I come across profiles stating that they are seeking one of these. This got me thinking, what do these particular words mean and where does one fit on the spectrum? How is it that a man is a master but not a daddy for example?
A master is one who is capable to "owning" someone and controlling her life. This is the most basic definition of it. From this basis, one acquires certain skills that enhance or add to their interaction. Most masters will have a basic understanding of motivation, psychology, finance, leadership, and other matters which provide direction for the relationship. At the same time, he will contain qualities such as courage, strictness, discipline, determination, compassion, empathy, patience, and forgiveness. Please notice how some of these characteristics fall at opposite ends of the spectrum. Strictness and empathy tend not to go together in the minds of most. Yet, a true master will have both and apply each when necessary. If one does not have the full spectrum of qualities, I believe you are more likely dealing with a pretender or an abuser masked as a master. Being strict is a part of the program. However, if one is so strict that there is no leeway or flexibility, that is abusive. A good master can be firm and harsh when needed while also being considerate and caring.. They are not mutually exclusive.
Most of my regular readers know that I feel the title of the dominant is mostly determined by the place the submissive occupies. Once one is able to master fully, it matters not where the submissive falls on the spectrum. He is able to fulfill her. In other words, he is versatile enough to adapt to her needs. What do I mean by this? A master can own a sub. In this instance, he most likely, in common terminology, would be called a dom. Of course, this does not make him any less of a dominant than when he was called a master. His abilities did not change, only the state of the submissive. In fact, depending upon the situation, he might be a master to one and dom to another. The same is true for being a sadist. If he is with one who is a masochist, then that is a part of their interaction. Naturally, if she is not into that, then, while the ability and quality remains in him, it is not a part of their relationship.
Here I am going to insert one of my typical caveats. On the subject of sadism, I do not believe that it belongs in any relationship where the submissive is not a masochist. In other words, a submissive who is not into this form of play should not have to endure impact play. Nor should she be beaten to satisfy his urges. In my mind, this is the definition of abuse. Sadism should be the deriving of pleasure by imparting pain on another who ENJOYS that. If one does not like it, then it becomes abuse. (Pain as a form of punishment is acceptable as long as the criteria are clear and the pain imparted matches the offense).
Getting back to the topic at hand, my point is that whatever term is applied, they all can be fulfilled by the same person. As I said, once an individual learned the art of domination and control while engaging in the internal search to uncover what is truly within him, then he is able to fulfill most anyone who comes under his control. Therefore, if one is looking for a dominant as opposed to a daddy, then he can fulfill the little girl in her. Too many believe that a master is only sadistic and harsh. But, as I mentioned, with the spectrum of qualities, a good master is also nurturing and caring. Only the idiots believe that it is an all or nothing affair (and put on their tough bravado).
An interesting aside to the idea of a master/daddy dom, I once knew a couple that lived M/s for many years. They were together for a couple decades. What is interesting is that the master once told me, that as time went by, their relationship morphed into more of a daddy/babygirl as opposed to master/slave type situation. The same two individuals involved in the relationship containing the same abilities yet the relationship altered in terms of the interaction changing the definition.
The bottom line is that the dominant needs to be able to implement what is needed into the relationship to fulfill the submissive. Those with the idea of looking for one "title" in particular are eliminating many who are exactly what they need. Of course, with the online world made up of mostly pretenders, this is a safe practice. Nevertheless, when dealing with someone real, it is best to remember that even if he is a sadist, he is not only that. A master is a holistic person able to operate in a wide range of situations with a variety of personalities. For whatever reason, it seems the term master is equated with harshness, violent, and intolerant. Are there those out there who call themselves masters who fit this description? Absolutely. However, I would not call them master but abusers. Again, a true master is able to operate along the full spectrum.
Food for thought.
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2 hours ago