December 29, 2013

Back To Basics: Crucial For BDSM Success


A basic fact of life is we get better at something the more we study or practice it.  This is true in athletics, with musical instruments, or any course of study that we pursue.  No matter what the field of endeavor, as we progress along acquiring knowledge, our skills advance.  However, this fundamental fact also carries with it a negative side.  At times, while on this journey, in our thirst for more, knowledge as an example, we might overlook what we already know.

Basic Building Blocks For Mastery

Martial arts is something that many people pursue.  Obviously, we all have seen the movies where individuals are doing incredible things in a fight scene.  Bruce Lee was a master at his craft and, to this day, his movies are classics for those who like this genre.  It was  not uncommon to see him take on 10 or 15 people and destroy them using his advanced skills.  Naturally, the movies are not reality but the point is that the common person is in awe of this ability.

What is interesting about this craft is that those who achieve Black Belt status, do so by mastering a handful of basic moves.  They do not keep learning more.  Instead, their entire success rests upon the repeated practice and "perfection" of these simple moves.  This is what the advanced degrees in martial arts is all about.  Compare that with the general idea about a particular subject where people are always looking for more or newer ways to excel.

To give you another example, the field of sales is a place where companies and individuals are always trying out new ideas.  Every business needs sales to succeed.  Trained salespeople will spend a great deal of time working on their craft.  Again, like martial arts, we find the sales process is broken down to a few basic building blocks.  A trained salesperson excels at prospecting, qualifying, presenting, closing, and follow up.  These are all the steps, the basic building blocks, of sales success.  If you look at an entity that is struggling with their sales, it is usually in one of these areas.

BDSM Basics

BDSM follows much the same pattern.  We see many "advanced" things online pertaining to our way of life that are of extreme interest to us.  For example, travel around the web and you are certain to come upon fireplay.  Or perhaps, you will encounter a site that talks about cupping.  And let us not forget the wonderful artistic work of rope play.  There are many avenues one could pursue which will provide "advanced degrees" of BDSM play.  Having skills in these areas certainly is intriguing and will set an individual apart.

However, none of this guarantees BDSM success  within a relationship.  In fact, from the people I met over the years who excel at these things, a simple observation is that their home lives are usually in the toilet.  In other words, they are not real successful at translating their excellent skills into the daily routine of a relationship.  Naturally, you will wonder why this is?  My conclusion is these people are more about the "craft" and "wowing" people with their skills that they totally overlook the basics which are required for BDSM success.  This is like the highly intelligent nuclear engineer who forgets to put his socks on. 

BDSM is about discipline.  Those who enjoy success in this way of life, both dominant and submissive, are able to tap into the discipline required to make it through each day.  Now I know that last sentence sounds like a downer; "making it through each day".  Nevertheless, we all know that in relationships, as in life, not everyday is going to be totally orgasmic.  There are times when all we can do is just get through the day without ripping someone's head off.  This is a common trait both in and out of BDSM.  Some days just simple suck raw eggs.

Continually focusing upon the basics of BDSM will help one to continually be in touch with that power which comes from this way of life.  Many of us found a great release when we entered this world.  Compared to the vanilla world, BDSM offered structured, control, and direction.  Of course, it is easy for these things to get lost when traveling through life with all its pitfalls.  That is why those who succeed in their BDSM relationships tend to continually apply efforts in these areas.

Return To The Basics

I once heard it said the best way not to have to return to the basics is to never leave.  Sadly, we all know how easy it is for people to drift from this and forget about what leads to success.  Since we are nearing the end of the year, there are salespeople all over the world who are being called into their manager's offices for the annual review.  They are looking at the past 12 months production in an effort to determine where this person can do better.  I can guarantee that most of these conversations, where one needs assistance, is dwelling upon one, if not a multitude of the basics areas I mentioned before.  Perhaps the salesperson needs to do a better job at prospecting.  Or he/she might need some training on closing skills.  Whatever the problem, it has a basis in one of the basic areas.

The same holds true for BDSM.  If you are finding your relationship is having difficulty, perhaps it is time to get back to the basics.  Go back to the beginning.  Look at the structure of the relationship.  Have you, as a Dominant/Master, handed over too much power to your submissive?  It is not uncommon, through familiarity, for a TPE relationship to lose that power breakdown as a slave earns more responsibility.  At times, when returning to the foundation, it is helpful for one to tighten the reins so to speak to reassert the power within the relationship. 

Remember the early stages of your interaction where permission was required for everything.  Is that still true today?  Again, it is common for people to "slip" in this area.  We see where familiarity upsets things.  Over time, as a Master and slave get to know each other, they fall into a routine where things are done without nary a thought.  It might be best to return to the early days where permission to use the bathroom was required.  Instead of entering into all kinds of advanced play, perhaps your session could be better served with some simple bondage to a chair for an extended period while you watch a football game.  A reassertion of the dominance will do wonders for your relationship.

On the submissive side, do you enter into activities with the idea of service in mind?  Remember the early days where you were excited to do even the most basic of tasks for your dominant?  Is that still the case today?  If you are like most, the answer is no.  Now these chores are begrudgingly done.  Again, I am not attacking anyone who finds herself in this situation since it is totally natural.  How long can one make doing the laundry exciting?  My point is that if we focus upon what is important, service in this instance, we are more likely to receive benefit in our relationship.

So examine what you do each day.  If you are involved with someone else, look at the things you both are doing.  Perhaps re-evaluate the rules that are in place.  Look at what boundaries are set up or, more importantly, were set up which were erased.  You might want to think about re-inserting some of the conditions that were in place when you first got together.  If you are not involved, are you doing the things that enables you to offer more to someone down the road.  Are you taking care of your body by eating properly and exercising?  Do you spend time each day reading about BDSM and the different techniques that exist out there?  Are you maintaining discipline and control over yourself to ensure you have these qualities when you do meet someone?  Can you adapt and change to the variances that life presents or is it a continual battle before you unwillingly accept the inevitable since flexibility and the ability to adapt are essential to relationship success?  All these areas should be focused upon regularly. 

Getting back to basics is a model for success in all areas of life.  Apply it and watch how things change for you.

DN  

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.  

Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

thomas-kreutzer@gmx.de

Blogger on August 8, 2017 at 5:50 PM said...

If you want your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (even if they're dating somebody else now) you have to watch this video
right away...

(VIDEO) Why your ex will NEVER come back...

 

A Master’s Viewpoint Of The BDSM World Blak Magik is Designed by productive dreams for smashing magazine Bloggerized by Blogger Template © 2009