The Depth of BDSM

Sebastian Junger wrote a book called War detailing his experiences in Afghanistan with a platoon of 30 men. What struck this man is that, upon returning home, the soldiers miss the field even those it was "the worst possible experience". Many people seem to conclude that people of this ilk are adrenaline junkies who are addicted to the 'high'. The truth is they miss the brotherhood.

Many who have served and saw combat will refer to the camaraderie that developed between the other members of the platoon. Even people who did not particularly like each other, soon forgot their differences when the enemy was in front of them. The truth is that each person knows that his life depends upon everyone else. Nobody exists on a solo platform there. To come back alive, it takes participation of everyone.

The Depth

Can you imagine the depth of these relationships? While I am certain it is spoken about, the feeling is definitely there in the short term. Perhaps it is something that exits a person once he or she returns to the safety of home. However, while in the depths of the battleground, the bond between these people is unshakable.

How does any of this pertain to BDSM? The reason why I mention it is because it is my experience that this is what happens in many BDSM relationships, especially those who are built around the extreme exchange of power. Once an individual truly has the life of another in his/her hands, then that takes the relationship to a deeper level.

My opinion is that BDSM relationships ultimately, when allowed to develop over time, will strike at a much deeper level than a traditional one. The power exchange component is something that is powerful in nature. While it creates an atmosphere of dependence on the part of the submissive one, it also causes him or her to focus attention solely on the needs of the other. This is something that will instantly separate one from the traditional idea.

Love

Many people ask me if one will love a slave. Certainly, I do not speak for every relationship out there and there are many foundations upon which they are built. However, in the vast majority of the situations I was privy to, I do believe that a form of 'love' was present. Now I will state that this is an emotion that I feel differs from the traditional love that exists between spouses. While this can be present, I sensed again that it is something deeper.

Those who study any of the Far Eastern philosophies knows about the Chakras. Using them as examples, I will state that the common belief is that love is located at the heart. This makes sense and many things in our Western culture reflect this idea. At the same time, there are many who proclaim matters of the heart are more powerful than intellectual (i.e. mind) ones because the heart is located deeper in the body. Are you with me so far?

Using this logic, the belief continues to the concept of the 'gut'. It should not surprise anyone that this area is located precisely where all those extra beers reside. For those who do over indulge on a regular basis, then you will not have a problem pinpointing this part of your body. And, since this is lower than the heart, we are taught to 'listen to our guts'.

Therefore, intellect resides in our mind, love in the heart, and instinct in the gut. Traditional relationships operate on the love level (once they get past the sexual stage which is located....well you can venture a guess at that one). This is the creme-de-la-creme. All those people who are deeply in love with their significant other has a deep heartfelt connection. Their love is true.

Domination/Submission

Which brings me to my final lesson. Where does domination and submission reside? At what level do people operate when one enters into a BDSM relationship? Is it the heart, mind, or instinct level? Certainly, there has to be a place for it.

My belief is that power exchange relationships are more powerful simply for the fact that they strike a chord that is lower in one's body. Using the chakra idea, the location of one's domination or submission is at his/her core. And to me, I find that this is located right below the navel at the level of the pubic hair line. This is why I feel that many newer people are overwhelmed with sexual feelings once entering the BDSM lifestyle. If you notice where it is located on the body, it is easy to see why one would misinterpret what is being felt.

Therefore, when one has his/her domination or submission fulfilled, that is a lot more powerful than love. Just like there is power in the heart, I feel there is more that emanates from the 'pubic chakra' (for lack of a better word). We see how the heart is stronger than the mind and the instinct overrides the heart. Using this same philosophy, the fulfillment of domination and submission is equally overpowering. This is what creates the incredible depth.

Multiplies Everything

Obviously we know there are certain qualities that are present in every healthy relationship. Things such as honesty, trust, candor, and compassion are often mentioned. And rightly so. A healthy relationship will have all of these things and more. However, I found that the depths of a BDSM relationship, specifically M/s, multiplies these qualities also moving them to a greater level.

Let us use trust as an example. In my situation, my slave has access to my financial affairs. She utilizes my debit card when she does the shopping for the house. I trust her to spend wisely within the parameters I established and not exceed it. Anything that she desires or needs outside of that is requested for. That is how it works.

You might reply, 'Big Deal. Most married couples are like that.' Well it trust takes on an added twist when you recognize that she is dependent upon me for everything including life's basic necessities. It is my responsibility to feed and clothe her. Her entire paycheck becomes mine. This requires a substantial amount of trust that I will not only provide for her but also that I will not waste it. There are many who are financially illiterate. She needs to trust me that she will be taken care of in all instances.

Obviously this example does not do justice to the feelings that I am mentioning. Some things are outside the bounds of our vocabulary. Thousands of writers have tried to articulate the essence of love without sufficiency. This falls into a similar category. Whatever emotional power love contains, the feelings associated with true domination and submission is proportionately more powerful. To find this out, ask anyone who was in a long term M/s relationship. They will often point to the depth of the feelings and the emotional connection to another person.

I will close by stating that I feel I have the same connection to my slave as the men in combat do to their peers. This journey is one that I am not walking alone. For me to dominate, I need someone who is submissive. And for her submission to be fulfilled, she needs a dominant. However, unlike battle, this is something that continues ongoing. That is the depth of BDSM.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life

Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.