July 20, 2013

Being Isolated

As I travel around the web, I find many things that are of concern to me within the BDSM community.  Some of this, naturally, can be attributed to a simple disagreeing of what is taking place.  However, there are some things that garner my attention because of the risk involved.  The fact that I see isolation occurring is one of those subjects.

Control Versus Fear

A BDSM relationship is built upon the transfer of power.  In each situation, whether M/s or D/s, there is one who has more power than the other.  This is the nature of this lifestyle we choose.  One is designed to be in control while the other cedes it over.  This is how we operate naturally within this realm.

For the dominant, control is of utmost importance.  In my view, the starting point is where one learns to control himself (or herself).  I find it impossible to effectively control another person when one lacks the internal strength to control oneself.  Next, taking responsibility for another means that he (she) is able to have total control over each situation.  This ability comes after an extended period of internal search.  Life does not always proceed as planned.  A dominant needs to be flexible, confident, and creative to handle whatever situation should arise.  The submissive is depending upon this trait to exist within the dominant.  If there is a void in this area, the relationship is certainly going to fall apart.

The sad truth is that many online who present themselves as dominant are far from it.  For the most part, many of them are seeking someone who will listen to their every word.  The problem with these people is that they really do not embrace the responsibility that comes along with being in control.  As they say, with power comes responsibility.  

Another interesting fact that arises under these circumstances is that one is continually afraid of being "found out".  This instills a great deal of fear in this dominant.  Instead of operating from a place of strength and confidence, he (she) is exhibiting weakness.  Fear exists in everyone.  However, the strong are able to ignore it and act in spite of it.  The weak succumb to it while behaving like a "thief in the night"; always afraid of the lights being turned on.


Isolation is a tactic that many of these types of "dominants" use to maintain control.  Under this premise, the dominant will cut of all interaction by the submissive with other lifestyle people.  Whenever you hear this occurring, a huge warning flag should go up.  Again, knowing that it is a common practice used by the pretenders, it is a fairly safe assumption to reach when you see this taking place.

A true dominant is not threatened by the truth.  As I stated in the beginning, much of my issues with some of what is written is a basic disagreement from a personal perspective.  I am not going to agree with the approach of every dominant.  That is one of the aspect that makes BDSM so wonderful; there is no cookie cutter plan.  People are free to create their relationship however they see fit.

The main issue I have with one who isolates another is the fact it gives this individual unfettered control.  While this might seem to contradict what BDSM is all about, I find that it is in perfect accordance with the lifestyle.  Within the community, we do not operate underground.  Those who are advanced in this way of life are open, at least with those whom they trust.  Their actions are not hidden and the control not manufactured.  When viewed from the outside, it is evident what is taking place.  More information is always welcomed by both parties.  A true dominant understands he (she) does not know all there is.  Our skills, experience, and education are ever ongoing.

Contrast this with the "dominant" who isolates.  His (her) goal is not the expansion of information or knowledge.  Instead, he or she seeks to hinder the process.  The ultimate goal is that the submissive only learn what he (she) imparts.  This is extremely dangerous especially for a submissive who is new to the lifestyle.  There is a great deal of risk involved in not knowing the merits of a particular individual.  Anyone can claim to be dominant yet that does not make it so.  One needs to be mindful of this when getting involved.

So, whenever I read a post such as "Master doesn't allow me to interact with others", my first thought is "what is he hiding".  Certainly, I understand the idea of controlling with whom a sub/slave interacts.  However, in many of these instances, the submissive is cut off from anyone with knowledge about the lifestyle . This is something to be mindful of.  A true dominant will not seek total isolation of a submissive, especially without a cause (such as punishment).  If you find yourself, or someone else, in this situation, then start to question what is going on.  I feel confident you will find devious motives.


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Anonymous said...

Thank you for this. I have been learning a lot from reading your blog.


bdsm on July 31, 2013 at 12:13 AM said...

I think a man shouls control a woman, not by contraries..

MERLIN on August 1, 2013 at 9:02 PM said...

I sadly see isolation allot in the online aspects of our lifestyle. Many predators use it to prevent the eyes of the naive from seeing that they are being abused and exploited. Education is power and they fear the empowered submissive/slave. They also use the isolation to strip the sub/slave of their identity to mold them into what they want and have no interest in providing a safe environment for them to grow and become more. Please remember your submission and obedience is not a license to take away who you are nor to take away your right to grow and learn. You have rights even when owned. Cherish your self and self preserve.

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