December 6, 2008

What About Love?

Many want to know where love fits into a BDSM relationship?  Is this one where love exists or is it a relationship that is devoid of it?  My answer to that is both are true.  The makeup of a BDSM relationship is determined by the individuals involved.  Whatever attributes are important in a relationship to those people will be present.  

BDSM is not the mysterious world everyone seems to think it is.  The foundation of a relationship is the same as any other.  It is comprised of two people who have similar interests while each fulfilling what is missing in the other person.  We see this same setup in a marriage.  Here are two people who theorectically "complete" each other.  Often, the same thing will occur in BDSM.

As we mentioned in other posts, the major difference within the BDSM arena is in the area of power exchange.  Depending upon the type of relationship, one surrenders all power to the other for a certain period of time.  It could be for the duration of a scene or for the life of the relationship in a 24/7 situation.  Many of the other parameters that are present in a traditional relationship exist within the BDSM world.

Love can play a large role in the BDSM relationship.  I would surmise that most of the relationships in this lifestyle are one-on-one type situations.  The individuals are committed to each other at the heart level.  It is reciprocated by both parties and mirrors the traditional model.  Even if they "play" with others, they still have love as the basis for their interaction. Many times, these couples have taken the step of marriage.  They are committed to each other on many different levels.

Of course, this is only one type.  There are those who are invovled in relationships where love is not at the core.  A prime example of this is the BDSM scene.  Typically, a Dom and a sub get together only for that time period.  After the scene ends, so does the relationship.  Or, there might be regular interaction but the parties operate at a "friendship" level.

I found the BDSM relationship to be extremely flexible in how it is configured.  The parties involved can create whatever situation they desire.  Some opt for the committed route while others prefer a less emotionally charged alternative.  To me, this freedom is what makes BDSM so exciting.  We all have the ability to shape whatever situation that we want.  Love might (or might not) be part of the equation.  It depends upon the individuals.


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