Unable To Take Care of Themselves
How many people do we encounter in this lifestyle who can truly take care of themselves? Honestly. Consider that question for a while. It is something that is really worth exploring in detail. I undertook this expedition and was amazed what I found.
The truth is that few who we meet, especially online, are capable of providing for themselves. Most of the people suffer from so many things that it is almost impossible to straighten out. It is easy to see why most BDSM relationships fail in a short period of time. The majority of these people have absolutely no business being in a relationship whatsoever. Instead, they belong in therapy dealing with their emotional issues.
Before going any further, I will state that the statements I am making apply equally to those who are dominant as well as the submissive ones. It might be taken that only the submissive suffer from some of the ailments I am going to mention. That is not the case. Those who proclaim to be 'dominant' have just as many hang ups.
To start, the BDSM world has to be the most immature group of people I ever encountered. The whimers are so commonplace that it is a rarity to encounter one who accepts responsibility for what transpires. These people are like schoolchildren who have their pails taken in the sandbox. They scream and cry in an effort to get recognized. Of course, they also want justice. Nevertheless, until an adult shows up, the tantrum persists.
How often do we see this online? There are so many who behave in this exact manner. They are simply to immature to deal with real time interaction. Thus, they head to the virtual reality only to expose themselves as inept in this arena also. Few seem to know how to behave in a responsible, adult manner. Instead they whine about everything. If you doubt this statement, simply ask anyone who has moderated a BDSM site. You will be surprised about the stories you are told. Sadly, it is not all the new people doing the complaining. The old timers seem to be just as ornery about things.
Another reason that I conclude that most are simply complete morons is because they lack common sense. This is the natural ability to think through things in a sensible way. Nevertheless, I interact with so many who seem to lack the skillset to even get out of the rain without written instruction.
My favorite example is the subbie/slave who tells me 'Master does not like questions'. I cannot tell you the number of times I asked a person of this ilk about her Master, the one that she is going to move her kids in with, only to get this response. So, let me get this straight: you are going to move your family without knowing anything about the person you are move to? Duh. Are you stupid? Once again, common sense goes out the window.
Another one is believing all that one is told online. Here again, this applies to the dominants as much as the submissives. The truth is that the online world is an anonymous venue. People hide behind this reality and create whatever persona he or she wants. I once heard of a girl who has 18 collars. Now I am certain that at least a few of those 'Masters' believed what they had with this woman was real. They swallowed what she said hook, line, and sinker.
Common sense mandates that one take a lot of what is said with a grain of salt. Sure you can give people the benefit of the doubt. But do not take what they say as gospel. Also, if you find that one is 'attacking you', get over it. The truth is that most of the people you meet are nothing more than characters on a computer screen. Your interaction with them will never be more than that. So accept that as the reality of life.
Finally, most simply are neurotic. They have no dealt with psychological issues that are causing them emotional harm today. People seem to think that burying what happened is a way of dealing with it. That is not true. Unless one addresses the underlying issues of one's past, nothing will change.
For example, many on the submissive side tend to be heavy. Why is this? Well, in my interaction with numerous submissive types over the years, I learned that sexual abuse is also commonplace among people within this lifestyle. Therefore, many seem to deal with their abuse of the past by making themselves unattractive to others. This is a common psychological response to an unresolved issue such as this. Until one deals with the underlying neurosis, nothing will change.
Another area that is way off seems to be in regards to self esteem. People involved in BDSM tend to be always trying to compensate for poor self image. Again, we can point to the weight issue as one sign. Another is the pure arrogance on the part of dominants. These people are compensating for the fact that they truly think poorly of themselves. The idea of having someone to 'boss' around sits well with them. Of course, they do not have the ability to be responsible in this position. Those who are in a charge while having poor esteem tend to be abusive. Hence why there are so many horror stories that arise.
The bottom line is that it takes maturity, smarts, and commitment to make a BDSM relationship work. And, in my experience, there are so few who are able to operate at this level. I believe that looking at one's track record will yield signs as to his or her ability to succeed in this area. Sadly, most people you will encounter online do not have a stellar past. Keep this in mind when you are thinking about making a serious commitment to someone.
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