Online Prospects

Much attention is given to the online BDSM world, specifically, M/s and D/s. It is interesting to notice how many are taken in by the cons that occur online. What would normally be dismissed with common sense is, instead, swallowed whole-heartedly. This creates a situation where many are harmed.

What is one to do when faced with the daunting task of trying to find someone online? How can you succeed in your search while protecting yourself from the predators and game players? That is what I seek to answer here.

To start, there are many genuine people online who are seeking exactly what they say. They are real in every sense of the word. Their intentions are explicitly stated with no hidden agenda. These are the people that we are all seeking.

My experience leads me to believe the percentage of people falling into this category is around 5%. I feel that 95% of those one encounters in the online BDSM world are full of crap to one degree or another. This applies equally for those who profess to be submissive as it does for those who are dominant.

Therefore, before investing a great deal of energy into someone, understand that there is a 95% chance that you are dealing with someone who is not after the same thing you are. The Internet is a mechanism which allows one to be totally anonymous. It is rather simple to create an online persona and run with it. For many, they simply lack the ability to recognize the pretenders.

Online is a wonderful way to strike up a "relationship" with someone. However, caution always needs to be applied. Offering simple "tests" is a wonderful way to verify what one is saying. For example, if you are a dominant, give your new submissive an exercise to do. If he or she completes it, there is hope. Failure to do so leads me to state "move on". A person who fails on the first go is likely telling a story.

As a Master, I know that my place within a relationship is something that is earned, not given. There were a lot of years spent learning what this lifestyle is all about. This offered me the training to be an experienced Master. For this reason, I am comfortable and confident in my abilities. While not perfect, I have had success living this lifestyle.

That being said, anytime I interact with a submissive, I instruct her to call me "Sir". This is showing the proper respect of the position of dominant without knowing my specific credentials. Even if there is someone who feels that I am worthy of respect, I still insist upon this protocol.

This is a sharp contrast to many I see in a chatroom. These fools feel that they are worthy of being called Master by everyone who is submissive. Perhaps some are; most are not. Nevertheless, they are indignant when it comes to this. Somehow they believe that the title makes it so. Remember, it is easy to assume a persona online. However, the persona does not make it so.

If I called myself an astronaut, do you think NASA would deem me qualified to fly into space. While I might qualify as a space cadet (or space case), being an astronaut requires a certain degree of experience and training. The same is true in this lifestyle. People who claim to be a Master simply because they capitalized their name are closer to being space cadets than true dominants.

Respect is something that I earn; it is not given. This is true for all aspects of life. If you encounter someone who demands certain treatment simply because they believe they are entitled to it, tell them to go jump in a hole. To me, there is a great chance they fall into the 95% bracket we previously mentioned.

Remember these tidbits when you are interacting with others online. We will cover this topic in greater detail in future posts. For now, just use common sense in your approach to this lifestyle. You will not be sorry.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.

Equality

Equality. Fairness. Justice. Sharing. These are concepts many seek to have in life. Unfortunately for them, we fail to see them in nature. The natural world does not contain these qualities. Yet people still want to experience them on a regular basis.

One of the reasons I believe that BDSM works so well is that it does not advocate these characteristics. Instead, the exact opposite is endeared. Using the M/s relationship as an example, we notice that the fundamental basis is inequality. The breakdown of power absolute. There is nothing equal about the relationship. Master is in charge while slave is to obey. Simple and effective.

Problems arise when this concept is confused. Many humans want to exert power over themselves and others. Sadly, most are incapable. The submissive type has an inner calling to serve. Her desire to be in control is the equivalent of a "temper tantrum". The truth is that she does not want to be in control. If that was her desire, she was not be drawn to this lifestyle at all (at least not as a submissive).

We see this idea in all facets of BDSM. Equality and fairness are invalid. Obedience and servitude are the norm. We esteem the power and strength of a dominant type while also respecting and understanding the submissive. Both are celebrated but for different reasons. And, both are necessary for the other to exist.

When we look at parenting, we quickly see how unfair this art is. Children are not treated equally. They are usually at different ages with varying degrees of experiences, abilities, and behaviors. Each is taken individually. Nevertheless, both are not treated the same. Some are entitled to more freedoms and rewards because of age or achievements.

BDSM has the same concept. Each submissive type is an individual. She cannot be treated the same as another. There are different expectations based upon her background and abilities. I often write that "one size does not fit all in BDSM". We are in an individualistic way of life. Therefore, to look for equality and fairness is not practical. One will be treated how her Dom/Master sees fit.

If this all sounds too harsh perhaps a different way of life is better suited for you. Many seem to object to the reality that I try to convey in my writing. Nevertheless, my goal is to share what happens when one leaves the fantasy land that is known as the Internet. Many are surprised when reality hits them in the face when they move from online to real time. The main emphasis of this blog is to forewarn people of what really occurs. BDSM is a wonderful life albeit difficult at times. Having an awareness going in is helpful.

Start with getting rid of the unrealistic expectations of equality and fairness. This is not part of the lifestyle. My feeling is that those who seek it in any part of their life are disappointed since nature doesnt operate on this level. BDSM is a facet of the world that follows this same model.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.