April 16, 2011

Living The Life You Want

BDSM is about freedom. I write this statement often which usually will get a snicker out of people. How can a life choice that includes bondage, slavery, and Masters have anything to do with freedom? Simple. If you use the title of this post as your definition of freedom, you can see how those who are involved in BDSM are free.

Ignorantly Imprisoned

The average person is a prisoner. I do not care what statistic or study you refer to, it is a simple fact that most people are unhappy. They despise their work, live in unhappy relationships, and abuse drugs and/or alcohol. We see the percentages in each of these areas increasing which means the problem is only getting worse.

I am an enemy of the traditional mindset of society. Being a lover of freedom, I detest how people's individualism is being eroded for the sake of the powerful. Today, people are taught the rule of conformity as a means to happiness and success. Of course, the studies are showing how false this is. Instead, we have an entire class (the majority) living in an imprisoned state without even knowing it. They are ignorantly imprisoned.

Few have the kahunas to make a choice that breaks from the norm. Approaching things in this manner means that one risks being ostracized by those closest to him or her. Individuality is not recognized without a judgment. Those around us are usually willing to express their disappointed opinion. Therefore, most conform.

Rejection is the Path

Living the life you want means rejecting the common notions that society presents. I like to say that dogma is dogma regardless of the source. Parents, governments, and churches all have their take on how you should live your life. Failure to do so carries with it certain 'penalties' ranging from a lack of approval to eternal damnation. In other words, you are condemned if you stray outside the norm of acceptability.

BDSM is about individual choice. We do not create a 'cookie cutter' type outlook. People are free to choose to structure their relationships however they desire. While I am a proponent of people keeping certain concepts according to definition, I do not believe anyone is required to live in a particular pattern. Individuals are free to select whatever model of relationship they want even if it is a combining of different aspects of many. This is your life, not anyone else.

Starting in the Mind

Most are in situations that was mandated by societal edict. For example, it is not uncommon for someone to be in a vanilla marriage when he or she finds this lifestyle. The search was stimulated by something within and suddenly the dominant or submissive trait was exposed. Of course, the issue arises when one desires his/her partner act in a manner that reciprocates the inner need. This is where the problem sets in. One cannot make a square peg fit into a round hole.

Whenever I encounter a situation such as this, I am sure to mention that one is most likely 'stuck' in that position for the immediate future. Thus, it is best not to try to go from vanilla to M/s in 2.2 seconds. Life does not work that way. Instead, one is wise to use the time to learn and understand what this lifestyle is all about. There are many layers to explore and being bound to a vanilla relationship allows one to safely navigate what can be dangerous waters.

BDSM starts with the mind. It is said the brain is the most powerful sex organ. This is true. No matter what one's internal mechanism, either dominant or submissive, each carries a degree of mental adjusting. The BDSM world and relationship therein are vastly different from the traditional mode. Anyone who wants to succeed in this arena needs to make that mental conversion. Time is an ally in this endeavor.

Of course, most people want to approach it in the opposite manner. Instead of using time to their advantage, they want to jump in full barrel. That is why we see so many people in relationships with the wrong type of people after being around this life for a few weeks. Impatience is one thing that will stop you from living the life you want. Do you really want to trade one nightmare for another? Seems most do since they are unwilling to follow the suggestions of others. Alas, I have given up trying to reason with people of this ilk. Their unhappiness will follow them because they cannot get out of their own way.

For the remaining cast, I will tell you that BDSM is freedom. You can live the life you want. Be willing to accept that it might take some time to get there. Along the way, there are some decisions to make which will be difficult. Many people are affected by your choices....do not believe that you live in a vacuum. Consider the effect on those around you. However, always remember that being true to yourself is of utmost importance. A life of servitude and bondage just might be your path to freedom.

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cassie on April 21, 2011 at 5:10 AM said...

Good morning,

i think i have a suitable quote:

"Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! wretched mortals, open your eyes!"

L. da Vinci


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