January 28, 2011

Fear-Based 'Masters'

Here is an email that I received on my Facebook page:

"hello Dennis , i really want to accept you friend request but i cant as i have a Master that does not allow me to accept requests from men ."

Isn't that too bad. Her 'Master' doesn't allow here to accept friend requests from men. Anytime I see this it makes me wonder why that is? What is this incredibly talented example of domination afraid of? Why is his insecurity meter reading 'extreme' when he is such a worthy specimen of the lifestyle.

My answer is that he isn't. Now, I will preface by saying I do not know this man. Therefore, all conclusions are made based upon the general tendencies I have witnessed for years. This is my disclaimer stating that I might be wrong about this dude but I doubt it. Experience is on my side on this one.

Fear of Challenge

The greatest fear that most people who claim to be dominants in the lifestyle have is that they might get challenged. What I mean by this the greatest percentage of people one sees who proclaim to be 'Masters' actually have no clue about what this lifestyle means. Instead, they prey upon the ignorance of newer people. Since they failed to take the time to learn what domination is all about, they use different tactics to ensure their control. These people are not Masters but abusers. It is that plain and simple.

By the way, if you are one who has a Master who does not allow you to interact with others, take that as a sign that you are dealing with a fake. Isolation is one of the most popular techniques of people of this ilk. Those who say they don't want a sub/slave interacting with Dominants (i.e men in most instances) are exhibiting their fear and insecurity. Honestly, does he think that someone is going to steal you away from him. If that is a probable outcome, then I would say that there is a problem in the relationship to begin with.

The Best

Maybe I am off base on this, but as a dominant within the lifestyle, I take the approach that I am the best Master. While many of you will take this to be arrogant, I believe it is the mindset that every true Master has. Now, do not mistake this for believing that I am perfect, that I do not make mistakes, or that I cannot learn more. The truth is that I am human and do not have all the answers. However, I have an inner confidence that tells me that I am at an elevated state within this lifestyle.

I compare this to a professional athlete. Tiger Woods believes he is going to win every golf tournament he enters. Cliff Lee thinks he is going to win each time he takes the mound. Lebron James does not believe anyone can stop him from scoring. Of course, everyone who is competing against these players feels the same way. That is why you see few backing down at this level. The internal confidence reins in all they do.

Again, does that mean these athletes do not work on their craft? No. Oftentimes the greatest athletes spend the most time practicing. The same is true in the BDSM world. I have spent a lot of time studying all the different aspects of human nature and domination. Physical control is the easiest aspect to master. This only requires being able to instill fear-something the abusers excel at. However, true Mastery of another person requires first mastering oneself. And this takes years to develop.

Fear Enters All We Do

The problem with fear is that is it like a cancer. Those who are insecure and full of self-doubt are constantly driven by fear. My reasoning for pointing out the email at the beginning is because this exemplifies how fear operates. Here we have a 'Master' who refuses to allow his slave to interact with other Doms (men). What is his reasoning? Because he is afraid that someone will come in and steal her away. It is that simple. This is a inherent confidence issue men have that dates back to the beginning of time. Of course, the BDSM world takes it to another level since since the online world is full of so many morons who will not respect the fact that someone is owned.

Which brings me to another point in this discussion. I have heard the counterclaim that the reason one does not allow his sub/slave to interact with other men is because of all the trollers out there. I don't but this argument for a second. Two things come to mind when I hear this. To start, it shows that one has no confidence in a sub/slave's ability to tell someone else to get lost. The truth is that most sites have the ability to block those who get unruly. Also, many site administrators will ban those who carry things too far. A simple email will result in the person being warned. This can take care of a great portion of the meatheads you encounter.

Naturally, this will not result in all. And that is the second point: secluding one with an order that she cannot interact with men will not stop people of this ilk. They have no regard for the lifestyle or what others say. Therefore, the only thing one is doing is showing himself to be fear-based and allowing the circumstances of the online world to take control. Not masterly behavior if you ask me. But then again, these people aren't worthy of being called Master in my opinion.

As you can see, fear is a powerful force that we all need to deal with. However, those who want to live as Masters had better take control of it or they are going to fail. Fear will consume you and make you look foolish in the eyes of others, especially the one you own. Be forewarned.

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Rem on January 28, 2011 at 11:01 PM said...

Unfortunately, I have a friend whose Master submits her with fear. She is in complete isolation also. :( I wish could I help her, but her Master does not allow her to talk to me. Anything I try she will tell me, "I'm not allowed to talk to you." And she will either hang up on the phone, or won't respond to my emails. Do you have any advice?

Anonymous said...

And to what end, or benifit, should I let other men make contact with my sub online without going through me first? What possible benevilant purpose would you have for contacting a sub or slave, without the courtesy of talking to their Dom or Master first? Especially one who's profile explicitly states that all new contacts are to go through her Dom/Master? Some subs are not great at identifying a troll and are easily manipulated by such men, and while some masters abuse that trait, secluding them in order to not be called out by others for abuses, other masters protect their subs from their own niave tendancies to give the benifit of the doubt to trolls, and/or their inability to muster the courage to simply say "Get lost!" when it would be the correct thing for her to do. You're making a blanket assessment, which I don't think applies to all whom you would cover with it in this article.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a typical troll wrote this throwing out a headgame to undermine the authority of masters with their slaves and lead them to question their masters judgement. "What's the matter girls? Is your master afraid I might have a bigger whip?" Maybe that girl was just saying that to get you to go away?

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