June 19, 2014

Stupid Dominant Bulls**t


I figured I would write a post about something that I see far too often yet is so common that it appears to be "the way things are".   It is really sad that so many exist with this mindset.  Also, my conclusion is that the idiots seem to be passing this stupidity around like a virus.  Hopefully, some will read this and begin to understand how asinine what is taking place truly is.

Two-Way Street

BDSM RELATIONSHIPS ARE A TWO-WAY STREET!!!!!
BDSM RELATIONSHIPS ARE A TWO-WAY STREET!!!!!
BDSM RELATIONSHIPS ARE A TWO-WAY STREET!!!!!

Did you get that?  I will write it again for all you dominants/masters out there who might be a bit slow in the mental department.  BDSM RELATIONSHIPS ARE A TWO WAY STREET!!!  Do you understand what that truly means?  Far too many dominants seem to think that a BDSM relationship is all about them.  It is not.  Just by its definition, a relationship entails two people both who have needs and expectations which are to be met.  As you can guess, this simple fact eludes so many in the BDSM world.  If you would like to have a serious BDSM relationship, it is to your benefit to take note of what I am going to write here.

Before going any further, I will state that a central premise about success in the BDSM world in terms of relationships is contained in the idea of caring.  It helps if you care about the other person.  The tendency, from my experience, is to look at a submissive as something less than.  Many dominants feel that a submissive is beneath them, ergo one to be treated as he sees fit.  While this is within the realm of his authority, it is a very bad approach. 

Fulfillment

Have you ever considered why a submissive person enters the world of BDSM?  Take a moment to think about that.  Why would anyone deal with the garbage that is online and go through the b.s of dealing with a ton of ignorant emails?  Sure, some are total masochists but even the pain sluts detest this part of the lifestyle.  And contrary to what some believe, a submissive does not enter BDSM because she had no options in the vanilla world.  In fact, as most decent minded people know, it is far easier for a female to get laid than a male on average.  Hence, there must be another reason why she puts up with all the bullcrap we see online.

The answer lies in the concept of fulfillment.  Almost everyone who enters the BDSM world does so because they were unfulfilled in the vanilla world.  We found relationships of this sort leaving a void within us.  Even when we were involved with someone who was "cool", the relationship ended.  Why did this happen?  Quite simple the relationship did not fill an inner need within that person.

Therefore, and this is important, always remember that a sub/slave entered the BDSM world to be fulfilled.  Since she found the vanilla world lacking, her choice to align herself with a lifestyle which better matches her core is a step forward.  However, this is not the end of it.  Simply being involved in BDSM is not enough.  She seeks to find that person who will fulfill her.  Yes, believe it or not, even the most outlandish slave seeks fulfillment.  This fundamental fact is overlooked by the majority of dominants to their own detriment.  If a relationship is going to enjoy long-term success, her needs MUST be met.  Failure to do so WILL result in the ending of the relationship if your sub/slave has any self worth whatsoever.

What You Can Do For Her

 I am going to write something that will blow most readers minds based upon the mindset out there.  Yet, this idea is critical for all to grasp.

A sub/slave is with you because of what you can do for her!!!
A sub/slave is with you because of what you can do for her!!!
 A sub/slave is with you because of what you can do for her!!!

I again wrote it three times for those who are learning impaired.  A slave is not entering into a relationship with you so that she can serve your sexual needs and be put in the corner.  She is not there to be used without regard to what she needs.  Her fulfillment does not come solely from serving you or waiting on you hand and foot.  People who think this are self-absorbed fools.  A slave is a person with needs that are to be met if she is to be fulfilled and, many doms will be floored by this,  your domination is enough to meet that end.

So, the question is what can you do for your slave?  Why should she even entertain being with you another second?  Do you fulfill her?  Are you even aware of what she requires to attain fulfillment (probably not)?  What needs of hers are you not meeting?

The answers to these questions are of great importance.  Before going any further, I must state that these questions have nothing to do with sex.  I talked with enough women over the years to know that, trust me, your cum does not taste all that magical.  Nor is your c**k that overly impressive even if you are hung like John Holmes.  A slave requires a lot more than you filling her with your man juice and then having her cook dinner. Just having her serve you without regard of what you give her is a recipe for having her exit the relationship at some point.  This happens everyday yet so many are foolish enough to think that it will not happen to them.

What Does She Want?

This brings us to the next question: what does she want?  Obviously, this is going to vary from person-to-person.  Nevertheless, there are some basic traits which all submissives want stroked if they are going to be fulfilled.  Naturally, the best approach is not to deal in generalities but to actually talk to your slave and ask her what she needs.  By doing this, you actually accomplish a great deal since you showed you actually care.

Slaves are human.  They are people.  Their feelings are the same as everyone else out there.  Showing her you care goes a long way to her being fulfilled.  Everyone wants to feel valued.  No matter what the kink or how your relationship is structured, she wants to know that you value what she does.  At the same time, it is a cold, hard world out there.  A slave wants to know she is protected.  The very act of submission makes one extremely vulnerable.  This means that not only does she need protection from the outside world but also from the one who has entered her psyche (if you are capable of doing that).  She needs to know, deep down, that you are not going to take her trust and turn it around on her.  It is common for a slave to have suffered greatly in her life at the hands of parents, boyfriends, and husbands.  This leads to one having the proverbial baggage which a dominant must help her unload.  This requires open communication to allow her to share the pain in an effort to get past it.  Unfortunately, too many dominants take this information and use it to degrade her which is not healthy.  This will only cause her to close off even more (if she even stays).

A slave also needs to grow.  It is a central part of nature that something is either in the growth or the dying stage.  There is no in between.  As humans, through education, experience, and expansion, we have the ability to continually grow until the last breath leaves our bodies. A slave is no different.  She looks to her master to assist in helping her grow.  Of course, for this to equal success in BDSM, the master needs to ensure he is growing or face the reality that his slave outgrew him.  This is a viewpoint that many cannot confront hence why they try to stifle what they own.  This is unhealthy on so many different levels.  If you are too lazy or inept to maintain your own expansion as a master, then you do not belong in the position of ownership.  With power comes responsibility.  A true master does not operate from the do as I say perspective but, rather, from one of leadership.  He takes charge, rushes to the front of the line, and expects his slave to follow. 

In short, a dom/master has one battle on his hands:  he is pitted face-to-face with her fears.  This is his enemy and the one that he needs to stamp out.  Because of past experiences, many which are negative, a slave's mind will erect a host of barriers to protect herself.  The mind always wants the status quo and fear is the tool used to maintain it.  These fears prohibit growth and closeness.  They cause one to shut down.  Ultimately, this a cancer which eats away at her and the relationship.  Therefore, a dominant needs to exhibit strength and patience to stand in there and fight this battle.  His slave wants to give all of herself yet she is incapable with fear running through her.  The removal of this is a master's greatest challenge but also the key to unlocking all that is within her.  If you truly want to dominate another, forget the strapping her to the bed and using her holes until you cum; that is child's play.  True domination is the ability to help her face her fears head on and get past them.   Too many succumb to the desire to run.  A master does not allow this.  Instead, he allows her to tap into his strength and get past what is blocking her.  This requires the true art of mastery because the last thing she wants to do is deal with this issue.  However, it is also where the growth opportunities lie.

Stupid Dominant Bulls**t

In closing, I will state that the idea that a slave's happiness comes from her master being happy is total bulls**t.  Anyone who believes this is a total fool.  This is online garbage at its finest.  Any submissive who sees this written by a dominant needs to run the other way.  This is an example that you are dealing with someone completely clueless.  A BDSM relationship is NOT a one-way street.  Each person enters the relationship with needs and desires which MUST be met.  Uncovering these needs is vitally important if any long-term success is to result.

One final note, please understand the difference between what she needs and what she will do.  Just because she will hang from the ceiling fan while you allow your friends to use her, that does not mean her needs are being met.  Too many question a perspective sub/slave about what she will do (sexually) without considering what her needs are.  Take some of those questions I wrote above and ask them to her.  I guarantee you will instantly separate from the other so called dominants she is chatting with (and yes she is chatting with others).

To all, as always, be safe.

DN  

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3 comments:

Jeremy Smith on April 3, 2016 at 7:36 PM said...

Yea loved this I mean I am a gender fluid/bigender and want to go into domination but this is onen thing i will be doing at the upmost level is applying to this:
"Did you get that? I will write it again for all you dominants/masters out there who might be a bit slow in the mental department. BDSM RELATIONSHIPS ARE A TWO WAY STREET!!! Do you understand what that truly means? Far too many dominants seem to think that a BDSM relationship is all about them. It is not. Just by its definition, a relationship entails two people both who have needs and expectations which are to be met. As you can guess, this simple fact eludes so many in the BDSM world. If you would like to have a serious BDSM relationship, it is to your benefit to take note of what I am going to write here.
"and I would agree 100%

It's about yea respect as well in many ways, call me a caring dom if you like or a wannabe one anyway lol.

Jeremy Smith on April 3, 2016 at 7:38 PM said...

Also in the past (well over the last week) and way before I even admitted that I am the way I am, yes I have seen this probably all the time and no consideration to the sub.

It's just yea stupidity at it's finest!

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