February 6, 2016

The Art of Domination Part 3

This is the third part of my ongoing posts about domination.  If you did not read the first two parts, they are located here and here.

 In the past article, I mention the first two areas to focus upon if one is truly dominant.  Today, I am going to add a couple more to the list.

When interacting with a potential dominant, it is vital to watch how he lives his life as compared to what he says.  It is easy to boast about being dominant.  However, those that take that approach tend to be domineering.  They live according to the idea of do as I say, not as I do.  Before one can control another, he must first be in control of himself.  This will be evident in the way he lives his life.  There are signs which will alert you to whether this guy has dominion over his life or is totally out of control.

3. Emotion

The third area to concentrate upon, after physical and financial, is in the area of emotions.  A true dominant strives to have control over his emotions.  If one cannot control this vital aspect of himself, then all is lost.  Obviously, this extends outside the realm of BDSM and penetrates every aspect of one's life.  We all have encountered those people who fail to keep their emotions in check.  Whether it be anger emerging with out bursts being borderline embarrassing or one who cries uncontrollably at the drop of a hat, we see people who fail to maintain their composure.  It is easy to see, how people in this situation, lack control.  They are simply puppets to their emotions which are their master.  Therefore, I would suggest you pay close attention to any potential dominant who fails to keep his composure in pressure situations.  This is a sign of someone who, underneath, truly lacks the control you might require.

Of late, especially in the NFL, we witnessed a rash of domestic battery cases.  Without delving into the psychological details, I will state simply that these are individuals who are totally out of control.  Naturally, they play a game that is violent and predicated, often, upon violent outbursts.  It is extremely physical and, on many levels, barbaric.  Sadly, it is obvious that many of these individuals cannot leave the violence on the field.  For whatever reason, even though they make a ton of money and are adored by millions, they still have the insecurity which leads them to be unable to handle confrontations in an adult manner.  What is truly repulsive is they end up preying upon the "fairer sex" by their behavior.  How difficult is it for a man who outweighs a woman by 80-150 pounds (often sheer muscle) to beat her ass (and not in the way we like)?  The simple truth is he lacks the ability to maintain control in a domestic argument and has to resort to violence.  A person of this ilk dominants nothing.

This type of behavior or mindset is not exclusive to the NFL.  BDSM is an umbrella that many abusers hide under.  Obviously, we are in a way of life that condones the beating of another as long as it is consensual.  There are some who are into pain so much that you could term it torture.  They enter an arena where the beatings are rather cruel and violent.  Again, since it is consensual, and desired, it is condoned.  The line is crossed when one engages upon this sort of behavior against the will of a submissive/slave.  This is where, in my view, the behaviors enters the abuse arena.  One who opts for this path is no different than the NFL quarterback who beats up his girlfriend repeatedly.  AN abuser is an abuser.

When involved in a scene, a true Master/Dominant will be in full control of his emotions at all times.  He will not engage in this activity while he is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.  Also, he will refrain from it when he is not in the proper mindset.  I recall one instance where I promised a slave I owned a beating but reneged on that promise since I had an awful day at work and was in an angered state.  Fortunately, I had the wherewithal to understand what frame of mind I was in and the danger I posed.  Let us be honest, few of us are going to be able to "turn the other cheek" or be philosophical about much of what happens in life by stating to ourselves "all is well".  The reality is there are times were are going to lose it emotionally.  Yes, it is best to keep those emotions in check.  However, it is equally important to know when we are in a bad space and remove ourselves from potential situations where we can cause damage.  The NFL players I mentioned obviously lacked this ability.  Sadly, the same is often true for dominants who take their anger or frustration out on a sub/slave.

Therefore, pay attention to how a dominant behaves emotionally.   If you see him regularly losing it, it might well be a sign that this guy truly is not in control of himself.   Naturally, if you are dominant and reading this, if you find yourself in this situation, do what you need to so as to remedy it.  Get the help you need so that you can improve in this area.  I think it is obvious how crucial this is.

Before heading to the next one, I was going to mention fear in this section but decided against it.  The reason I did this is because this is such a big topic, I will cover it in the next post.

4. Growth

This section is an encompassing section which covers a wide range of attributes.  I titled it "Growth" because I am a believer that we need to grow to move forward.  BDSM is all about growth.  We enter this way of life knowing little yet learn and expand as we go along.  The journey typically starts with our kinks (which most likely will expand over time) before extending with the realization that BDSM offers the opportunity to live life at a higher level.  What I mean by this is that true BDSM people will hold themselves to a higher standard than the rest of society.  This only makes sense when you realize the depth and risk associated with true power exchange.  A person who takes this from another needs to be responsible with that power.  It is something that the average person does not have to deal with in his relationship.  Here the dominant is fully in charge and needs to direct things.  He cannot absolve himself of the leadership position.

To cover some of the basic areas that growth is required, I will start with mental.  Under mental, I am referring to knowledge.  What is the dominant doing to expand his knowledge base in all areas?  Is he someone who sits around watching television all day long or does he at least pick up a book once in a while?  Does he visit different websites to learn about different things?  Are there hobbies he engages upon which expand his knowledge base and skills?  Is he studying for something that will improve his future, and through that, yours?  And finally, does he make it this way of life and his domination a study?  Too many seem to think, as I mentioned in the first post of this series, that having the quality of domination is enough.  Few realize that to truly dominate, one needs to make it a lifelong study.

Another area where growth is required is in regard to ones skills.  Focusing upon BDSM solely, for a moment, I will state that any dominant who is not expanding his abilities is going to lose those who are under his control.  A sub need to grow also and that comes, in part, by his ability to push her further.  Naturally, he needs to have the ability in a particular area before he can push her.  Sadly, I saw a great many M/s and D/s relationship end simply because the submissive outgrew the dominant.  She progressed while he sat back and felt it his place to be waited upon.  He deferred to her on all the effort while giving none himself.  Well, I have news for you, this is not a choice.  If you are dominant, it is your responsibility to expand and grow because a submissive is (or will) be dependent upon that.  Again, this is not a choice.  If you cannot handle this, perhaps you need to rethink your entry into this way of life.

In the next section, I will cover the big elephant in the room.  This is a telltale sign of how he controls that which is around him.


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