April 27, 2013


We live in a world where personal privacy is being eliminated.  Unless you are one of those extreme people who is willing to move completely off the grid, odds are you suffer from less privacy today as compared to even 10 years ago.  Social media, online databases, and the speed flow of information means that your private "stuff" is out there.  It is a downside to the information age and one that we all need to adapt to.

Fringe Lifestyle

BDSM, even with the advent of 50 Shades, is still a fringe lifestyle.  No matter what many of us believe, the average mindset towards this way of life is that it goes counter to what is normal.  Remember, society promotes equality while BDSM is based upon the fundamental concept of power exchange.  Also, a topic such as slavery carries a great emotional toll with many.  The idea of consent means little.

We often lose sight of this fact especially if we interact with other lifestyle people.  People tend to fall into the habit of thinking that what they associate with is normal and the experience of others.  We see this clearly when the barometer is based upon socio-economic factors.  A rich California heiress cannot identify with a farmer from the Midwest.  They are of two totally different worlds.  Yet the Hollywood heiress thinks that her way of thinking is sound since everyone around her carries the same ideals.  The disconnect from others is based greatly on the environment.

The same thing occurs within this lifestyle.  While most of us have to operate with "normies" because of our jobs, the fact is, outside of work, we tend to gravitate towards those who think the same way we do.  Even our online interactions are with other BDSM people.  Hence, openly discussing our preferred lifestyle and different aspects of it is common.  Our mindset embraces it to the point that it is normal for us.  Yet is is imperative not to lose sight of the fact that few think this way.  To them, it is perverted and abusive.  Being less underground does not make it more mainstream.

There Are Consequences

Most adults know there are consequences for everything in life.  No matter what action you take, there is going to be an outcome.  Sometimes it is what we desire while others not.  This is the way life is.  However, there are factors which arise which can be viewed as unfair.  Nevertheless, another part of life is that often we are powerless to do anything about it.

The fact that your privacy is being eroded means that the risk is greater of being found out.  We have heard the stories of potential employers asking for a facebook username and password to further investigate the individual.  The courts, as far as I know, have upheld this practice.  Regardless of this, even without direct access, anyone can search social media to see what one is doing.  This is where many find themselves in trouble.

I recently read a post where a person (part of a couple) post a picture of himself on his profile page.  It was a BDSM site where him and his slave interacted with others.  To make a long story short, his employer was tipped off to it and soon became his ex-employer.  This person lost his job because of his lifestyle choice.  Actually, I correct that statement: this person lost his job because of his openly posting a pic in regards to his lifestyle choice.  The openness is what did him in.

Should this person be fired simply because he opts to live in a M/s relationship?  Of course my answer is an emphatic "no".  But I am not his employer.  Certainly, as it stands now, it is within his company's legal right to terminate him.  Fair or not, this is what happened.

It is easy to get caught up in the idea that we are going to proclaim from the highest mountain our lifestyle choice.  This is something that I always cautioned against.  The fact is others are not so open and accepting of our decisions.  Their prejudice leads them to believe there is something wrong with us.  This is a basic component that anyone who is open will encounter.  Therefore, it is best to be judicious with who we "expose" ourselves to.

Obviously, the fired individual never dreamed this could happen.  How many of us post pics of ourselves without a thought.  Yet, as this scenario shows, there can be consequences to that decision.  There is nothing one can do about it once it is out there.  Remember this idea when doing things online.  Act as if someone else is watching because there is.


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