June 21, 2014

Perfect Master?


Perfectionism is an ideal and one that is unattainable.  It is a state of mind which truly does NOT exist in the physical world.  Everything, especially people, are flawed.  They have good points and bad ones.  There is always something that someone can improve or change.  Life is really a never ending agenda of us bettering ourselves.  That is why the "educational" process continues until the day we die.

Too many seem to believe the perfect master exists out there.  In reading profiles as I scour the web, I realized that there is a segment of the BDSM population seeking perfection.  This creates a problem since they are realistically chasing after a ghost.  Figments of the imagination are never fulfilled since they are illusions.  Waiting for the perfect master to come along is an exercise in futility.  That is probably why so many are miserable.

Hopefully, when you are done reading this, you will have a different viewpoint.

What Do You Want?

Those who regularly read my writings know that everything in the BDSM world begins with the inner search.  To start the process, one needs to ask what he or she wants.  It is common for newer people to be like the proverbial "kids in a candy store" seeing all possibilities are feasible while not knowing which direction to go in.  It is a basic fact that when no choices are eliminated, overwhelm is likely.  The vanilla world does the filtering for us by having its lists of dos and do nots.  BDSM is not that way.  We have to self-filter since creating a relationship however you want it structured (and containing whatever you desire in it) is the norm.

Therefore, we must kick start things by determining what it is that you want.  What are the qualities or traits you desire?  You can start with the physical attributes and move from there.  Many people seem to feel that focusing at this level is rather shallow.  While much of my writing has to do with depth, I am the first to admit that some type of physical attraction needs to exist for a relationship to excel.  Certainly, one does not need to hold out for a super model type (or perhaps he or she does).  However, most of us are visually stimulated in some way thus desiring one who physically appeals to us.

Hence we assemble a list of what is the perfect master for us (this works for slaves also):

Just off the top of my head, this is what he might look like.

-Handsome with a captivating voice.
-Body in great physical condition
-Knowledgeable in all type of BDSM play.
-Caring and compassionate
-Firm and strict when he needs to be
-A great dresser
-Honest but judicious in what he says
-Marvelously funny
-Money oozing out of every pore
-A great conversationalist exhibiting intelligence in a wide range of areas.
-Courageous in all situations.
-Humble and down to earth.
-Attentive while remaining focused upon what is important.
-A leader who continually plans the course of your life together.
-The ability to make his slave feel like she is at the center of the universe.
-A strong jaw
-Sex drive that would make a porn start blush with the equipment to fulfill it.
-Loves NASCAR (or hates NASCAR)..whichever applies
-And finally, a butt that can crack a walnut.

How do you feel about this list?  Did I miss much?  This gives us a good basis upon which to find out perfect master.  However, as I stated above, this is an illusion.  So what do we do?

Ideal Master

Instead of seeking out the perfect master, it is best for one to look for the ideal master.  Now, this brings up the question what the heck is an ideal master?   Basically, an ideal master is one who hits many of the traits listed in her perfect master list (above in our example).  In short, it is the ideal person for that particular slave.  It is always important to remember we are talking about a relationship, hence compatibility is important.  So many over look this simple concept.  If two people do not align in their likes and dislikes, long term success in their relationship usually is not going to occur.

Getting back to the topic, one must search out the person who is ideal for her.  As we all know, this can take some time and effort.  Rarely do we hit upon the person at the first attempt.  To use another cliche, we need to kiss a lot of frogs before we find the prince.  Nevertheless, if one has an idea about what she seeks initially, she can eliminate a host of mistakes (i.e. pretenders and fakes) right off the bat.  Many of the qualities she seeks will not be present upon initial contact.  In this instance, simply move on.

Another aspect of the ideal master concept is that eliminating perfection from the equation is fundamental to long term success in a relationship.  Too many are shocked when the fairy tale is burst via reality hitting.  When one puts a master (or any other human) on a pedestal, he or she apt to experience disappointment.  The universal truth is people are flawed including masters.  Mistakes are made.  Sadly, our slave is crushed when she realizes her master actually farts, makes mistakes, has a temper, or can be a bit pissy at times.  Remember, he is not perfect no matter how much he acts it online.  The most likely scenario is whatever flaws exist within you are also contained in him.  People are people no matter what side of the power exchange coin they fall.

Focus upon this and I believe you will have greater success in the BDSM world.  Give up the idea of perfection and seek someone who is ideal for you.  Keep in mind what is ideal for one is not the case for another.  We all have different needs and desires which not everyone can fulfill.  Focus upon what is within your core while being important to you.  There is someone out there who will match up with you on most of the things you hold dear.  However, there are also a ton of people who are a mismatch and best avoided unless you desire the experience of pain (the kind even the painsluts detest).

As always, be safe out there.

DN  

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