July 11, 2013

Limits: Everyone Has Them

Nothing is more frustrating than to see the meatheads online who write things such as "I am a no limit slave" or "I do not believe in limits".  Statements such as these show a complete ignorance of what this lifestyle is about and what actually takes place in reality.  While it is easy to proclaim no limits online, in the real world, limits exist in many different ways.  This is something that has to be taken into consideration in every BDSM relationship.

Physical Parameters

The first area that always requires consideration is in the physical arena.  When one is indulging online, he or she is existing in a virtual reality.  It is a realm where the laws of physics do not exist.  Time and space do not matter.  It is a world that is intent to mimic reality but not replace it.  Here is where many run into trouble.

Real time BDSM does not afford us the opportunity to escape the laws of the world.  In this area, we see the laws of physics apply to everything we do.  Therefore, when interacting in a BDSM relationship, we quickly learn that there are physical parameters that everyone encounters.  In other words, there is a limit to what one can physically do.  Whereas online this is not an issue, it certainly is in real time.

Harkening back to our "I am a no limit slave", we see how reality slaps in the face of this idea.  Everyone has a limit to what he or she can physically do.  This is something that is not considered when our online princess writes these words.  For many, dunking a basketball is impossible.  So is going without sleep for 168 straight hours.  Without the proper tools and knowledge, things such as tuning up the car or replacing the electrical in the house is also out of one's reach.

Of course the main area we see the difference is when talking about pain.  Our no limit slave is that way only online.  The truth is that each person has a point where he or she cannot take any more.  To ignore this fact is not only senseless but quite dangerous.


The most important aspect of BDSM is safety.  This is something that needs to be paramount at all times especially in the mind of the dominant.  Too many overlook this fact while pursuing their desires.  BDSM offers a wonderful path for many.  However, it is one that, if not careful, can be wrought with a great deal of danger.

Obviously, it is easy to see how our no limit slave can be put in a position of great harm.  This is compounded if she gets with someone who is equally as ignorant about safety as she is.  There is a saying that "just because someone can do something, that doesnt mean he should".  I find this very applicable to the BDSM world.  Simply because I can impart more pain upon an individual, that does not mean that I should.  I need to continually monitor and be mindful of what is safe for this individual on that given day.

Believing that anything is acceptable leads one to engaging in behaviors that will ultimately result in an unsafe outcome.  This is why I detest the message that there is such a thing as no limits.  Limits exist for a variety of reasons.  One of the main ones is safety.  Roads have speed limits because speed in excess of that are deemed, overall, to be less safe.  Regulations, i.e limits upon behavior, are imposed so as to ensure safety for the greatest number of people.  This is the difference between civilized behavior and anarchy.  States of anarchy are unsafe because there are no limits to what behavior is undertaken.


The final area that I am going to cover today with regards to limits is in the realm of the mental.  When discussing limits, it is easy to understand how unsafe certain behaviors can be.  Obviously, beating a slave with a 2 x 4 is an unsafe action where the danger is visible.  One can cause great harm such as broken bones and internal bleeding by engaging in that course of action.

However, the mental arena is one that is far less visible yet can be even more dangerous.  One of the most important responsibilities of a dominant is to ensure that his (her) actions do not impart mental or psychological damage.  This can be a tricky course to follow since there are many things that even the submissive might be unaware of.

The truth is that many suffered abuse while growing up.  We encounter those who endured tremendous sexual, physical, and psychological abuse at the hands of family members, teachers, or other adults who were around.  Many of these instances are still carried within the individual.  Sadly, few receive the treatment needed to overcome what occurred.  Instead, most stuff it down only to see it resurface at a later time.

This area is extremely dangerous because we are dealing with things that go way back.  Certain activities need to be avoided if they bring up emotional or psychological responses.  I use the example of one I knew who was abused when younger by her dad and his friends.  They would blindfold and pass her around.  This experience was something she never dealt with and, decades later, she still was unable to be blindfolded without freaking out.  In other words, the psychological damage from this episode was so great that there was a limit to some of the activities she could engage in.

So remember, everyone has limits.  Accepting this as a fact is something that we all need to do.  Safety is of the utmost of importance.  To ignore this idea is dangerous.  Our lifestyle is built upon sane reasoning and believing that one can be "no limit" is foolish.  Do not entertain this idea at any level.


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