March 19, 2011

The Old Way of Judging


"What is wrong with me?"
"I must really be twisted."
"I am really sick."

These are all statements I heard uttered by people as they delve deeper into the lifestyle. For those approach this in the proper way, there are many things about oneself that unfolds. Of course, over time, we might uncover some things which we never thought possible. That is why I really believe that most limits are nothing more than mental roadblocks. Most can be overcome in time. That being said, true limits are also a part of the BDSM process and establishing those boundaries are important.

Society's View

I regularly write about the impact that society has on each of us. We are all products of our environment to one degree or another. From the start, those around us are influencing everything about us. What we wear, foods we like, careers we choose, and beliefs are all dictated by the people who are closest to us. At the same time, the marketers and other power brokers in society lay claim to another aspect of influence. In short, we do not grow up and operate in a glass bubble. Everyday we are impacted by others around us.

This means that we tend to adopt the common outlook of society. Few take the initiative to really consider what he or she believes. Most of us simply 'drink the Kool-Aid' without question. Dogma is powerful because we so readily accept it. Blind faith is something that we are told to strive for. This, in my opinion, is a clear path to slavery (and not the kind we practice in the BDSM world). Every decision we make that is at the request of someone else is giving our power away. We cease being individuals instead enlisting in the collectivism mindset.

Take Back Control

So, what is wrong with you? The short answer to that is 'nothing'. Those who seek a path in the BDSM world are exercising the natural right to decide for oneself what is best. We are all different people. Thus, creating a model that works for everyone is impossible. Even within the BDSM community we see tremendous difference in what people desire. Some are into hardcore degradation and submission while others prefer a much more traditional set up. Whatever your flavor is, the important thing to remember that is it yours.

The key to taking control back from society is to start making choices of what you want and stop judging yourself (and others) based upon those old concepts. Sure, society thinks a lot of things are perverted. It does not mean they are correct. The truth is that it labels things in this manner as a means of controlling your behavior. Introducing taboos is an effective methodology for preventing people from engaging in certain actions. Most want to conform, a step necessary to fit in. Failure to do so means that one risks being ostracized. This is something that most lack the self esteem to accept.

Individual thinking requires a great deal of strength. It is easy to drink the Kool-Aid and swallow whatever society promotes. There is no risk in that other than sacrificing your entire life. Strength means stepping out onto your own path and following it in spite of the opinions of others. The barometer that is used is not based upon old principles but, rather, the truthfulness that exists within you. This is how we can break free from the guilt-driven control exerted by society.

No Limits

I love the term 'no limits'. It is a concept that conjures up total freedom in my mind. Now, in practicing safety in all my messaging, I will state that everyone has limits which need to be recognized. My intention is not to give the wannabes ammunition to engage in abusive behavior. Safety is always a top priority and there is a point where a sub/slave cannot take anymore. That is called a limit.

What I am referring to is the mental state where one removed all roadblocks. In other words, everything is on the table and nothing prejudged. Sure, society might consider it taboo but if it is your thing, explore it. Of course, I will also caveat here to state that mental exploration and actual engaging in an activity are two different things. The point is that most people negate ideas simply because they are closed minded. The idea is to open yourself up to all that is possible.

For example, many are instantly turned off by watersports. I meet so many who wont even entertain the thought. Yet, once the seed is planted in his/her head, it suddenly starts to grow. After a short period of time, one actually wants to try it. This is in keeping with a submissive nature so why not go for it. Society will call you all kinds of names but you need not be concerned with with what it thinks.

Certainly, one might try this particular activity and find it lacking. That is fine. A person is not going to like everything. However, one might also find that he or she is extremely turned on by it. Thus, by passing on the old judgment system, this individual found something that was enjoyable to him or her.

We need to remember that often the limits we established are based upon the old social conditioning that I mentioned earlier. And, an interesting thing to note, most of society's outlooks will vary among different cultures. For example, in the U.S., we are sickened by the thought of eating dog. However, in many Oriental nations, it is a common meal. Since I have never eaten dog, how can I state whether it is good or not. I might emphasize I would never do that but that is a limit based upon my societal conditioning. To engage in that means I am succumbing to the traditional idea of what is considered normal.

This same concept applies to all areas. Certain activities are considered taboo. But, when you really consider it, the taboo is only in existence in a certain time and place. For example, did you know that during the Greek Empire an adolescent boy gained his first sexual experience by being sodomized by another male (now you know why it is called 'going Greek)? Of course, in our culture today, an act like that will get you extended prison time. It is totally taboo to treat a teenage boy in that manner. Yet, it was part of the culture in Greece many centuries ago. Our limit was their commonplace.

Remember this idea the next time you start to question what is wrong with you simply because you get turned on by some things that society tells you are wrong. It simply might not be the case.

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