The most precious resource any of us have is the commodity called "time". Many like to say that time is money. This is inaccurate. Time is more valuable than money. Ask this to any person on his/her deathbed. I can guarantee you the person would trade all the money owned for a few more moments on this planet. Money can be lost and made back. There are countless stories of people who went through this. In fact, many people with money went bust a time or two before making it big. However, the same is not true with time. While like money in that it can be invested or wasted, the fact is time cannot be recouped. Once that moment passes, it is gone forever. Replenishment is not possible with time.
Which brings me to BDSM. Over the last few weeks I have spent some time writing about the online world. As most everyone is aware, the multitude of game players online is endless. The percentages are absolutely horrifying to anyone who really looks at things closely. Go to any of the main BDSM "dating" sites and you will realize that almost everyone on there lacks a genuineness to them. While not all are game players, they are not serious considerations either.
My personal estimates are as follows:
50% are outright game players
40 % are real but not genuine
10% (at most) are real and genuine
What does this mean? The 50% includes all the scammers, con artists, married men masturbating in the basement while the wife sleeps, the bored housewife, etc... These people are not interested in anything and most of what they write are lies from the start.
The real but not genuine crowd are those people who claim to be one thing but are not. Isolating this a bit, I am referring to the ones who claim to be submissive, as an example, but are not. The same holds true for all the "Masters" who read a few books and visited a couple of websites. In their minds they believe what they are telling people but they are misinformed. The difference between this group is they are what they proclaim in the sense a 45 year old male is not a 19 year old playing online games. The basic information is factual which makes them real but the misguided beliefs creates a lack of genuineness.
The final group is what we are after. These are the people who understand what is going on. My problem is that I am beginning to believe that my statistics are a bit high. This group might be closer to 5%. We are dealing with the proverbial needle in a haystack on most of these sites. And that is the major problem.
It Costs All Of Us
The problem is that the game players cost all of us. Anyone who is seeking anyone on these sites, even if it is for friendship or guidance, will have to sift through the aforementioned statistics. This is a difficult situation since these numbers tell us 90% of the interactions are going to be a waste of time. While I admit they are estimates, reading the frustration in the profiles on these types of sites tells me that people are experiencing just this.
What is costly is the time factor. There is a lot of disheartening emotions when one finds out he or she was "taken for a ride". By the way, do not feel bad if this happened to you. Anyone who deals online is going to experience this. It is the nature of the beast. The only way to avoid it is to only deal with the local community (and even then the snakes exist). Even the most experienced of us suffer this when dealing online.
As mentioned, time cannot be recouped. The problem in dealing with the pretenders is that the time spent interacting with this "dominant" (as an example) is gone forever. At the same time, while one "submitted" to this person, others were passed by. We see the opportunity cost arise in the decision to focus upon someone who is not real.
One area I often question this is when I see someone is "under consideration by Master X". While this is a path many take in real situations, my curiosity is peaked when I see the people are in two separate states (or countries). The first thing that pops into my head is that this person is missing the potential to get with someone local while spending time with someone at a great distance. Of course, there are many instances where long distance relationships are closed geographically and people do become real time. However, I feel certain that most of these situations are just games (based upon my percentages above).
Hence we find ourselves in situations where we spend a lot of time chasing after nothing. There are so many pretenders out there that most interactions are nothing more than time wasters. Anyone who was interacting with someone only to find they disappeared (profiles erased, emails blocked, etc...) understands what I am referring to.
Therefore, consider the idea of opportunity cost when starting to isolate your communication with someone from the online world. Try to assess what you are dealing with. Where does the person fall. Is he or she just an outright game player? Or are this person real but missing the boat about what he or she says? The goal is to spend our moments interacting with those who fit into the 10% category of real and genuine. This is a tall task yet is crucial. Failure to do so leads to a great deal of frustration and the opportunity cost can be great. There are real Masters and slaves out there. It is just a matter of finding them.
This is the challenge.
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