Traditional versus BDSM?

Few, if any, are shown the BDSM way of life while growing up. Instead, we are taught that the traditional model for relationships (i.e. marriage) is the path we are to follow. Most of us go down this path before we realize it is not for us. Sadly, we find out only after we are buried deep in the traditional lifestyle.

The Internet helped to spread the availability of information where people previously were without. Because of this medium, BDSM became a legitimate choice for many. We now can find photos, articles, and how-to help simply by using a search engine. People are learning more about this way of life than ever before.

However, this creates another situation that some have asked me about. What do you do if you are interested in this way of life yet have a significant other who is not? This issue becomes compounded when kids, mortgages, finances, and the rest is involved. Unfortunately, there is no single clearcut answer to this. Each situation is personal and up to the individuals involved.

One thing I always suggest is that people need to decide whether they want traditional or BDSM. While it is possible to implement aspects of BDSM into a traditional relationship, those who are faced with this dilemma are often looking to make a deeper step into the lifestyle. Unfortunately, they are often with partners who do not understand or are not interested. Nevertheless, until one is clear exactly what he or she wants, it is impossible to propose something to another.

So, again, do you want a traditional or BDSM lifestyle? This is something that only you can answer. To reach this conclusion, an internal search is required. Many tend to focus upon the outer circumstances to arrive at their decision. That is allowing one to get caught up in a situation as opposed to determining a true want. Looking inward will reveal whether you want BDSM or traditional. Once you arrive at that decision, you can start to make the other choices that go along with the transformation from one lifestyle to another.

Many will write to tell me how it is easy to say while almost impossible to do in person. I will acknowledge that fact. A situation like this, especially when children are involved, is never easy. Nor should it be taken lightly. However, once you decide that you truly want BDSM, then there are other options available. Whether one ultimately decides to pursue this will depend on what other decisions he/she is willing to make. Many decide to remain in the relationship they are in. Again, there is no rule to follow.

The bottom line is happiness. BDSM offers a way of life that makes many of us happy. We know this is the proper way for us to live our life. It is not something that is for everyone. Most, in fact, belong in traditional relationships. Nonetheless, for those of us who went that route and found it wanting, this seems to be a better fit.

To me, BDSM is about freedom. It allows me to be the person I am without having to pretend so as to fit into someone else's perception of a good relationship. Also, it is a way of life that affords me to be honest with those I am involved with. I do not have to sneak around having affairs because I want to be with someone else. It is all part of the way that I structured my life. Those who think differently do not have to associate with me. They can seek relationship with others. I am happy with the choices I made.

So, what is one to do if he or she is presently in a situation they do not desire? I would say the first step is to get honest with yourself. Realize that things might have changed over the years. Choices you made 5,10, or 20 years ago might not be valid for you today. We see this happen all the time in the business world. People choose a career only to determine they want to do something else. Healthy people follow their hearts. Let your insides guide you in this situation also.