July 5, 2014

Camming and Trust

I am taking a bit of a reprieve from my self imposed moratorium to put up this post.  It is something that I just came across and could be something that many others are finding to be the case.

We all know the scammers, pretenders, and con artists are prevalent online.  The BDSM world is full of these clowns.  It is one of the main reasons I started this blog so many years ago.  Sadly, no matter what is done, they will continue to exist while causing great damage in their wake.  It is the reality of our life in this medium.

That being said, one of the biggest scams out there against dominant men is the "cam scam".  This is where profiles are established with the intention of luring dominants into a cam show.  Basically, it becomes some type of pay as you go situation where a credit card or Paypal account number is given (and the account drained) to look at someone play with herself for a few minutes.  Of course, there is nothing wrong with cam shows if that is your thing and are willing to pay for it.  However, the problem arises in the fact that most who are lured in this way are unaware of what is happening. Hence the dishonesty and scamming of it all.

Another thing is that many people prefer to use cam as a means of verification of another.  While I can understand this practice, since it is hard to photoshop yourself on cam, that does not mean that people who do not cam are hiding something.  Personally, I do not cam.  This is not something I do.  I have no interest in seeing someone on cam playing with herself or simply talking.  My computers are not set up for it (if they are, I dont know how to use them).  In this sense, I am still one in the stone age if you will.  Hell, I probably should learn the medium since I would then be able to record some video blogs instead of just writing (Tony Robbins, here I come).

What this ultimately comes down to is trust.  Obviously, we all were taken for a ride in one way or another if we are around online BDSM for any length of time.  The liars and cheats out there are most commonplace than those seeking something real.  It is sad that this is our reality but it seems like it is not going to change so we should accept it.  Of course, whenever we are caught up in this situation with one of these individuals, pain is the result.  People are hurt emotionally, financially, and even physically.  It is really startling to hear some of the stories shared about what people endured.  They are truly heartbreaking while also getting one's blood boiling.  As a dominant, I, at times, want to hunt of these so-called "doms/masters" down and tie them to a bench for a few hours and allow my sadistic side to emerge.  It is truly sickening to see what some people (read abusers) do under the guise of BDSM .. Nevertheless, we know the pain that is left behind is real and can be deep.

The problem with this is that it affects one's ability to trust.  My experience is that, as one who is suited for BDSM, I really have no other choice.  The bottom line is that my life did not go very well in the vanilla "dating" scene.  Every relationship I was in was a total train wreck.  That is what happens when a square peg is tried to put in a round hole.  I found a home in BDSM, warts and all.  Therefore, even though it is a pain in the ass at times (most times) and a struggle to find those that meet my criteria, it is the only game in town for me.  What am I going to do, head over the eharmony?  I know how that would end up based upon my experience.  Not good.

So where does this leave me?  It puts me in the same boat as everyone else who met up with those situations which cause pain.  I must move on.  Getting back into the chaos that is the online BDSM world is not easy but a necessary step.  This is our mechanism for meeting people.  Yes we are dealing with the proverbial "needle in the haystack" with the hopes of finding someone genuine.  They are out there it just takes a ton of effort.  Another thing that is also required is trust.  Somehow, we need to rebuild this.  Naturally, this does not mean we take every email as gospel and that everyone is for real.  They are not.  We know the percentages and 90% of them are not in our favor.  We need to be ever mindful of this fact.  However, that does not mean everyone we come across is a liar, scammer, cheat, or swindler.  There are a great number of genuine people seeking the same as you.  Unfortunately, it requires both of you letting your guard down enough to see what can arise out of your interaction.  Again, this does not mean dive in blindly but set aside the pain of being burnt enough to see if there is any worth to the individual you are interacting with.  Even if the last 7 people you emailed/chatted/spoke with were total buttheads, that does not mean the 8th will not be your Prince Charming.  You just never know.

And do not presume just because that other individual does not cam, that he or she is a fake, liar, scammer, or cheater.  Some might simply not use that medium with there Skype, Yahoo, or Googletalk.  Just because that might be your experience in the past, that does not mean it is so in every case.  And what is sad is that your fear is causing you to walk away from someone who might have some potential for you.  You just never know.

As always be careful out there.


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Lord Inu on July 15, 2014 at 7:31 PM said...

I agree very much with the points you made in this entry of your blog. While certainly among the issues of online BDSM that I have experienced myself, the camming and the trust issues are definitely at the top of the list. I myself do not find it a necessary element to see a submissive on camera, it is only an added touch when it comes to familiarization but other than that, it is unnecessary for me.

The trust is where it is most important to me, because at the end of the day; in my opinion, a dominant individual's first and foremost concern with their submissive is the degree of trust they share. It is an element that can completely shape what goes on in the relationship, as well as how well the relationship develops overall.

I certainly appreciate you bringing these issues to light and hope myself to be able to slowly dilute the online BDSM world of those that are tarnishing the name.

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