February 5, 2011

Revisiting the Basics

Every so often, no matter how long one is around, it is always good to reexamine the basics. This applies to all aspects of life but is also very important in the BDSM world. There are many things that need to be looked at periodically. Here are just a few that I like to review.

The Lifestyle:

Why did I choose this life? What about it interested me initially and does that same reasoning hold? If not, are there other motivations for living my life as I do?

The truth is there are many forces in daily life which can pull us away. At times the thoughts of 'maybe I am better suited for the vanilla world' goes through all of our minds. This is especially true when one is unattached and alone. It is far easier to stay connected when one is interacting with others in the lifestyle. The normal world simply does not understand us. Plus, there are different pressures and criteria for judging when we intermingle with the day-to-day people. This can cause us to lose sight of what is important.


If you are in a relationship, perhaps it is best to go back to the basics with this person. It is human nature for things to get stale without effort. We all have a tendency to fall into routine (read rut). This leads to us taking things (others) for granted. I personally am guilty of this offense in numerous occassions. It is best to revisit the fundamentals of your relationship to reinvigorate the spice.


Both submission and domination require effort. Even though these are natural desires which reside within each of us, there are certain skills which go along with it. It is imperative that we remember what it is that got us to the place that it did. As a dominant, it is easy for me to get lazy and start acting like a bossy asshole. I need to continually remind myself that fear is an awful tool to use to dominate. At the same time, while I might have the respect of one and the authority over her, I can easily lose the power. My ability to dominate is dependent upon my ability to grow. Failure to grow means I will descend backwards.


There are basic techniques associated with all we do. Perhaps one is a little rusty on his/her rope tying skills (or never had them to begin with). This is where going back to the basics can be helpful. Revisit the different areas of play that you engage(d) in and go through all important factors. Approach it like you are new person learning these things for the first time. After some time, flogging or whipping become second nature to us. With that 'expertise' can also come laziness. For example, are you attentative to 'wraparound' as you are scening. I know when I first started using a whip, this was a major concern for me (because I was told to be attentive to this).

Safety is always a top priority to us. Have you reviewed your safety techniques of late. How is the first aid kit? Does it have all the things you will need for proper aftercare? Are needles and blades old and rusty? Do they need replacing? Are you in need of a revisiting of the medical book to see where the sensitive (i.e. dangerous) parts of the body are?

The Eastern philosophies tell us that mastery is achieved only through mastery of the basics. It is easy for us to overlook some of the things that are second nature to us. However, as was stated, it is best for everyone to reconsider all these things. If you do that, the BDSM experience will take on a (re)new(ed) meaning.

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