June 8, 2013

Effective Punishments

Punishments are an acceptable and necessary part of the BDSM lifestyle especially when one is involved in TPE.  When one decides to submit to another, this action carries with it all agreed upon results.  Part of being an effective dominant is the ability to punish so that desired ends are achieved.  Sadly, as with most aspects of the lifestyle, this is something that is misunderstood.


Pain is the one area that most instantly refer to when considering punishments. Certainly, this shows that most of us grew up in the era where spankings, whippings, and other forms of physical punishments were acceptable.  It is evident that society, as a whole, seems to look differently upon that method of discipline.  Nevertheless, since it is ingrained in us so deeply, this is a conclusion most gravitate towards.

The only problem with this concept is that punishment is not something that is meant to be enjoyed.  There are many within the lifestyle who thoroughly enjoy pain.  This is a wonderful thing yet can make discipline a bit of a challenge.  Punishing someone who loves pain is akin to disciplining a child by giving him or her ice cream.  The level of enjoyment might not achieve the desired result.

Before going any further, I will acknowledge that even those who love pain take differently to pain inflicted based upon play/pleasure as compared to when the dominant one is upset.  Even though it is the same people involved conducting the same action, the fact that one is upset with the other changes the experience.  Nevertheless, in situations like this, there could be more effective methods.

Desired Outcome

Few seem to realize that punishment is not something that is done for fun.  It seems that this is a misconception that is carried by both dominant and submissive types.  While many of us are sado or masochists, impact play is just that: play.  When disciplining, there should be no enjoyment involved.  Pleasure is not the outcome.  Instead, what one seeks is behavior modification.

A submissive requires discipline when she (he) does something wrong.  It is that simple.  In this instance, the dominant preferred a particular course of action and it was not met.  Therefore, something needs to be done to ensure that the proper behavior does result.

It is at this point that one needs to be thoughtful in the methodology.  To start, not every mistake requires discipline.  This is another fallacy that I see so many espouse.  Submissives are human therefore open to mistakes like everyone else.  Oftentimes, simply pointing out the mistake while explaining the preferred course of action is effective.  In my belief, mistakes do NOT required punishment.  Instead, basic constructive criticism is the way to go.

Sadly, there are times when the same mistake is made repeatedly.  At these times, something harsher needs to be done.  When this point is reached it is apparent that the message is not getting through to the individual.

The way one can go about it is varied.  I am not going to detail forms of punishment or methods to use.  The point I am making is that one needs to design a system of discipline that garners the attention of the submissive.  In other words, it "needs to hurt".  Again, do not mistake that idea to mean some form of impact.  Depending upon the individual, there are an assortment of methods which will drive the message home.  This is akin to grounding the teenager from the party on Saturday night when all his friends will be there.  Missing the party equals great pain.

In closing, when designing a punishment, leave the ego out of it.  Too many seem to get off on the power of being able to discipline another.  This action is not about you nor the power you wield.  It is about effectively managing the situations in your relationship that you are empowered to handle.  When things go awry, for whatever reason, it is up to you to take corrective action which is the goal of any punishment.


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sunnygirls on August 28, 2013 at 11:04 AM said...

I would like to know, what a sub can do when the dom has done something wrong? I mean not by a punishment (what is possible too) but in regular life, when the behavior from the dom is disrespectfull or uncaring? Can the sub speak about it right away? And which reaction should be expactet from the dom? Would be happy for an answer! ;D

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