October 20, 2012

Not To Submissive To Everyone

There is a statement that I have seen over the years which really tells me how misunderstanding people truly are about this lifestyle.  Those who have read what I wrote over the years know that I like to draw parallels to the real world.  It is easy to exist in a bubble when engaging in fantasy.  However, life is lived within the confines of time and space.  Ergo, we have to interact with those who are not living the same as us and, in most instances, adhere to their rules.  BDSM is a lifestyle choice but it is not something that removes us from the mainstream of life.  All the problems that others face are experienced by us also.

That being said, I often witness people make the statement "I am not submissive to everyone".  This is a outlook that really peaks my interest because it is so obvious a 4 year old can see it.  Nevertheless, many seem to feel that total submission applies to every single person out there.

While this is written by those of submissive persuasion, I notice many "dominants" who feel the same way.  This is an example of an area where the online world has blurred what reality is.  Many who have this outlook are online people with little to no real world experience.  If they do, they tend to gravitate towards those pre-established methods which removes responsibility from them.  Being a Dominant or a Master requires one to be able to excel in many areas of life.  Following a set of already written guidelines does not cut it.  Yet, online, this is commonplace.

The truth is that the entire BDSM world is established based upon choice.  This is a consensual lifestyle.  People make the choice whether to enter or not based upon desires deep within that person.  As experience/knowledge is gained, one also elects what paths he or she will follow.  Finally, that person will also decide the people he/she prefers to interact with.  This is critical in understanding the obvious was aforementioned.

A person chooses who he or she will submit to.  Using the analogy to what people understand, a married woman is web to only one person (we will leave the poly situations aside for the time being).  When a woman says she is married, she does not mean that she is married to everyone.  Nor does she have to make the statement "I am not married to everyone".  Well of course not.  Only a fool would believe that.  Yet when we transcend over into the BDSM world, it seems that many feel a person, by their submissive nature, is submitting to everyone.  This is completely false.

In closing today, I will point out the fact that submitting and being respectful are two totally different things.  A submissive person should show respect for a dominant person.  Naturally, the same should be returned.  Just because one is dominant, that does not give one a license to act like an ass.  At the same time, a submissive might choose to submit in certain manners to a dominant one even if there is no "relationship".  Again, that is a choice.  The dominant one should not expect that.  There is absolutely no obligation on the part of the submissive to adhere to anything that the dominant says in this situation until there is an agreed upon arrangement.  Short of that, all interaction is voluntary.

Remember this the next time you feel the need to state that you are not submissive to everyone.  Also, think hard about a person you are interacting with if they have the expectation of your submission.  It shows a clear lack of the obvious on his/her part.

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