What Is Normal?

We use words such as lifestyle, vanilla, and traditional.  Non BDSM people tend to use words such as perverted, sick, and abnormal to describe us.  Obviously, we know, there is a major difference in perspective.  Yet this brings up the question, who is correct?

To start, I want to state that I do not like the term "lifestyle".  BDSM is not a lifestyle although that word is tossed around quite frequently.  I feel this is done to put this in a neat little box which is not possible.   This is not a lifestyle but, rather, my life.  Quite simply, people who are committed to this way of life simply made a choice of how they prefer to live.  It is no different than someone entering into a traditional marriage, being dedicated to a religious order, or a lifetime commitment to celibacy.  People are free to chose how they want to life.  For us, BDSM is the path we opted to follow.

That being said, most of us do not live this 24/7 in the sense we only interact with other people involved in BDSM and partake in the activities around the clock.  Most of us operate in the real world knowing that responsibilities still persist.  We are pragmatic in our outlook.  For example, most of us are well aware that one can be owned.  However, when it comes to work, while the Master might determine if she works or not, while on the clock, she has another Master called a boss.  This is simply how the world works.  Those of us involved in BDSM realize this basic fact of life and interweave our decisions with the rest of the world.

Getting back to some of the terms that are tossed around.  My basic question is "what is normal".  We hear it bantered about frequently, especially amongst the media types (i.e. wind filled talking heads) that espouse their grand wisdom on t.v or the radio.  However, do we really know what it means?  What are they referring to when they state "this is normal" (or usually this is abnormal)?  What does it mean to be normal?

Once again, if we give it a little thought, we come to realize that what is normal is really a mirage.  It is simply a set of standards, mostly unwritten, that society adheres to.  However, the majority of society does not have to adhere to them.  In fact, as we know by being in BDSM, most people stray from the common bounds of normalcy although they tend not to advertise it.  We only need see the success of 50 Shades to understand how many people have thoughts of power exchange and the number of people who actually considered it.  Of course, out of that total, a percentage will have engaged or experimented with it somewhere along the line.  Therefore, even though mainstream society calls us abnormal, the truth is that the majority of people have at least considered what we are into.  In fact, I would guess that the vast percentage of people have tried some form of BDSM play in the bedroom at least once.  Certainly, these are not "lifestyle" people but it does show that the inclinations that we follow are "normal".

What is evident is that normalcy is just a perspective.  Throughout history, there are times when normal is simply what is the majority.  For example, did you know there was a time it was considered abnormal to be left handed?  Since most people are right handed, anyone who used the left hand was thought of like there was something wrong with him.  Most of us have read or heard about the societies that really tarnished people for masturbation considering it sick and abnormal.  If I am not mistaken, people were institutionalized for it at different times throughout history.

The sad fact is that society presents a viewpoint which causes people to feel guilty if they stray outside the bounds of what was established.  What is even more asinine is that people are made to feel bad for even thinking of things that escape what is considered acceptable.  How many times have we seen someone post something about following those "dirty thoughts that I have had since I was a young girl"?  My question is what makes a thought dirty or clean?  Obviously, society will tell us that whether it be the schools, parents, or religious entities.  However, they are simply promoted their biased agenda which suits them.  The truth is one is free to determine whatever he or she opts to.  Of course, this requires exercising free thought.  There are no dirty or clean thoughts...there are just thoughts.  It is the judgment that one places upon them that makes them one or the other.  Unfortunately, much of the internal judgment is driven by the conditioning one received growing up.

My view is there is nothing wrong with the BDSM way of life.  On top of that, I actually believe it is the only natural way to establish or structure interactions.  Equality was created by man in an effort to create a "level playing field".  The net result of this is that the power ends up in the hands of a select few.  Equality is a path to real slavery.  Look around the world today and see where equality ended up.  In BDSM, we are very open about the fact that interactions are on a power exchange basis.  There is nothing equal about how we structure things.  Again, this matches nature.  Notice how the lion is the king of the jungle and not the rest of the animals.  Throughout the day, one operates as a predator while another is prey.  Of course, this can be reversed and the predator becomes prey to something either bigger or faster.  Either way, notice there is no equality.  In fact, equality is abnormal hence why it seems not to work.

I doubt I am the only one who believes the world is upside down.  Society has a way of touting its ideals which may or may not align with what any particular individual believes.  Actually, again looking at 50 Shades, oftentimes the viewpoint of society does not match what a great percentage of the people think.  Nevertheless, those who are in control, the ones with power, have the ability to insert their ideals upon the rest of the masses.  Sadly, most are sheep simply taking what is served it.  BDSM offers the opportunity to think for oneself.  Since normal cannot be described, the idea is for each of us to determine what is "normal for us".  This involves going within to decide what is present.  It is through this process that one can determine what is the best choice for his or her life.  BDSM is about freedom and it starts with the freedom to choose for yourself.



DN 

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.  

Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.