January 26, 2013


BDSM is an Adult Lifestyle.  Since this is the case, how come so many act like children?  Why is it that adults are so hard to find?  Perhaps it is because people seem to think that BDSM is some magical shortcut to life happiness without enduring the pains of the everyday world.  Of course, nothing is farther from the truth.

Responsibility For Oneself

Most of you know I am a big believer in personal responsibility.  As it pertains to BDSM, I am convinced that this journey starts within and moves out from there.  It is up to each person to decide what he or she wants from this way of life.  While there are many who seek only to add a bit of kink to their present relationship, still others desire a total power exchange scenario with high protocol  Whatever the intention, it is imperative that one determine for him or herself what will lead to happiness.  This is not something that can come from outside oneself but only after proper personal analysis.  Ultimately, it is you who is responsible for your own happiness.

In addition to happiness, safety is another area that you are responsible for, especially submissive types.  I encounter so many who do foolish things simply because they read somewhere online that it is the dominant's responsibility to protect and take care of the submissive.  This is a correct concept.  However, the problem arises in the situation where the dominant does not fulfill that responsibility.  In that instance, who is ensuring the safety of the submissive?  The answer is nobody.  Therefore, a submissive needs to take responsibility for his/her own safety even though that obligation falls to the dominant.  This practice should continue until he or she has proven the ability to handle that responsibility.

Entering into adulthood means bearing adult responsibilities.  The same holds true when entering into an adult lifestyle.  Freedom from responsibility is restricted for one time period: early childhood.  The reason is because we are not at the point to be able to handle it.  However, parents soon start to place more on children as they get older.  It is part of the maturation process.  Please do not believe that upon entering the BDSM world, that you suddenly find the foundation of youth and are reverted back to being a toddler.  Responsibility is still part of the daily ritual.


With responsibility comes strength.  As one takes more on, power builds.  This is true for both the dominant and submissive.  Here again, we have an idea that is counter intuitive to what most people think about BDSM.  What do you mean a submissive's power grows?  A submissive, especially if she is a slave, desires no power.  This is where we see one of the fallacies about BDSM.  A slave, using as an example, should have great power.  In this scenario, it is ceded to her by the master.  It is not something she comes by without permission.  Nevertheless, if one is a valuable slave, he or she can be granted great responsibility.  Those who believe slaves are weak and cannot handle responsibility are still stuck in the childish stage.

At the same time, dominants need to understand that with power comes responsibility.  I see so many who want the power but do not feel an obligation to be responsible.  They believe that simply reading a couple of webpages provides enough training to take over someone's life.  This is not responsible behavior.  The kiddie doms of the world are very dangerous.  Simply because one reads the owner's manual to a car, that does not mean society lets him or her drive.  It is only after exemplifying the proper skills through testing that one is granted a driver's license.  In addition, show oneself to not be able to handle that responsibility and the governing body will revoke that license.  It is the same within BDSM.

Usually those who believe a slave needs to be weak are those who are weakest themselves.  These individuals lack the strength to be able to handle someone who is of the highest standards.  Instead, they prey upon those who are new (read not strong) in an effort to appease the insecurity that is within them.  Again, this is not responsible behavior since the dominant has no intention of bettering the submissive.  He or she is not capable of managing the other person's life.  Ultimately, things go awry because of this fact.

It is the responsibility of each of us to make ourselves as strong as we can.  This is a universal statement which applies equally to dominants as well as submissives.  Do not believe the rhetoric that states anyone should be weak.  Even the lowest of the low, the total sewer dwellers within this way of life, have great strength.  Trust me when I tell you, the lower the act, the more strength and esteem required to operate in a healthy manner.  Yet few recognize this idea.  Instead, they believe that only weak people behave in this manner.  Regardless, wherever on places him or herself on the BDSM scale, it is up to each one of us to better ourselves in every way.  BDSM is about living at a higher standard than the rest of the world.  We seek freedom to structure our lives as we see fit.  That is a wonderful power to have.  However, we need to ensure that we can handle that power through responsible behavior.  Personal development in every area is what leads to that end.  Without it, bad things can happen.

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