January 25, 2009


If I said it once, I said it 1,000 times "everyone involved in BDSM is an individual and there is no one size fits all". It is astounding that people think there is a particular model that needs to be followed. If that were the case, shouldn't we apply the same standard to traditional relationships. To go one step further, please show me the handbook on marriage. There is not one. Marriages are successful when two individuals create an arrangement which works for them. BDSM is the same way.

Many choose to focus on the sexual aspect of this lifestyle first. Starting here, it is imperative to understand that not every Dom likes the same thing sexually. Some are into anal, others detest it. Some like poly, others monogamy. Some share their subs out, others do not. As you can see, the preferences vary from each person.

The same is true for subs. The easiest example is those who like pain versus those who do not. Obviously, the approach to each of these differs depending upon which type you are dealing with. Typical punishments with a pain slut will prove ineffective. The lesson on this type of individual might be lost if you decide to whip her. Instead of a punishment, she has received a reward.

We could extend this conversation to all aspects of the BDSM relationship. Every part is an interaction between two people. Just because something was effective (or enjoyable) with one in the past, does not mean that it is true for the present relationship. My suggestion is to take each one as it comes.



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