December 21, 2013

No Matter What

The last couple of posts dealt with commitment and being fully committed to the lifestyle (they can be found here and here).  Basically, I discussed the difference between someone who is approaching the lifestyle like one would buying a car versus the person who is truly committed to living a BDSM life.  Without going into all the details, the overall premise is that one will only be able to experience success in this lifestyle when one fully commits to it.  This is a fact throughout all of life and BDSM is no different.

Starts With Making A Decision

Everything in life starts by making a decision.  This is a fundamental fact that many miss.  It is one of the reasons why most of society is chasing their tail when it comes to personal progress.  We notice this in analyzing the traditional model which was handed down via the overriding dogma.  Few take the time to consider the merits or drawbacks.  Instead, they blindly obey for fear of being an outcast.  In the Western cultures, we see a heterosexual monogamous ideal is the model portrayed.  If one only follows this course, then true happiness is derived.  Naturally, with the divorce rate in the U.S. approaching 60% by some estimates, one is led to question the validity of this concept.

The problem, as I see it, is that most people do not actively or conscious choose what they believe.  As mentioned, they blindly obey trusting that it will result in the desired outcome.  Unfortunately, this often is not the case.  In fact, almost all of us in BDSM found ourselves at this point of questioning.  Since we followed their dogma yet were woefully unfulfilled, we sought out a different course of action.  The benefit to this approach is that we consciously chose to pursue this alternative lifestyle.

It is not common for one to find BDSM "on accident".  At the same time, few are raised with this way of life (although that might be changing).  Instead, we travel the path of "normalcy" before arriving at the point of disgust and heartbreak before seeking out other options.  BDSM is natural choice for us.  And this is where all opportunities are sprung.  Hence, my suggestion is to make a decision to embrace BDSM as the way of life for you.  I understand that you might not know exactly where you fit in.  That is quite alright.  The BDSM world is wide and varied.  The central tenet is that if you found yourself drawn to it and like what you see, there is something within you that is suited for this lifestyle.  It is up to you to determine what that is.

No Matter What

This brings me to the next point that I want to make.  Many make the decision to enter into this lifestyle, to embrace it, only to reverse that decision when things get difficult.  For me to tell you that there will not be pitfalls on your journey would be misleading.  BDSM is not the pollyanna ideal that many online make it.  Sure, it makes for great romance novels but does not mirror reality whatsoever.  We, in the BDSM world, have the same issues that the rest of the world does.  At the center of our lifestyle is the BDSM relationship which, by its definition, means involving another person.  When this occurs, problems arise.  It is that simple.

At the same time, we all know the struggles one goes through in the search for the right person.  The online realm is a wonderful medium to gain exposure to people from all over the world.  Consider the fact that 20 years ago people were obligated only to interact with those in his or her local area.  Munches were about the only way to meet people.  The idea of encountering a sub or slave from a distant state or country was impossible.  However, this led to the create of the online games that many of the pretenders play.  These days, it is impossible to "screen" someone to know they are valid.  In years past, one needed to be recommended before going to a munch.   One was safe in the knowledge that all people were what they proclaimed to be.  Masters and slaves alike were what they proclaimed.  Online, today, that is not the case.  One simply reads a few blogs, some BDSM romance novel, and, presto, instant BDSM expert.  We see this all the time.  It makes the search proportionately more difficult.

So what does one do?  Ultimately there are only two choices.  One can throw in the proverbial towel or persist in the endeavor.  Which direction to take is obviously up to the individual.  However, I can assure you that no BDSM success is found in quitting.  In fact, in life, success is often found after some perceived point of failure was reached.  Certainly for many, the choice to pursue a different course of action is merited in many instances.  Nevertheless, to give up because of a few difficulties is senseless.  Remember, we all encounter the same challenges, especially online.

I found the only solution is to make a true decision to achieve success in BDSM.  What this means is the one commits to cutting off any other possibility other than success in his or her mind.  In other words, you tell yourself that you are going to enjoy what you want in this lifestyle NO MATTER WHAT.  Please reread that last sentence again.  Notice the power behind the words.  The believe that you are going to succeed NO MATTER WHAT is a formula for true success.  It is the key to persistence meaning that you are not going to turn back regardless of the obstacles you encounter.  With this outlook, you resolve will increase the more the pretenders throw in your way.  It is a mindset of 1000% commitment to attaining the ideal you desire.  Nothing is going to stand in your way.  It is the source of true power.

Now, please compare this mindset with that of the tire kicker and determine which is most helpful in your approach to BDSM.  I believe you will see a world of difference between the two.


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