July 6, 2013

Extreme Lifestyle

BDSM is a wide and varied genre.  It is a way of life that is all encompassing.  There are people who are more moderate with their views while others have desires that go further out on the spectrum.  I always maintained that all are welcome in BDSM.  The main focus ought to be on what makes one happy.  Everything else is secondary.

The Extreme

Today I am going to focus upon the extreme.  The reason I am doing this is because there is an interesting dichotomy that takes place.  We are all aware that BDSM is mostly portrayed as a lifestyle of extreme.  The porn industry, in particular, took extensive steps to present this view as a means of enticing people into purchasing their products.  We also come across erotic literature which delves into the subject of slavery, auctions, and TPE.  While most identify these as fiction (dreams), there is a certain truth to it.

I am a believer people are free to choose a life they desire.  BDSM is an open-ended equation which means that an individual may opt for whatever interests him or her.  Society has a methodology of instilling rules and protocols upon the masses.  BDSM, on the other hand, is about freedom.  Part of this freedom is exercising one's right to fulfill his or her desires as long as it does not infringe upon another. 

Therefore, if one is necessitating a more extreme structure in life, there is no reason why this should not be sought.  Of course, the dogma of most of our cultures depicts a different image.  Nevertheless, there is nothing wrong with one seeking out fulfillment in whatever manner is necessary.

The Quandary

Pursuing this path results in a quandary for many.  The simple fact of the matter is we all, no matter how much we resist, are products of our environment.  Society is very effective of instilling within us beliefs which dictate our behavior.  While never overtly stating it, there are certain things which are considered "normal" whereas everything that falls outside of that is labelled abnormal, weird, etc...

The problem arises when one starts to pursue the path of extremity.  While one is looking to fulfill a need within oneself, somewhere on the journey, the inner voice starts to talk to this individual.  This "voice" is nothing more than the cultural conditioning which was ingrained by those who were around us.  Suddenly, even though our new BDSM practitioner is excited about the prospects of finally living how he or she wishes, an inner struggle results.  Instead of chasing this way of life with complete vigor, one starts to hesitate while questioning the decisions.

I am here to tell you this is completely normal behavior.  Most people are unaware of the conditioning that took place.  In addition, even when one is mindful that it exists, the power is still overwhelming.  It takes a great deal to break decades of indoctrination.  The process started when we were infants and continues to present day.  It is everywhere.  Hence, many find themselves fighting what is considered "normal" with the inner desire for fulfillment.


They say a problem that is properly defined is half solved.  This is something I found to be true and,  in this instance, awareness is a major part of the challenge.  When considering any aspect of the BDSM world, especially the more extreme aspects, be mindful that you will encounter an inner struggle.  Also, utilize the knowledge that what is actually taking place is a collision of beliefs.  Society tells us what is normal and deviating from that, we are told, carries a great deal of risks.  This is something to be mindful of.

Being ostracized is not something anyone openly seeks.  Nevertheless, it is a factual part of the decision-making process.  There are times in life when people do not like our decisions.  This is inescapable.  Each time we elect to pursue something that makes us happy, especially if it is outside the bounds of what is deemed "normal", we risk alienating some people.  Sadly, these people are usually the ones who care about us the most.  These individuals are well meaning and want what is best for us as long as it conforms to what they feel is appropriate.

These are factors that you must be attentive to.  This is one of the main reasons why I tell new people to keep their choices to themselves.  So many want to announce to everyone that he or she is a slave (for example).  This is the wrong move.  Most will not understand unless they grew up in a BDSM environment.  Since that is very few of us, I am going to say that one is putting him or herself at extreme risk when taking this approach.  Less is more as they say.

The other factor that enters into this picture is for you to be aware that, no matter what you desire, there are others who are living in that manner.  Every slot on the BDSM spectrum contains people who are presently engaged in that behavior.  All fetishes are covered and available if you will seek them out.  While many will label you weird, sick, or perverted, the truth is there are individuals for whom that (whatever that is) is normal.  It is a part of their everyday existence.  While some find it extreme, to them, it is just a part of their Wednesday.

So in closing, today, be prepared for some conflict when starting your BDSM journey.  A great deal of the battle with happen within you.  At some point, you will need to resolve the separation between what you want and the dogma you were raised with.  Again, unless you were exposed to the BDSM environment growing up, this separation exists and will need to be bridged.  And, the further you go out on the spectrum, i.e. the more extreme, the wider this gap gets.  It can be resolved, it just takes effort on your part.


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