March 20, 2013

The Unfolding

For years, I have stated that BDSM is nothing more than a journey within uncovering what is deep within us naturally.  The people who are part of the "lifestyle" are those who spent the time looking at themselves and what it is they desire.  Certainly, there are some who found this way of life by accident (perhaps running across a website or book).  However, if these maintained BDSM as an active part of their lives, they journeyed deep to learn exactly what was desired.

Natural Tendencies

We are all granted natural tendencies.  This is something that we cannot deny.  For whatever reason, some are more prone to be dominant while others, submissive.  The fact that these characteristics reside within most individuals beyond dispute.  What is in question is what someone does with these tendencies.

Society has a way of conditioning people to what it believes is "normal".  Sadly, we find these natural tendencies are stamped out of most of western cultures.  It is ironic that what is present within us is deemed abnormal, thus requiring removal.

It is very obvious that domination, especially by men over women, is hated by society.  The last 40 years has seen the movement towards equality.  Now, I am not going to debate the merits of the Equal Rights Movement.  The point I am making is that it is frowned upon for men to "act like men".  At the same time, this same mindset has created a situation for submissive women who desire a man to control them.  This is viewed as weak.  The mantra is that "you do not need a man".  Again, I am not writing this to open up debate as much point out the fact that the genders lost their natural inclinations for interaction.

Therefore, men became metrosexualized while women fiercely independent suppressing the desire to serve (I realize that reverse gender also occurs but I write from the male dom/female sub perspective).  This overall situation creates a problem for both parties.

Women often find themselves in relationships with men desiring more.  What do they want?  They crave domination.  That is what resides at their core.  Sadly, they are dealing with men who are either not interested in that or incapable of it.  The later, as I will note, is a consequence of society.  This leaves our women in a position of trying to uphold the standard of equality and worthiness (society's definition, not theirs), something deep down that is not desired.

Now, turning to the men.  Their ability to dominate in many instances was squashed.  Again, societal conditioning is a powerful mechanism.  Men are suppose to be gentlemen at all times is the overriding message.  Television often portrays the male figure as weak and indecisive.  He is the butt of jokes (i.e. the character of Al Bundy).  Each of these situations impacts the overall view of society. 

Obviously, I am not going to proclaim that men have a right to act like total a**holes, especially towards women.  There is no reason why a man should not be a gentleman.  This is not a sign of weakness or lack of domination.  However, there are times when he needs to take charge and lead.  A submissive woman will follow; in fact it is what she craves.  Society might say that a dominant man is "pig", but the truth is that this endangered species is sorely needed. 

BDSM reintroduces these animals back into our lives.  People of dominant makeup are allowed to be that way while those who are submissive are supported and held in esteem.  BDSM is one of the last frontiers where civility and natural tendencies are allowed to co-exist.

Stepping Beyond

This brings us to our next topic which is the fact that natural tendencies are only the starting point.  Part of each of our journeys is to learn about ourselves and the how we are to interact with people.  As I wrote repeatedly, the Internet opened the door for many to enter into BDSM.  The problem with this is that many have ill motives or simply do not want to exert the effort to learn what is means to live this way of life.

Being natural dominant or submissive is not enough.  Using the dominant side of things as an example, I will say that natural dominance without knowledge only leads to domineering.  We see this with the many "alpha males".  They have dominant tendencies but have no clue how to truly dominate someone.  In short, they are nothing more than bullies which is a fear based motive.  A true dominant does not come from a place of fear.  He is not weak in that regard.  His domination is a result of a natural tendency coupled with years of study and experience.  It is this difference which separated him from the masses and attracts the interest of truly submissive people.

Obviously, none of this happens overnight.  Both domination and submission is a process.  Those who live this way of life started at the same point as everyone else: with a natural tendency and no idea how to act upon that.  However, over time, the path unfolds in a clear way.  Reading and reflection really help to open the doors to what is contained within us.  Using people such as myself, through my writings, can help to "mentor" someone along the way as we share our experiences (both good and bad).  Being an active learner also means that mistakes are used to their fullest advantage.  Like is said, the price is already paid, you might as well learn the lesson.  Our own experience, over time, helps to navigate the path we are taken. 

Entering BDSM is just a beginning.  If one is committed to making this a lifelong study, you will soon realize that there is so much which awaits you.  Life can truly achieve a state which exceeds your wildest dreams.  There are no words to describe the feeling that comes from living in accordance to what is truly within your core.  It is beyond description.  Anyone who experienced this knows exactly what I am referring to.  The connection one has, not so much with another, but with oneself and his or her nature is powerful.  And it is from this point that one can create a deep connection with another.  Nevertheless, this only occurs after one truly understands what is at that core.  It is worthwhile to remember that society is trying to prevent one from realizing what is there.  Part of our task as members of the BDSM community is to ignore what society considers normal and go with what our core tells us.  We are much better served.

So, in closing, forget what society says.  Embark upon your BDSM journey and watch what unfolds.  You will truly be amazed.


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Desireous on March 20, 2013 at 11:57 AM said...

Amen! I truly enjoy reading your posts. You are a very wise Dom.

Fallen Angel on March 20, 2013 at 12:43 PM said...

"Women often find themselves in relationships with men desiring more. What do they want? They crave domination. That is what resides at their core. Sadly, they are dealing with men who are either not interested in that or incapable of it."

This particular part really hit home with me, as bittersweet as it is.

As always I enjoy reading your blog, thank you!

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