January 24, 2009

New Doms

There is a very interesting paradox which exists in the BDSM world that is not present in traditional relationships. By the very nature of BDSM, there is a dominant One and a submissive one. Also, because of the role which goes along with each, the Dom is responsible for the direction of the relationship. He (or she) is the one in control.

What creates the paradox is when a Dom (Domme) is new to the lifestyle. Whenever someone is new to anything, they know little about what needs to be done. This is no different. However, in BDSM, a sub is always looking to the Dom for guidance and strength. This is a difficult situation to navigate.

Sadly, Dom Training 101 was not an elective that people can take in school. Also, except for the rare instance where a parent is known to be involved in BDSM, turning to this person is not beneficial. So, where does One go to gain the knowledge of how to be a Dom?

The Internet is a wonderful method to gain knowledge. However, it is equally misleading since there is so much garbage written out there. Many who post things in chatrooms or forums are nothing more than fakes looking to get their rocks off at home. They are not into the lifestyle.

For me, I was trained by a sub. Needless to say, it was an interesting situation. I was fortunate to get with someone who had the patience to show me what she liked to have done. Over the couple of years we were together, I fumbled my way through different aspects of BDSM. Eventually, I was able to forge my own methodology for the way I interact with subs.

My point here is to be open to learning from wherever you can. My observation is that Doms tend to have a hangup about asking for help. They want to do it all on their own. I presume this is part of the character makeup which allows One to dominate. However, until One learns the basics, learning from others is extremely beneficial. Swallow the pride and admit that you know not what you are doing.

And relax, we were all new at one time.



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