November 19, 2010

Self Discipline


Over the next few posts, I am going to be writing about this all important subject. Too often, we overlook the common qualities which lead to success. In my estimation, this is one of them.

Many of the self-help experts tout the benefits of discipline. Here is one of those subjects that I think we need to examine for the fact that it applies equally to the life of BDSM. As I often state, we are not exempt from life simply because we enter into this lifestyle. Many feel that success in the BDSM world is somehow magically different from the traditional. It is not. The same common sense techniques apply since life is still life.

What Is Self Discipline?

Simply put, self-discipline is the ability for one to get him or herself to take action regardless of the emotional state one is presently in. In other words, it is doing what needs to be done in spite of how you feel. This basic topic holds the key to most of success in life.

All relationships are based upon what we do. Many feel that feelings, emotions, and other qualities are what it important. It is not. What is important is what you do. Overlooking this fact while focusing on something else is a decision that leads to conflict.

For example, a man can love his wife but that means nothing if he cheats on her. Here the action overrides the feeling. The same can be said for the person who takes his or her wife for granted. While the feelings of love might exist, so too will resentment.

Actions are the way we express to the outer world what is going on within us. A BDSM relationship is no different than any other because we are dealing with two people afflicted with the human condition. The fact that we are in a power exchange situation does not change the basic makeup of a person. We all have feelings that cloud our thinking at time. Fear, anger, frustration, and resentment are just as much a part of the slave's life as a woman married for 10 years. Again, we are not exempt from life.

Discipline In BDSM

Discipline is a big part of the BDSM culture. This is a lifestyle that tends to be more overt about it being an aspect of our daily life. It is not uncommon for one to be chastised for his/her behavior. Action of this nature is not only accepted but, rather, expected. A dominant one who omits this is not fulfilling his/her responsibility.

However, I will state that my experience is that disciplining a sub/slave is not on the top of a dominant's list of favorite things to do. Over time, emotions grow between two people. Few care to discipline those that he or she truly cares for. We know it is necessary but having to do this on a regular basis becomes burdensome. Most of you are aware that I detest micromanaging a slave. This is something that I cannot stand doing. For that reason, in my household, a slave needs to be able to handle things on her own.

Self-discipline is the key that ties all this together. Since I am not looking over her shoulder consistently, she needs to have the ability to get herself to take action. Certainly, one might take the mindset that her motivation comes from the fact that I will punish her for failure to complete the assigned tasks. In this instance her motivation comes from outside of her. However, that is rarely the case. In my household, there are things that need tending to without me assigning it. Her desire to serve me completely is a motivating factor. Of course, there are times when she simply doesnt feel like doing what is required. This is where being a self-motivator enters the picture. Many tasks, if left unfulfilled, will not even be noticed by me. In other words, she could get away without doing them. However, as one who desires serving in the best way she can, she knows that failure to complete the necessary tasks reflects upon me. Her internal desire to excel in this life is what serves to create the desire to move forward. It is an internal push.

Ultimately, self discipline is a more powerful factor than anything that can come from the outside. Have a Dom/Master push you to complete tasks is a benefit to this lifestyle. However, over time, a submissive one needs to adopt the mindset for herself. Anyone who is continually having to micromanage another gets worn out in my experience. Being the one in charge of a relationship bears a major responsibility. Having to oversee the most minor details will ultimately lead to a breakdown between the two parties. Again, I do not feel that being dominant means one wants to babysit. Self discipline is a sign of emotional development. We all have things in life that we do not want to do but must. Only a child whines about not wanting to do it. An adult goes ahead, takes action, and moves on.

Hopefully now you can begin to see how important self discipline is to our lives within and outside of BDSM.

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