April 5, 2010

Where Is The Service

This is another one of those posts that seems like common sense but obviously is not since I see so much to the contrary in the online world. What gets me, is that people actually think this is reflective of what the lifestyle is all about. Sadly, they are in for a huge awakening.

Sex Sex Sex

For 90% of the online traffic, this is all there is to the BDSM lifestyle. The vast percentage of people believe that BDSM is all about engaging in all the kinky behavior that was suppressed over the years. Few ever get past this mindset to uncover what BDSM is truly about.

Certainly, there is a sexual component in all of our relationships. However, for those that last, there is a lot more to it than just horsing around (literally or figuratively). The domination aspect of the lifestyle extends to all areas of life. Sex is just one part of it.

Part of what drives this is the imagery we are presented with. The porn industry does a terrific job promoting the concept of "dungeon" sex. It is in their best interest to get people fantasizing in this manner. This is what sells their videos. However, it does not properly reflect what the true lifestyle is all about.


The story of Cinderella is a better reflection of how a slave is to live. If you remember the story, Cinderella is held captive by her older step sisters. She lives a life that is devoid of romance and happiness. Instead, her days are filled doing menial chores around the house. This is what her place is. Instead of picturing one who is hogtied, perhaps it is more accurate to envision a woman on her knees cleaning the floor. That is what being a slave is all about.

This leads to the second part of the story. Prince Charming is the one who comes to the rescue. Again, I see so many who buy into this idea. One has a terrible track record with relationships, finds the BDSM way of life online, submits to another, and life is happily ever after for all. Sadly, we know reality tends to take a different course.

Where Is The Service?

I ask this question in all sincerity. If I drew my conclusion of the lifestyle simply based upon what I see online, I would naturally decide that BDSM was nothing more than amazing sex with multiple partners doing all that I want. I have to tell you that in all my years in this way of life, I never found this to be true. Sure, I have one who will never refuse any of my advancements. However, she serves me in more ways than just sexually.

My BDSM community site contains many posts by people who are both subs and slaves. Nevertheless, reading many of them leads me to the conclusion that they do not serve their Masters in ways other than sexually. There are some who only post about their sexual exploits. To start, this is so childish. Mature adults need not go around bragging about their sexual conquests. That is so junior high. We understand that sexual activities are a part of what we are engaged in.

What is interesting is those who want to promote this idea never really write about the service aspect of the lifestyle. Where does that come in? Based upon my reading, I can only surmise it does not. They believe that submission is relegated only to the bedroom. This is the extent of where the M/s occurs.

Before going any further, I will tell you that there is nothing wrong with bedroom only submission. Many couples opt for this path with wonderful success. However, this is a far cry from 24/7 real time slavery. When one chooses this path, there are a lot of other factors to consider.

As an example, I will share some of what goes on in my house. While I am writing my post, my slave is preparing my dinner. This is after a day where she was off from work which saw her working on a variety of projects that I in motion. Her day started very early this morning and will conclude in a few hours. Her tasks also included ironing my clothes, running to the bank, making some phone calls for me, and making the beds. This is a typical day for her.

Some will feel this is a part of what most people do. Perhaps it is. However, she also works a full time job to bring in revenue to allow me to develop long term projects which will elevate my life to the level that I desire it. This is something that I choose for her and which she is obediently doing. She serves me by doing the things that I want her to do. Sexually she has no limits with me. Of course, that is pretty much a given in the BDSM world. The real test is when one is asked what else he or she does to serve.

BDSM Is Not Glamorous

Many see the lifestyle from the outside and want to romanticize it. The truth is that, overall, the BDSM way of life is just like every other lifestyle choice. It is not something that is glamorous. Life happens and we have the same challenges as everyone else. That basic difference is how we structure the power within our relationships.

That is not to say that BDSM is not a wonderful lifestyle choice. For me, it is. However, I see so many who do not have their eyes open to reality. They think that giving of oneself sexually makes them a slave. In my experience, a slave needs to concentrate on serving. While this is not the most glamorous way to live, it is the one that is fulfilling for both parties.

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cassie on April 6, 2010 at 10:58 PM said...

Dear Mr. Najee,

last night we came home after a twelve-hour drive. Master and i had both taken the wheel. Master and i were both very tired.

Once home, He settles on the couch and expects His tea. i carry and unpack His suitcase, put away the croceries and run the washing machine twice. Two hours later i kneel and ask for permission to go to bed. Yesterday He said "yes". He has said "no" other times. i have fallen asleep kneeling...

It all falls under the heading of "service". That is why we call this a "lifestyle". And i am one of the lucky ones: being slave is not just a "role".


kittenone on April 7, 2010 at 1:44 AM said...

i so agree with you cassie, this is a LIFE style and serving your Master comes in many forms, from making His tea to doing the laundry, and i know that there are times that i am so tired i just want to close my eyes and sleep but there are things to be done and so thats not possible
Being a slave is not a part time hobby, its a way of life and all too often people fail to see past the pictures they see online, they fail to realise that the sexual part is a good part but only a small part of this life.
I am glad you were given permission to go to bed, it sounds as if you needed a rest

cassie on April 7, 2010 at 12:12 PM said...

Well said kittenone. Living an owned life is not easy but can be very rewarding.

Have a nice evening, cassie

Dennis Najee on April 12, 2010 at 2:37 PM said...

Well said Cassie and kittenone. "Living" is the key part of this lifestyle. Too many feel that it is just sexual role play. He ties me up and does whatever he wants-that makes me a slave. Sorry...that is not how it works. Just because I read a science book, that does not make me a doctor. Being a slave is far more advanced than just being used sexually.

tinkerbelle said...

I am a 24/7 owned slave..... it is far deeper than just the kink/play/scene...for me its all one i cant have just a bit of it.... i am very lucky and have a strong but realistic Master....our lifestyle fits in with real life and the surprises it throws up...the bond of a true Master/slave is deeper than i ever imagined...i feel complete...loved.....and valued...kind wishes.....slave Tinkerbelle.x

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