July 28, 2014

Approaching Online

Today I am going to write about something that seems to be a universal truth across the online BDSM world.  I really do not care what site it is on, who is involved, or the ages of the people participating, this happens repeatedly and almost every submissive individual will back me up on this.  Of course, since Dominants tend not to read, it is highly unlikely that many are going to be helped.  Nevertheless, I will put it in writing and maybe a few of you will find this beneficial.

The First Email

People on BDSM dating sites, like vanilla ones, tend to approach someone via email.  This makes sense since we are in the virtual world.  If I was an offline dating expert, this would be called the approach.  Therefore, we must take into consideration what approach we use to garner one's attention.

Before going any further, let us look at two kinds of emails that submissive ones normally receive.

"Hello slut.  You are meant to serve me.  Contact me back to begin your new life as a piece of meat."

Now we all know this is the stupid "on your knees, bitch" garbage.  Regardless of the terminology used, and it gets worse than this, the point is the same.  Who in their right mind thinks that anyone with any sense would respond to this.  Simply by sending this you are showing yourself to either be an ignorant ass or an abuser who will care nothing for the person(s) you are approaching.  So, I really do not need to elaborate on this one anymore.

The second is something like this:

"Hello. You are a very sexy woman and I would be honored to own you.  I am a 52 year old dominant who is seeking a long term 24/7 relationship with a slave.  I have 20 years experience owning 2 real time slaves over those years.  My style is firm yet caring.  I believe a slave has no rights other than what is granted to her by the Master.  Check out my profile and message me back if there is an interest."

Now, the second one is much better than the first but it still sucks.  And do you know why?  The answer is simply because a submissive is receiving hundreds of emails exactly like this.  You are one of the many.  Everyone is telling her how old he is, what is sought, and how long in the lifestyle.  In other words, there is no meat to what you are saying nor is there any personality.

Therefore, we need to do something to "wow" her.  It is baffling to me how many people think because we entered the world of BDSM that it is something akin to the Twilight Zone.  Do people not realize that the interpersonal skills acquired throughout life are applicable here?  Evidently not.  Nevertheless, we need to do something different to capture our perspective submissive's attention.


Our solution is going to be to individualize our message to her.  The aforementioned example is an email that sounds more like one is applying for a job rather than seeking a perspective partner in a relationship.  A lot of the information contained in it should already be posted on the profile.  If you are able to separate yourself from the dumbmasses, she will click your profile and gather all the data on you.  It is at that point when she will decide whether to email you back or not.  My point it is much better for her to decide after reading your profile as opposed to simply deleting your email since you are like the other 150 she received that day.

So how do we go about doing this?  Well, I am going to provide some advanced, high quality maneuvers for online BDSM interaction and how to really get the golden prize.  Follow these secret tips and you will see your success rate jump considerably.

The first secret which is not shared openly with the masses since it is almost never done is to read her profile.  And when I say read, that means focus upon what she wrote and not the picture(s) posted.  If you travel around clicking on different profiles, you will see one of the most common complaints from subs/slaves is that people do not read the profile.  Reading the profile often will reveal useful information such as what she is looking for.  If she is looking for interaction with another woman and you have something hanging down between you legs, no matter how small it is, that disqualifies you.  Sending her an email will only piss her off.  So read the damn profile, it is pack full of nuggets of gold that she is freely giving to you.

Once we read the profile, our next step is to actually focus upon something she wrote.  Take one of those golden nuggets that strikes a cord with you and write a paragraph about it in your email.  So, for example, if she wrote about painting and this is something you have experience in, write her mentioning how you spent two weeks one year at a painter's retreat in Sedona, AZ (if you truly did this).  This shows you actually read what she wrote and that automatically separates you from the masses.

The entire point of this is that you are to treat her as an individual.  Concentrating your attention upon a like (or a dislike) that she has is a wonderful way to open up a conversation.  It gives her a reason to email you back even if she is not totally bowled over by your profile.  Also, it establishes a connection or some common ground for further interaction even if it ultimately does not lead to D/s.  It is a common trait that we like to interact with those we share like interests with. 

Once we do that, we put together a second paragraph telling her a bit about ourselves based upon what she wrote in her profile.  If she mentions, for example, that she is relatively new, you can tell her that you entered this way of life in 2005 at which time you were initially trained by a monkey (if you really were trained by a monkey..honesty is important).  Relate how you understand some of the confusion at being new (empathy is a great way to connect) and that you are grateful you had the monkey to show you the proper path to take.  If you are adept at it, perhaps add a little humor in but I must warn you, this is a dangerous technique to use.  Be mindful of the fact that you are using email where intent is hard to decipher.  Instead of coming off funny, you might come across as an ass if you are not careful.

At this point, stop.  Do not send more than two paragraphs.  As I mentioned, some of these subs are getting hundreds of emails a day.  They do not have the time nor the inclination to read a book that you write and fill her inbox with.  A thousand word essay detailing your life is going to get deleted very quickly.


I just wrote a section on individualizing yet I feel the need to mention this subject.  There are many out there who copy/paste a form email they wrote and send it to all submissives they encounter.  This is the numbers game approach.  If they can get in the inbox earlier than everyone else, they have a chance of nailing the prize.  The drawback to this is it goes against everything I just wrote.  There is no personalizing of the email (no simply writing her username is not personalization).  This means she is not being treated as an individual as much as a bulk mail recipient. 

Another problem with this idea is there is a tendency for people to write the thousand word essays I just mentioned.  When one takes the time to write out a book once, then it takes little effort to copy/paste it everywhere.  While this might make sense to the individual, quite frankly the submissive does not care about it.  She has no reason to read all that stuff.  Again, until her attention is captured on some level, she is not going to waste her time.

Once again, I cannot stress this enough: the intent is to show her that we understand she is an individual.  Those who copy/paste are advertising the fact that he is a) lazy and b) does not really care about her.  She is just one of the many who he is throwing a line to in an effort to see who bites.  Trust me, I have seen these emails from subs and this is exactly what they scream.  So resist this temptation at all costs.

The final point that I want to make is that all are worthy of respect.  Do not write anything that resembles the first email I mentioned.  This is not prudent and will get you instantly classified as a fake.  In fact, I detail this more in this post, I suggest you read it:

As always, be smart in all you do.


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