June 12, 2010

Finding Your One


I see questions like this posed all over the Internet: how do I find a Master (slave)? It is always interesting to see a thread on a forum develop out of this basic question. Once again, we find people who want a "cookie cutter" solution to the life.

Relate To The Traditional World

My fundamental tenet is to always relate things to the traditional world to see if something that is occurring within this life is absurd. The above question is completely asinine when you compare it to the vanilla world. Common sense is something that seems lacking when many approach this way of life.

My comparison is to think of a vanilla dating site and consider a similar question. For instance, how likely is it that you will see one post this: how do I go about finding a husband (wife)? I surmise that if this is posted, the person will be under the age of 10. My reasoning is that everyone in society who is over that age knows how the interpersonal relationship works. It is not something that is kept a secret.

At the same time, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of ways to go about finding a spouse. People meet each other through work, friends, dating sites, personal ads, or simply in the supermarket. The "manual" on dating and love is rewritten hundreds of times each year by authors touting the "secret". Each situation differs based upon the individual needs.

BDSM Is No Different

In many ways, BDSM is no different from what we already know. When you get to the essence, the primary difference is how the power structure is broken down. Other than that, we are often dealing with the same issues as the rest of the world. Thus, a BDSM relationship is nothing more than another relationship. All interpersonal skills apply.

How does one go about finding a Master (slave)? The same way one would go about finding a girlfriend or boyfriend. It starts with putting oneself in a situation where he or she will encounter available people. The Internet makes this process easier (while also making it more difficult). One cannot successfully fish unless he or she casts a line in the water. Getting into a BDSM relationship requires placing ourselves in position to meet others.

Another aspect in this is to get involved. Travel to many of the "BDSM dating" sites and you will find profiles stating something like "Master seeking slave-email me". Again, if we go to the vanilla sites, do you think there are profiles stating "Man seeking girlfriend-email me". If this is done, what do you think of a person who does this? I would conclude he is an obnoxious ass. Certainly, we can agree that this is not commonplace within the vanilla world. People will tell about themselves.

Not so in the BDSM world. This concept is on profiles all over the net. People seem to lose interpersonal skills as soon as BDSM is involved. I cannot tell you how many times I encountered someone who said that he is looking for a slave; anyone interested? Like anyone worth a lick is going to respond to that. What the hell is he offering? What are his qualifications? Simple ideas that are instantly overlooked by those who are floating around the life.

In the end, finding someone to have a relationship with requires the same dedication and effort as in the traditional world. There are no shortcuts here. People who take the time to consider what they are seeking themselves have a head start on everyone else. Knowing yourself and your desires enables you to identify what you are seeking when you run across it. This can shorten the process.

Bear in mind that we are all individuals. What I want certainly is different from the desires of many others. Whether dominant or submissive, we all have things that we want in a relationship. Identifying those characteristics goes a long way to being able to match someone up. Start the process today to avoid headaches down the road. This life is not as mysterious as people make it out to be. Normal interpersonal skills still apply.

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5 comments:

Alujna on June 13, 2010 at 1:29 AM said...

you know in the beginning i did the same thing, my profile would state slave seeking Master...
then i was chatting with someone online, but still it was so distant to me. i couldn't do it. so i stopped searching via net altogether, i need all 5 of my senses to know whether i can submit to this Master.
i know some people have found their loved ones on the net, but for me it just won't work out that way,,,,, so i'm just going about it the old fashioned way!
-Alujna

Dennis Najee on June 13, 2010 at 5:39 PM said...

Good luck in your search Alujna. However, I am not one who disagrees with the ability to meet others online. The net is a great way to make contact. Nevertheless, this should not be mistaken with the idea that online is real.

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