February 8, 2011

Emotional Control=Maturity

Why do I title this post in this manner? Simple. Because a lack of emotional control equals immaturity. And that is what most in this lifestyle seem to major in. There are so many who behave in ways that is reminding of a toddler. I can picture some of these people sitting in their high chairs crying and tossing their food across the room. That is the behavior of many that I see, especially online.

Acting Like An Adult

Do you remember when two children would be on the playground playing in the sandbox when a fight would break out over the pail or shovel? The ensuing melee was filled with 'mine. mine. mine.' Of course, once the parental units arrived, it was explained to the youths that sharing was the proper way to interact. This concept was promptly met with 'but. but. but'. Eventually, either the child saw the wisdom on the adult viewpoint (usually after an explanation about leaving if the attitude didnt change) or the parent snatched the child out of the sandbox thus ending the day's festivities.

Another image that I want to conjure up is the child who is angry. Have you ever seen a 7 or 8 year old throw a temper tantrum? It is rather comical when you think about it. The child's face turns all shades of red, tears start flowing, the voice raises up to rock concert decibels, and things are thrown. Of course, the adult in the situation meets this tantrum with calm and force. Any mature person knows that it is a losing proposition to escalate and match the person who is out of control. Mature people behave like adults when dealing with children.

However, what happens when adults behave like children? The aforementioned examples might bring a smile to your face but it is easy to envision adults behaving in a similar manner. And, this is especially true among the BDSM crowd (although I really don't think them any different from the norm). The level of immaturity that I witness, especially online, is astounding. It is almost like dealing with a bunch of children. Now I know who pre-school teachers feel.

Control One's Fear

Behind all lack of emotional control is fear. Fear affects people in different ways. However, one thing that is universal is that fear spreads like a cancer. It causes people to go on the offensive. Battles take place online amongst people who never met with the same vigor that the Hatfields fought the McCoys. When you step back and realize the insanity of that behavior, you begin to understand the childishness of it all.

How important it is to be right? If you monitor the online activities, you are led to believe that being right is the most important thing in the world. People are continually having to save 'face'. This is a fear based action which we also see present in real life. Reputation is something that people place a great deal of concern upon. Sadly, this is just another way of saying that one places great weight on what others think. Once again, we see the child from within arising.

Emotional control means that one is able to rise above the situation and see it from afar. Truthfully, what does it matter what people think and write online. Being an author I can tell you people have panned my ideas in the most venomous of ways. Do I lose any sleep over it? Not in the least. When I write, the people who get enjoyment out of it are the ones that benefit. The others? Well they can just jump in a lake.

If I wanted to, I could engage in fearful thinking by considering how much my reputation is affected by those who disagree with me. This would lead me to believe that I needed to 'correct' them and show everyone how much smarter I am. Of course, this all would lead to a vicious cycle that is never ending. Ultimately, the one who would suffer is me.

Taking a mature approach to these situations is the only way to control the fear. Fear is cunning. It will take over without one noticing. Emotional control is how one stands out. Rising above the commotion while maintaining sanity is what gives one power. Online, the bar is set low in this regard. The behavior of the masses within the BDSM community shows that most lack the emotional ability to be involved with people in general. This is a statement I make after years of observation.

So, when you see me write about growth, sometimes I am referring to something as simple as 'growing up'.

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