Worthy By Showing Respect

I am going to write this post from the dominant perspective. Please bear in mind, much of what I state here can be equally applied to a Dom/Master. This is not a one-sided idea that only pertains to the submissive one.

Do you show respect? This is a question that is only answered by looking at ones actions. Sadly, my only conclusion is that most do not have respect. Instead, they pay lip service to an idea because they feel it proper. Telling me you respect me and acting in accordance to that ideal are two entirely different matters. Those who bridge the two are those worthy of being owned.

I come across so many who are absolutely pathetic. There is no other way to describe them. They are miserable failures in every manner. Just knowing these people are in public makes my skin crawl. To me, they are not worth even giving the time of day. In short, they add nothing to life.

Does this sound harsh? Absolutely. But this is a matter that I feel very strongly about. The BDSM lifestyle is fabricated in its online presentation. There is little that happens in the imagery on the web that has to do with BDSM. Pictures of whips and chains are nice; however they do little to tell the real story of what a BDSM relationship is all about.

Behaviors

A relationship is an interaction between two people. It is that simple. The feelings that we have in a particular relationship is what distinguishes it from other. BDSM is no different. We have deep emotional connections to some (such as a Master or slave) while feeling less for others (someone we just play with occasionally). Obviously, those who make the commitment by choosing a life such as M/s are willing to experience and work through the different feelings that comes with that type of interaction.

That being said, part of the deal is to position oneself so as to make the other person proud. While this might sound a bit superficial, there is a methodology which will show how deep this can go. The actions one takes is what reveals his or her true feelings towards another. Of course, this can often be predicated upon the actions the other person took. Everything we do has consequences. It is important to remember this fact. Monitoring our behaviors help to create positive results.

What We Can Change

In my book Sexual Motivation, I mentioned that there were 4 things that a person needed to focus upon to make oneself more attractive sexually which are also the same criteria that society judges success. Focusing our efforts on these four areas creates a new motivation and success record that will improve anyone's life. One area that I mentioned was the physical makeup of a person. This is one area that we have the ability to change.

That being said, being involved in a BDSM relationship, or more specifically, a M/s relationship, entails showing respect for one's Master. This means one will need to alter behavior so as to act in an appropriate manner. In other words, a slave needs to focus upon doing those things that will make her Master proud. Acting to the contrary tells me that she lacks the respect for not only him, but herself.

Munches can be a lot of fun for those who are into that type of thing. However, since they are in public settings, are you behaving in a way that shows the proper respect for your Master? From the actions that I have witnessed over the years, I will say that is a negative. Many simply behave pathetically when in the presence of others.

How we act in circumstances is something that we can control. While factors such as height and eye color are outside our realm of influence, what we say and do in front of others is not. Focusing on behaving in a respectful manner is of extreme importance. It is the actions that show how you feel a lot more than the words that you utter.

More Than Sir

Many believe that simple calling one Master or Sir is being respectful. That is not respect, that is indoctrination. The military does it all the time. Calling someone a particular title means that you can remember to utter something in a particular way. In this regard, at least you are equal to a parrot. However, this fails to show any respect whatsoever. Hell, all the online fakes sit there spewing "Sir" all day. They have no respect for the people they are chatting with. In fact, many of them are getting their rocks off thinking how absurd it all is. Therefore, the word Sir means nothing.

What shows respect? To answer this, I will tell you to look at the total package from outside of yourself. Simply, how do you think others will view you in different settings? Once you see that, is that is something that a Dom or Master will be proud of? Or, are you an embarrassment of the highest degree? While it might be difficult, I would urge you to be honest. Your relationship is riding upon this very thing.

A slave who has respect for her Master will do everything in her power to ensure that her "presentation" in front of others is in top form. She will dress appropriately. Her body will be cleaned and well maintained. Her every intention is to have him be able to tell anyone "she is mine".

I am reminded of a story one told me about a couple of women she worked with who got into a fist fight in the office. These young twenty-somethings behaved like a bunch of street thugs. Now, this might be a reflection of me getting old, but that is not behavior that I would be proud to have my "girl" engaging in. To me, this is an outright embarrassment to anyone remotely involved with these women.

The same idea holds true for this way of life. When one is behaving in a juvenile fashion, especially in front of others who are in this lifestyle, she is a reflection on her Master. Some might think her immaturity funny; then again, some might not. If I am one sitting there watching, I will think less of that Master because of the behavior of his slave. The same is true if she is dressed like a slob with messy hair and looks (smells) like she hasn't bathed in a month. This all reflects upon the Master in my opinion. A slave needs to take extreme caution to ensure her "presentation" is the best.

*As stated, this idea holds equally true for the dominant person also. So many think that being dominant entitles them to act like total assholes. That is not being dominant, that is being an asshole. There is a major difference. Someone acting like the later will not garner respect from anyone. Certainly, this will not come from a slave who is worth a damn. Those who have healthy self-confidence will not want to associate with a jerk. It is possible to be dominant and respectful at the same time.

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Attracting A Sub Online

I wrote this post on my social BDSM site and thought it appropriate to share with you all here. If you have comments, please click the link and comment on that page.

After reading the last few posts on here about the way many approach submissive types with the "I am Master hear me pout" routine, I figured I would relate my experience in getting the attention of another online.

To start, any sub/slave worth a crap need to know you have something to offer her (I will write from the male dominant perspective but applies equally in reverse). Just throwing your name with a capital and a loud bellowing do not cut it. You had better have something that she can latch onto in terms of things that you are able to do for her.

The best way to do this is to get involved with a site like this by posting your experience and ideas. This shows anyone who reads that you know what you are talking about (presumming that you do). Notice how I wrote the word 'experience'. Any fool can go cut and paste posts off a different website. A person who is looking wants to know that she is dealing with someone who has some idea what is actually going on.

I found that well written posts containing plenty of personal experience will draw attention of those who are seeking. There are many who visit a site like this but do not post. However, they do read...every single word. And they process all that is written. Putting yourself out there as someone who is knowledgable will get you noticed and contacted.

The next aspect is to be nice. The loud mouth assholes who are constantly being abrasive are not worthy of anyone's time. And they show themselves to be terrible dominants. This is because a true Dom is confident. One who is bellowing all the time is showing how he lack confidence and suffers from an inferiority complex. They need to intimidate to make themselves feel better.

I will give you an example. I once had a 'Master" in a chat room take exception that I didnt show him respect in front of the slaves in the room. He was getting quite upset because, from what I could tell, his entire worth was tied up in having these characters on a screen strung together to form words respect him. While he got angrier, I simply wrote that my respect is something earned and that, if he wanted it, he needed to show me he was worthy of it. Just saying he is a Master doesnt make it so.

***One side note here: In this case, he might have been a real Master; I had no way of knowing. However, I found that most Masters who live in real time do not get all caught up in having their position recognized. We know what we are when we wake up and when we go to bed. Having the 'respect' through online protocol is not necessary.

FInally, if you have no experience, be open about it. Tell people that you are here to learn. Read, comprehend, and process what is written. Keep posting to show your progession. We were all new once so that is no shame. There are many who are able to quickly become proficient by studying this lifestyle. However, a sub needs to know that you are moving forward and growing. Her trust will increase when she has that confidence. Showing yourself to be someone who is adept at learning is a helpful way to compensate for lack of experience.

BDSM centers around a relationship. When dealing with another, take the time to learn about her. What does she like and how does that compare to your beliefs. If you are a devote Muslim and she a Christian, there might be issues. Red Sox and Yankee fans tend not to get along with each other. Nor do Auburn and Alabama alumni. Sports enthusiasts can clash with artists. Dog lovers have issues with cat people. This is where basic human interaction comes into play. Approach her as a person and learn how she will fit into your life and vice versa. The submission/domination qualities will be revealed in your conversations.

In the future, if you get one of those stupid emails of "I am Master hear me show my insecurity", please reply with this link http://anownedlife.socialparody.com/pg/blog/dennisnajee/read/917410/how-to-garner-a-subs-interest-online

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Sexual Motivation

We are pleased to announce the release of Dennis Najee's latest book, Sexual Motivation. This is a breakthrough in the area of personal development since Dennis touches upon an area that most people overlook. Learn how to claim the natural sexual power that resides within you and create the amazing life that you want. The ideas contained in here go contrary to all the social conditioning that we receive. This is what makes it so powerful. Download you copy today here.



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Respect For The Lifestyle

I am not sure as to why this happens but it seems like there are many who have little regard for this way of life. Even those who are supposedly "owned" tend to make a mockery of how we live. Perhaps this is due to the immaturity of those who are involved or maybe they are just playing games. Regardless of the reasoning, there appears to be only a few who truly take this lifestyle seriously.

In my last post, I wrote about the need to post one's entire life online to make one feel worthy. This is a form of disrespect for this way of life in my opinion. When one is sharing all the details of a scene he or she was involved in, this is the equivalent of bragging. There is no reason to share all your experiences in this way of life.

To contrast this, I analogize this to marriage. What would you think of a person who shared all the details of his or her sex life? Do you know the reputation that person acquires? What kind of respect does this show for his or her spouse? Certainly, I am not one who is uptight and hellbent on protocol. Nevertheless, there is a basic degree of respect people show themselves and others.

I am reminded of who usually shares they got "laid": teenage boys. They need to brag to their friends to make themselves feel better. It is a way to fit in. I see the same parallel to those in this lifestyle. The need to express what one is doing is done in an effort to prove that what he or she has is real. Of course, this is often done by those who are living an "online" life. There is no need to share reality since it speaks for itself.

Sadly, people like this quickly become a joke. This might be a judgmental approach but I feel the need to call it as I see it. The Internet is a valuable tool to share information and experiences with newer people. My personal preference is to share experiences only as they will help others. All the gory details are not necessary to prove my standing within this way of life. I know what choices I made and how I live. The desire to prove to others is minimal.

We live according to certain protocols for a reason. The basic truth is that everything has a certain way of doing things. Those who adhere to the basic tenets of a particular discipline are showing respect for it. For example, religious institutions all have protocols they follow. The believers of that faith show their loyalty and respect by following them. Non-believers take a different approach. The same is true here. Those who are serious about the lifestyle act like adults and remember to have respect for those involved.

Remember this idea the next time you have the desire to post something that many would believe is inappropriate. Contrary to what you might think, you do not live in a vacuum. Ideas get passed along, sometimes with harmful results.

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Freeing of Beliefs

I am in the process of writing a new book which uses sex as the main motivator for accomplishment. In it, I lay out a brief sketch of the history of sexual beliefs. For those who ever read up on this subject, it is fascinating to see how things changed over the thousands of years that man walked this planet.

Contrary to popular opinion, our sexual beliefs (or any other for that matter) are not written in stone. They are ideas that can change with time. We see this consistently at the individual level and witness it over centuries at the societal level. The belief of today does not reflect that of 500 years ago.

For example, did you know that before the 1100s, marriage was an institution devoid of emotional attachment? It was only during the age of romanticism that love entered the picture. Up until that point, both Christianity and Judaism promoted marriage as the mode for procreation. Nevertheless, this idea still had merit into the late 1800s with many marriages being arranged for political reasons. In fact, we still see this in Islam with powerful families uniting through the marriage of offspring.

Why do I bring all this up? My point here today is to show that being tied to our beliefs is an unhealthy way to approach life. This is especially true when we look at the BDSM way of life. To say that many of us are not mainstream is an understatement. Therefore, before we can accept living in this lifestyle, there needs to be a mental shift away from the traditional. In this instance, the concept of equality (or partnership is removed). BDSM is about a different power breakdown. Inequality is the norm. One has the power after the other cedes it over. This is vastly different from the average marriage where both people are considered in partnership.

BDSM starts in our head. Acceptance of the inner desires and your willingness to follow them is where your journey begins. There is something that initially drew all of us who are presently living in this way of life. However, for us to remain in it, we need to let go of some of the old beliefs that were drilled into us by society. It taught us what it believed happiness to be. Nevertheless, we were ones who found this did not apply to us. Thus, we found a way of life that did provide what we sought. Listening to the inner desires is crucial in my opinion.

Free yourself from the traditional beliefs of your upbringing. Begin to question those ideas that you carry around with you on a daily basis. Start to look at the reason why you believe something is right or wrong. Experience tells me this is something that was decided for us by others. The indoctrination process starts at a very young age and continues throughout life. Be one who is able to question what those around you proclaim. It is the key to freedom.

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