October 27, 2012

Tempering Excitement

It is human nature to get excited about something new.  Most of us know the feeling of anticipation to Christmas morning and all the new gifts that we will receive.  The question of whether Santa will be good to us or not is on our minds for weeks.  Ultimately, the day arrives when we find out what is under the tree.

Adult World

When we enter adulthood, the maturation process takes away from these childhood antics.  To start, our expectations grow.  No longer is a bicycle enough to send us into emotional nirvana.  Instead, an acquisition such as a car is required to result in the same emotional state.  This is only true, of course, if we are not stuck with the car payments.

Another part of maturity is the day we finally understand that Santa Claus does not exist.  In the world of childhood fantasy, it is easy to believe in the idea of "something for nothing".  Sadly, in the real world of adulthood, we know this is not realistic.  Everything comes with a price.  We have to invest before receiving an ultimate payoff.  Often, the price of admission is financial.  Other times we see our investment to include the thing we call time.  Either way, effort on our part needs to occur for us to see the results.

Emotional Control

Part of being an adult is attaining the ability to control our emotions.  Those who lack this skill tend to fare poor in our world.  Understanding that everyone is not going to cater to our every whim is something many of us realize during our schooling years.  Every person has a degree of self-centeredness but adults know that has to be tempered.  Compromise is part of life.  Many times. the compromise is nothing more than us accepting what we are told to do.  Our working careers are usually an example of this.  A person always has the choice to hem and haw about the situation.  However, rarely does it ever change anything.

Relationships are another area where we see this same idea.  Even in the BDSM world, where one is dominant and the other submissive, there is a give/take scenario that occurs.  People are human.  There are certain needs which have to be met within each of us.  If these things are overlooked, a person will not be fulfilled.  This will lead to a host of other obstacles within that relationship if not addressed.  Emotionally, one cannot enter in with the mindset of me, me, me.  This might come as a surprise to some dominants out there who mistakenly believe it is all about them.  Healthy relationships are always a two-way street.


Excitement is a wonderful thing.  Everyone likes the thrill of emotionally looking forward to something.  As was mentioned, anything new that we like tends to have a higher degree of emotional payoff for us.  This is natural.  However, mature adults realize this needs to be balanced with good ole fashioned common sense.  Those who get too excited without being able to reign in the emotions are apt to put themselves in dangerous situations.

In the BDSM world, this is most commonly seen among newer people who are just finding this lifestyle.  While we all know the enthusiasm which is felt when one finally "comes home", it is a prime example where common sense and tempering are required.  Like anywhere else, the BDSM arena is wrought with dangers and pitfalls of which a person needs to be mighty careful to avoid.  Sadly, we are not able to avert them all but minimizing the impact is crucial.

New people have the idea that they want to rush headlong into this way of life.  Commonly one wants to go from vanilla to full BDSM in a matter of weeks.  For some reason, the notion that relationships take time to develop is erased completely.  Our new person is focused solely on "riding the bicycle" that was found under the tree.  The fact that it is not even assembled is of little concern.  The excitement is too great to stand back.


It is at this point we see one's vulnerability on full display.  If one is not emotional controlled, he or she is apt to be manipulated.  There are hundreds of stories posted about BDSM "relationships" which were nothing more than predatory conquests by someone who had unethical intentions.  A lack of common sense due to emotional exuberance puts one in such a position.  Often the person is hurt and the hope that it is only emotional pain that one needs to experience.  Sadly, we see people also suffer physically or financially.

Another area where one is vulnerable is with the person he or she is dealing with.  One of the most difficult things is to see the reality of any situation when we have emotional investment.  When something is new and we are operating from that nirvana, we are likely to magnify only that which fits that model.  We see this quite regularly in posting of people with a new Master, as an example, and how wonderful he is.  Reading these makes me wonder if the 2nd coming is before us.  I think we might have found that which they say was prophesied so long ago.  This Master most definitely is capable of miracles.  Wonderful is quite simply an understand.  The excitement for this person is spewing for every word that is written from our new person.

Ultimately, we know this person is going to experience a rude awakening.  The truth is that nobody can fulfill these expectations.  Our person is overwhelmed with the excitement, usually of just the experience of BDSM, that she losses all sense of balance.  Emotion control left and that childhood fascination took over.  While this is not a problem on many levels, when it makes us blind to the potential harm that is possible, then it should be of concern. 

Vulnerability is something we all have and can be safe when in trusted hands.  However, judging the person who is entrusted with that is not possible when we have the "excitement goggles" on.  Be mindful of this the next time you are apt to go head over heels.

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