September 16, 2014

The Importance of Standards

I am going to be blunt here.  Most of the people you encounter online (and even in person), basically are not worth your time.  This is a simple conclusion I drew from years of experience interacting with the pretenders, wannabes, and, even, those who seemed genuine but were not.

One of the thing that I noticed is the most respected people in the lifestyle have high standards.  What is interesting is this applies both for themselves and others.  I bring this up simply to point out that the tendency within the lifestyle is to settle.  I see so many who are willing to submit to a tree and then are upset when things do not work out.  Let me share with you candidly that making a decision based upon desperation will not work.

It is crucial that you establish standards of conduct for yourself and any potential one(s) that you are interacting with.  Too many people believe that acting contrary to this is acceptable.  In my book it is not.  If one is not worthy of proper conduct, he or she is not worth the time and effort.  And be mindful, people like this often come with a nice smile and clean clothing.  Yet, ultimately, you find out later they are scumbags because of their behavior.

I read a profile one time that said "if he is quick to leave, he never was going to stay anyway".  This really struck me deep and made me ponder it for a while.  How many in our society, in general, are ready to jump out of something without much thought.  Even marriage, which is the atypical symbol of a lifelong commitment, is left without regard.  Few people consider the commitment level when making it, hence have no problem exiting as soon as things get a bit difficult.

We do not have to tolerate unacceptable behavior no matter what side of the domination/submission coin one falls upon.  If someone lacks the "morals" that you seek, rid yourself of that person.  I see many who do not accept rude and degrading emails from "doms" and will not tolerate that behavior.  To those who operate like this, I applaud you.  There is no reason for you to accept anything but what is your highest standard from anyone.

However, this all comes with a caveat.  If you are going to establish high standards for others you interact with, then you best do it for yourself.  This is not a "do as I say" deal.  Here is a point that really needs to be driven home to the dominants.  Too often I see a profile that states "I want a slave who is fit and who cares for her body" yet he is 325 pounds.  Give me a break.  If you believe physical fitness is important, get off the couch and do something yourself.  At the same time, if timeliness is something you expect from others, then showing up late yourself is unacceptable.  My point is whatever you set down for others needs to apply to yourself.

Tony Robbins makes a statement that I like.  He says "if you want to improve your life, increase your standards".  This is very true.  There is something about the correlation between expectations and what we ultimately see manifested in our lives.  Therefore, when delving into the wonderful world of BDSM, be sure to establish a level that is up to what you desire.  Do not tolerate that which you find unacceptable.  Be willing to move on, no matter how hard it might be in the moment, from those who continually fall on the wrong side of this equation.  If someone is continually letting you down and acting in ways that cause you pain, then you need to do something about it.  Ultimately, people, even slaves, are very slow to alter their behavior.  Those with good constitution tend to exhibit that in their actions.  Sadly, the opposite is also true. 

We know that nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.  Therefore, be careful not to box yourself in by looking for the "perfect" master or slave.  I am here to tell you that person does not exist.  However, that being said, it is crucial that we do not go to the other end of the spectrum and simply accept anyone who comes along.  There is a fine line that we must navigate yet it is important to get this correct.  Over the years, I can tell you that I met some really "wonderful" people who ended up doing some not so wonderful things.  I know I am not alone in this boat.  It happens everyday and, sadly, there are always signs there.  When someone repeatedly does something, it is safe to conclude this person will continue it.  If it is unacceptable to you and continues even after mentioning it, then move on unless you are ready to endure a great deal of pain.  Quite simply, many cannot stop their substandard behavior no matter how many times they are told about it.

In closing, understand that you are worth more.  There is no reason to tolerate actions from others that you deem unacceptable.  Raise your standards and only interact with those who meet them.  Failure to do this will leave you unfulfilled long term.  I cannot tell you how many I witnessed over the years repeat the same behavior over and over.  They simply allowed desperation to over take them.  Do not fall victim to this.  There was a line in a movie I watched years ago which said "I would rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones".  Consider this idea and see how it applies to your life.  Are you presently in a situation that does not fulfill you?  Or are you considering getting involved with someone yet see some signs there?  If you answer yes to either of these questions, perhaps it is best to take a deeper look within yourself to see what is there.  The signs might be very telling if you are willing to listen.


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