April 2, 2013

You Are The Best

Rejection is a difficult thing for many to take?  This is true in any walk of life.  People do not like to be told, or worse, shown, that they are not desirable in any way.  However, true success in life comes after persisting through those times when rejection occurs.  We need only to look at people such as Colonel Sanders of KFC fame who finally sold his recipe for chicken after over 1,000 rejections. 

Social Rejection

Rejection is a part of the social scene no matter what "lifestyle" one opts to live in.  Almost everyone of us has suffered this to some degree.  Whether is the receiving a "no" when asking the cute girl to the prom or not receiving an invite because you are not considered desirable by the boys, rejection hurts.  Being told no is something we do not like to hear.

In addition, the ending of a relationship often occurs in such a way that one is rejected.  Under this scenario, one is turned away by the other.  The breakup is not mutual but, rather, a decision that one of the partners made.  Of course, this can wreak havoc on the self esteem of the one who is "dumped".  Again, being rejected, especially by someone who is close to you, never feels good.

The thing to keep in mind is there are many reasons why one "rejects" another.  Often it is simply a lack of knowledge.  For example, the online world is an epicenter for rejection.  Go to any BDSM site and you will only have to send out a few emails to understand what I am referring to.  The amount of games plays means that one will ultimately experience rejection of some sort.  It is inevitable so you must prepare for it.

A Choice

Believe it or not, rejection is something that we choose to accept or not.  I know this might seem strange to write but it is a fact.  We cannot experience rejection unless we opt to experience this within ourselves.  Rejection is an emotional state that we put ourselves in.  One way to combat this is to avoid this state at all costs.

Sales is a career where rejection comes with the territory.  Salespeople are trained to accept "no" as a part of their existence and to overcome it.  How do they do this?  They simply do not take the response personal.  What do I mean by this?  A successful sales person will not internalize any negative responses.  He or she knows that the way another reacts is of not a personal reflection upon him or her.  In fact, this salesperson knows that personal rejection is impossible.  One might say no to the offer or product presented but, again, that is not a reflection upon the sales person.

How does this equate to BDSM?  Simple.  Many take the responses of others personally.  This is especially true online.  For example, it is quite common for one to start an email interaction only to receive something from the other person to the effect "I do not think you are what I am looking for".  Now this might be true.  However, in many instances, there is not enough information for one to honestly judge what the other person is about.  Words on a screen do not convey the essence of a person.  Yet so many believe that the other person is "attacking" them by drawing a conclusion.  The truth is the other person has no idea who you are. 

Therefore, what do you do?  Do you opt to buy into the opinion of another who has no idea who or what you are?  Is this a person who has enough information to draw a common sense conclusion about you?  The answer is no.  At this point in time, you have a choice whether to buy into his or her opinion or ignore it.  While certain things said might be accurate, most of what people notice does not reflect your true essence.  And this is something that is impossible to learn online.

You Are The Best

Another way to combat this is for you to embrace the idea that you are the best or at least working towards it.  Life is nothing more than a series of choices.  Each day, we make decisions which affect the path we travel.  Most selections really have no major impact on our life experience.  Decisions such as what movie to watch mean little in the grand scheme.  However, a choice of whether to get married or not is something which has greater impact.  Nevertheless, our present circumstances are nothing more than a sum total of all our decisions.

An interesting thing takes place when you understand this concept.  Everyone else operates under the same principle.  The results in their lives are nothing more than the total of all the decisions ever made.  People are free to decide what they want.  Sometimes these decisions are beneficial while others are extremely detrimental.  My suggestion is to make the decision to reject you tremendously detrimental in the lives of others.

Before going any further, please note that I am not advocating acting like an arrogant, obtuse ass.  Behavior such as this only serves to make one completely undesirable.  Arrogance is not derived from confidence but fear.  Those who have to tell you how great they are tend to know deep down how inadequate they truly are.  The facade is erected to fool the outer world while the inner world is known. 

What I mean by the idea to make the decision to reject you detrimental is that you need to hold yourself in high regard.  To do this, there needs to be congruence with the inner truth and external image presented.  If you are dominant, the idea is that you are the best Master anyone could have.  Of course, to maintain this mindset with all honesty, you need to continually be advancing your skills to reflect this.  A decision to be the best that is not followed up with the garnering of knowledge and experience will lead to disconnect.  Ultimately, your inner self knows the truth.

The same holds for submissives.  If a dominant rejects you, make sure you understand that he (she if Domme) is walking away from the best sub to grace that area.  View yourself with high esteem while continually working on yourself to ensure this is true.  Much of what we deal with in BDSM is learned.  The quality of dominance/submission are natural but the act of dominating and submitting occur only after knowledge is attained.  Be committed to pushing your talents forward. 

There is one situation which often throws people when trying to achieve this outlook.  What if what the other person said as the reason for rejecting is true?  The answer to this is simply "for now".  One might mention a person's weight as a reason for a lack of interest.  In this scenario, the scale does not lie.  However, does that mean one will be that way in 3 or 6 months?  If something is pointed out as accurate, there is no reason to believe that it cannot be changed.  Skills can be acquired with study; personality quirks can be altered with effort; physical qualities can often be changed with proper diet and exercise.  Regardless of what it is, the person you are today is not who you will be in the future.

In closing, apply this mindset the next time someone rejects you in a certain way.  Develop the mindset that this person is making a mistake by not pursuing you.  Believe that you are the best dominant or submissive this person will ever come across.  If there are some areas where you are lacking, work to remove them.  And finally, if there is something that is pointed out to you that is impossible to change, such as your height, understand that the person you are dealing with is most likely shallow and you are better off pursuing someone else.  Focus only on those things that can be altered.  And remember, you are only rejected if you choose to accept it. 


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