October 13, 2014

What Is Normal?

Society exerts a great deal of power over each of us in conditioning us to be obedient little slaves.  Conformity is something we are taught from the earliest of ages.  In school, we are all shown that we must walk in line with the other kids.  Of course, straying outside of that has negative consequences.  This indoctrination is something that carries with us throughout our lives.  Only a select few are able to stand up to the pressure and truly be ourselves.  Naturally, there are certain aspects of life that we all must conform to unless we want horrific results.  For example, as a nudist, I feel nothing is more natural than people walking around naked.  Society has a different view and if I tried to be natural all the time, I would end up in bondage by the local police.  Therefore, we can see what is natural is not necessarily "normal".

A few posts back, I wrote about sexual tendencies.  What is interesting is society has a way of promoting what it deems "normal" without considering the fact that few people fall into that category.  I find it truly ironic that most people have sexual tendencies which fall outside the bounds of "normalcy".  Of course, whether people act upon these desires or not is a different matter but it does not change the fact that the desires are there to begin with.  I guess we can conclude very few people are "normal" even though society tries to mold everyone into a pattern of normalcy.

The problem for society is so many people are pulling the strings trying to instill their viewpoint as the one that is normal.  Remaining in the sexual arena, we see the power of the religious institutions.  Mantras such as sex before marriage is a sin, marriage is between a man and a woman, sex is to procreate only, and anything outside God's design for sex is wrong are firmly planted in our minds from an early age.  Naturally, this goes counter to what we see in movies and advertising, two venues which use sex as a means of appeal.  Overall, the idea of normalcy is all over the board yet we are suppose to adhere regardless.

The hypocrisy of it all is that nobody can answer what is normal.  In fact, when we talk about hypocrisy, we only need to point to the fact that many of the ones professing about how a proper sex life is suppose to look were, simultaneously, abusing children.  Nevertheless, we are suppose to shape our lives around what these people say.  Talk about blind adherence leading to true ignorance.

Another facet we see "normalcy" is in the area of relationships.  After the women's movement in the 1960s, we saw the power structure within relationships change dramatically.  Now, I am not going to debate the pros or cons of that movement other than to say it changed the way the genders interacted.  Before that, the power resided with the male while the female assumed a more passive or submissive role.  Afterwards, we see all kinds of avenues open up with the traditional structure being obliterated.  Women no longer settled for this idea.  Of course, one needs to consider what women and how many really felt this way (this movement, like most, always has someone else behind it with an ulterior motive).  Nevertheless, the 1950s household was lost for the most part.

Enter BDSM.  We are people who desire a non-normal relationship structure.  Power exchange is at the core of our interaction.  While society feels this is out of the norm, we believe it simply is a matter of timing.  60 years ago, it was the norm.  Today, society altered its outlook; that is all.  Nature does not change only societal views.  Homosexuality is not a new concept.  For hundreds of years, homosexuals were outcast (or worse).  However, the attraction to the same sex is normal for many people.  This is true in this century as it was 3,000 years ago.

At the core of it all is a belief system that is established by society and bought into by those who are part of that culture.  As we look throughout the ages, we see all kinds of behavior, which we now term deviant, as an everyday part of life.  For example, in the Greek Empire, it was common for a boy of 7 to be removed from his home and given to an elder.  Under this arrangement, the boy was to orally and anally satisfy the elder (now you know where the term "going Greek" came from).  The belief system behind this was that a boy, during his development years, would turn into a braver, stronger warrior by drinking the sperm of a man.  At the same time, the separation from females prevented him from being influenced (by all the estrogen I can only presume).

Naturally, in this day and age, we call this child abuse but in the Greek Empire it is completely normal.  Of course, some will say that they were sick and we evolved.  While I can buy that argument to some degree, I would caution against society's evolution.  Take nudity as an example.  I would say we went backwards in that area.  Clothes were designed for warmth and protection against the elements.  Of course, today, clothes are worth in most instances for every reason imaginable other than warmth and protection.  Our "morals" mandate that nudity is wrong.

Ultimately, normal is right and anything outside that is wrong.  Sex between a man and a woman (preferably married) is right.  Sex between two people of the same sex or more than two people is considered wrong.  Equal parity relationships is right, power exchange relationships wrong.  Sex in this missionary position (or maybe doggie style..which is illegal in the state of Florida by the way), is right.  Tying her to a bench and doing her anally (especially without lube) is wrong.

Which brings up my next question: how many people have sex doggie style?  Or to take it a bit further, how many have had threesomes?  How many had sex on a beach or in a car (or anywhere outside their bedroom)?  You see, when it comes to sexual activity, we are all over the place.  Basically, if we can dream it up, someone already tried it.  As was shown, nothing is new in this arena.  Hell, do you think those men were out there tending to those sheep 2,000 years ago and being pure.  I am sure more than one member of the wooly family found her virtue taken.

My point is all this is for each of us to ponder and question what is normal.  Society likes to spell it out for us but few of us fit into that model.  BDSM is obviously a step away from the mainstream.  However, as the success of 50 Shades and movies like the Secretary showed, we might not be that far out of the mainstream.  Perhaps the greater percentage of people actually desire different facets of the BDSM way of life.  Again, most may not act upon these dessire but they are there, floating around in their heads.

The bottom line is that each of us needs to determine what is normal for us.  Society says that monogamy is the proper course.  For many, this is true.  However, there are many people are polysexual, polyamorous, or even pansexual.  These individuals do not fit into the neat little box society tries to mold.

Most of us went the traditional route before finding this way of life.  In fact, it was the pain that resulted from following that path which caused us to search for something different.  It is only upon embarking on this way of life that many of us started to find contentment and fulfillment.  Suddenly, we did not feel like outcasts.  Often I tell newer people "welcome home" because the feeling upon finding this way of life is like a return home.  It all fits after so many years of feeling like a square peg in a round hole.

So what is normal?  That is a question we all have to answer for ourselves.  What is normal (or natural) for me could well be different for you.  It is this difference that makes us all individuals.  The key is to find that person(s) who has similar likes.  BDSM is a wide and varied way of life.  In fact, within one person might be many different layers all seeking fulfillment.  BDSM offers the avenue that says "pursue them and find fulfillment" as opposed to the "comply" that society promotes.


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Lea on October 14, 2014 at 6:34 PM said...

Enjoyed your post. I think going against "the norms" for many is a huge hurdle. To accept your desires as the new normal, and not see your wants as deviant behavior. I know it is something that I struggle with for sure.

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