Here is a post I put on the An Owned Life BDSM community site. The response created a terrific discussion so I thought it a good idea to post it here.
We emphasize a great deal about the positive aspects of the lifestyle. Many feel that some take this outlook to extremes which generates unrealistic expectations. I believe that we, who are in the lifestyle, help to promote this idea by not speaking out. Certainly, I feel it is a way of life that I did not find in the traditional realm. Nevertheless, it is not all cake and ice cream either.
It seems the online community has a warped perception, in many instances, of what BDSM and M/s, in particular, is all about. Sadly, they base their 'reality' on a series of science fictions novels. While the philosophy and mindset are accurate, I found the transformation to real time impractical. That being said, there are also an assortment of other things that few consider when dealing with someone in real time.
To start, as most of you heard me share, BDSM is a relationship. When you strip everything away, we are dealing with two people interacting with each other. That is a relationship. It matters little whether they are tying each other up, screwing their brains out, whipping and paddling, or talking about politics. There is an interaction there which continually needs to be considered.
Service is a wonderful thing for those who are designed for that. Yet, in my opinion, this is one of the things that is glorified by the online community. Reality is rarely examined. The truth is serving another continually is difficult. It takes an incredible amount of ego deflation to live in this manner. When the needs of another take precedent, that means you are relegated to a secondary role. Is that what you want?
Many feel that 'bowing down before Master' while waiting for his instructions is appealing. Well, let us explore reality. How do you like to be ignored for days or weeks on end? That is a part of the lifestyle. When you become a slave, that is what you accept; to live as he sees fit. Well, what if he wants to out with his buddies every night while you sit home tending to chores? Welcome to reality. How about if he decides to spend all his non-working hours in his garage with his hobbies while you are on your knees cleaning the toilet? Or, how do you like the fact of hearing him screw another in the bedroom next to you while your pussy turns into a raisin from lack of use? Maybe he will be kind and throw you the occasional opportunity to suck him off.
The point is that everyone needs to embrace reality. What people view online is not real. The images portrayed might be 'real' if you worked at kink.com. But even those people will admit they are acting. That is not their life. Nor are the protocols set down in a fictional novel 35 years ago what this life is about. Both of these can show aspects of the life (or people's lives) but not the full measure.
And one final thought: the "Master" (or slave) you just met and are chatting with is not the end all. Do not go around professing your love for him and tell us how you service to him is forever. Stop acting like an immature little school girl with a good case of puppy love. Anyone who is around this life more than a couple years knows the average BDSM relationship is less than a year. And the online 'romances' last but a few months. This is reality. Do not go around thinking that you are any different. As I wrote in another post, this is simply percentages. If you think you are different, then do not come crying to us when the thing blows up in your face. Trust me when I tell you that you do not know what you are dealing with when we talk about some of the people 'in' this lifestyle. There are some real pieces of work.
I am sorry to burst anyone bubble but dealing with things on a realistic level is what needs to be done. People with their heads up their asses because they believe the bullshit they think they are experiencing are the ones who become statistics. Most little girls romanticize their future husbands, their wedding day, and their marriage. These childhood fantasies are wonderful and healthy. However, talk to the twice divorced woman about marriage and you will see the fantasy no longer exists. She got a healthy dose of reality. Why cant people grasp this same concept with this life?
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8 hours ago