Types of Beatings

Today I am going to discuss the different types of beatings and explain how they apply or do not apply to the BDSM lifestyle. Many seem to believe that the physical act of beating another is what is the deciding factor. It is not. Instead we need to look at the motivation behind the activity. This is what determines whether it is appropriate or not.

As always safety is the primary concern. There are three different classifications of beatings in my experience. Only one truly deserves to be involved in the BDSM arena. The other two exhibit emotional issues which need dealing with.

1. Abuse

This is a simple one to see. Abuse is consider a beating that does not have an intended purpose other than to harm the other person. This is done by a person who lacks emotional control (i.e. rage). BDSM world or not, abuse is unacceptable regardless of the arena. I heard some proclaim that since a slave is property she is subject to abuse. This is incorrect.

We should be as intolerant of physical abuse as the rest of society. Those who feel the need to use the BDSM world as a guise for their behavior should be exposed as frauds and fakes. These people are despicable at every level.

2. Emotional Release

The second beating is one where a sub/slave requires an emotional release. This is another category that I would say is not part of the BDSM lifestyle. While there is a benefit for the person receiving the beating, I feel that harm is done at the psychological level. A person who is engaging in this behavior is usually the physical pain to alter her emotional space. This shows one lacks the ability to properly handle what is going on in her life.

BDSM is a lifestyle for those who are psychologically and emotionally able to handle it. There are many who try to enter this way of life who are suffering from traumatic experiences in the past. Before entering into a BDSM relationship, it is often best for these types to get the proper counseling beforehand. Sadly, few seem to take that approach. Instead they use this method as a way of avoiding whatever is taking place within themselves. Part of the growth process is developing emotionally so that one is a strong person.

3. Pleasure/Pain

This is the final beating and the one that is commonly misunderstood by outsiders. The truth is there are many who receive great pleasure by experiencing a lot of pain. To them, a beating of this sort is refreshing. They simply love it. Many love the feel of the accessories as they strike the bare skin and the sting that ensues. Pain lovers are often sexually stimulated by the feelings instilled through a beating of this nature. This is what commonly happens in the BDSM world.

Another factor of this is the punishment beating. I will state that we need to distinguish between a punishment and abuse. There are times one is paddled for wrongful actions which in no ways nears the boundaries of abuse. Discipline is a part of our life. However, as with children, the difference between abusing and disciplining a child is obvious. The outside world sees it all as abuse yet we who live in this manner know it is not.

In summary, not all beatings are created equal. There is a proper way to approach one when using physical techniques such as these. Nevertheless, the mental motivation is crucial as to why one is engaging in this activity. Anything other than the pleasure/pain dichotomy is inappropriate. That is not BDSM.

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Punishments-Some Thoughts

This is a topic that is often discussed on the different forums and sites that I visit. For whatever reason, Masters/Doms are always seeking ways to punish those who are under their control. I can only presume that newer people are in search of effective ways to punish. Sadly, I believe most miss the point of why punishments are necessary.

Why Punish?

Why does a Master/Dom punish a sub/slave? To me, discipline is at the core of all that we do. Punishments are not meant to be handed out randomly or as a way for a Master to show his "power". Instead, punishments are meant to reinforce some type of lesson that is being integrated.

A sub/slave's growth is vitally important. Over the course of time, he or she ought to be expanding the abilities one has. As in all walks of life, the best learning tool is our own personal experience. Mistakes are one of the best teachers we have if we learn from them.

One common mistake is that some want to punish for mistakes. This is also something that goes against my beliefs. Mistakes are part of the process and the important factor is that a sub/slave learns from them. Of course, repeated failure to learn the lesson does often warrant punishment. This is where discipline enters into the picture.

Punishment, quite simply, is a means to modify behavior. A sub/slave will not act appropriately in all situations. Punishing is the methodology which will reinforce the behavior that one is seeking.

Make Sure Behavior Is Known

Punishing alone is ineffective unless the old behavior and desired behavior are explained. Naturally, this requires a Dom/Master to maintain some wits in situations where loss of control is real easy. Anger is the one thing that blows everything out of proportion. Maintaining emotional control is a crucial element to success in this area (I know, a hell of a lot easier said then done). Nevertheless, focusing on the behavior is vital.

The process simply starts by identifying the behavior that one is upset with. If you are like me, this is often apparent by my screaming. This is the point where I find I must concentrate on what the desired outcome is. When I can make both behaviors known, I find that whatever punishment I opt for is more effective.

Another factor is to ensure that the desired behavior is also known. A sub/slave needs to know what is expected of him/her. Simply stating that Action A is wrong while instilling discipline is a half measure. The other component is to relay how you want him/her to behave in the future. This reinforces the change.

Worthy of the Crime

The final thought that I want to convey is to have the punishment "fit the crime". It is very important that any punishment be in proportion to the behavior that one is trying to correct. Many have a tendency to go overboard with the disciplinary action in situations where the action is slight. We often see this in sports where suspensions are reduced after each side has time to analyze the situation. Dealing with a sub/slave is no different.

Punishing when one is upset is a dangerous route to take. Emotions cloud one's thinking. When one is in an emotionally charged state, he or she is apt to overreact to whatever is occurring. There are a number of occasions where I found myself instilling a punishment only to retract it later because of my lack of emotional control. I cannot stress enough how important it is for a Master/Dom to maintain his/her composure when dealing with these circumstances.

Punishments are a necessary part of the lifestyle. They enable one to mold a sub/slave's behavior in a way that fits what is desired. However, becoming an abuser is not what this life is about. Take caution when you are delving into this area since the consequences can be harsh when you make a mistake.

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A Slave's Job

I wrote often how a slave's place is to be obedient. It is her position to do as she is told by her Master. That is the basis of the total power exchange. All power is in the hands of the Master. It is complete, absolute, and final.

Many seem to fail to grasp there is one reason for a slave's existence: to make a Master's life easier. It is not a slave's place to give the Master headache after headache. This is selfish and showing the worth of a slave.

To me, this is an intolerable act. I will be the first to admit that abuse has no place in this way of life. I still stand by that statement. However, a slave who continually causes her Master grief deserves little mercy. I will never condone abuse but I will never stand in the way of one who wants to implement extreme punishments. A slave who behaves in such a manner deserves all she gets short of abuse.

Many will say that this is a reason for release. This is something that I disagree with. Release is too good. It is far better to retain the slave while implementing the harden training methods required. Sometimes extreme is exactly what is needed. Some will just not learn the lesson the first dozen times it is presented. Therefore, the big artillery needs to come out.

This might seem like a deviation from all that I write. Overall, I prefer the sensible methodology to training. However, there are times when one will behave in such a childish manner that this step is necessary. I am a believer in the total power exchange. It is the foundation to all that we do and how our relationships are designed. If this aspect is allowed to be compromised, the entire relationship is just another form of the traditional. Nothing it is to stop the exchange from moving to a 50/50 basis.

A slave's place is to make her Master's life easier. Bickering, complaining, and being selfish are not traits that a slave needs to hold onto. If she does not willing let them go, it is up to a Master to help her remove them. To do this, all measures short of abuse are merited. A true slave will understand what is occurring. A pretender will fight it all day long.

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Discipline

Discipline is one of the most important aspects of BDSM. Whatever the basis of the relationship, there needs to be discipline when there is one in a submissive role. The central fact is that people tend to lack the discipline to fulfill One's desires. This is where corrective action is required.

Mistakes will be made. Before going any further, there is a difference between a mistake and disobedience. When one tries to accomplish a task but cannot do so because of an issue outside of him/her, that is not worthy of discipline. Neither are honest mistakes in my opinion. Usually a corrective word or showing one how You want it done will be enough. Of course, repeated mistakes after shown will necessitate some action on Your part.

I often compare owning a slave to child rearing. Many of the attributes are similar. The fact is that both instances have someone dependent upon you to shape his/her future. You are responsible for molding them into what you think best. In the BDSM world, this is to be the ideal sub/slave for you. Sadly, people enter this lifestyle with different experiences, beliefs, and desires. Often they can conflict with what a Dom/Master is attempting to accomplish. When this occurs, a bit of discipline is required. In my book, An Owned Life, I thoroughly cover this concept.

Use discipline the same way You would with a child. It is important to remember the ultimate goal is to model behavior. Punishments without reasons do not qualify as discipline but, rather, abuse. Keep this in mind.

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Punishments

What is an appropriate punishment for a sub/slave? That is a loaded question. As most of you know, I believe in treating each person as an individual. Experience taught me that there is no "one size fits all" in the world of BDSM. Nowhere is this more applicable than in the area of punishments.

Each person takes things differently. I met some who really enjoy pain while others abhor it. There were instances where I had people of each makeup at the same time. This presents a bit of a challenge when trying to discipline. Utilizing pain to one who loves is will have adverse effects. In this situation, one needs to be creative with his/her punishments.

The common viewpoint based upon images on the Internet is that the paddle (or other whipping device) is the preferred method of punishing. However, as anyone with children knows, sometimes a spanking is not the best method. Often, taking something away will have more of an impact.

I like to apply this same outlook with a slave. There are many instances where a paddling is not the most effective method for behavior modification. Sometimes, an act such as withholding time spent with her is a better choice. Of course, if one does not find pain to be attractive, then certainly he or she can be disciplined with a paddle. Again, it is best to try to select the best method for modifying one's behavior.

Another aspect of punishments is to ensure that the "punishment fits the crime". I see far to many Masters overreach in given situations. There is a big difference between disobedience and an error. People, including slaves, make mistakes. I think it is imperative that Master (Doms) know how to remain emotionally calm regardless of the situation. I feel that losing emotional control often leads to the crossing of the line into abuse.

A final point is "time". When issuing a punishment such as withholding time from one, it is crucial that it be for an acceptable period. This is another way that can get into abuse. Choosing to ignore a sub/slave for a month over something relatively inconsequential is not appropriate. We want to be always conscious that the action merits the consequences.

Remember, having a slave/sub learn the lesson that One is trying to teach is the most important thing. Through this, the behavior can be altered.