February 23, 2014


I was trying to think up a title for this post to describe what I am going to write about.  However, there really is not a term that I could come up with that accurately captured what I wanted.  The closest I could get is the word "lifers".  Hopefully, after you read what I write, it will make more sense to you.

We see a lot of propaganda online.  At the same time, we see many different factions advertising the "right" way to approach the BDSM lifestyle.  Of course, as we know, it seems the "munch" is at the center of it all.  For those unfamiliar with this concept, a munch is a gathering, usually at a public place, of lifestyle people.  Think of it as a kinky coffee although play is not usually part of the program at these events.  The basic idea is that one associates with like minded people.  Naturally, this makes a lot of sense.

Another think we see is different "conventions" that occur around the country (world).  This is a munch on steroids where the gathering takes place over the course of a few days and the amount of people grows exponentially.  At these events, there are usually workshops and other presentations put on by people who are supposedly experienced in a particular area.  While many of them are good and taught by genuine people, there is a section of this lifestyle who are driven simply by ego.  Oftentimes, these situations become more a show place for one to get a stroking of the ego.

To me, there is a lot of big facade painted by many.  This BDSM way of life has nothing to do with anything that most of these people tout.  While seeing someone who is a master with a bullwhip can be fascinating, it applies little to most people's lives.  Are we dealing with BDSM or the circus is often the question.  At the same time, many seem only interested in showing off their latest "sexy slave".  While I acknowledge it is good to be proud of your property, parading her around like she is a showpiece tells me that one suffers from a great deal of insecurity.  Finally, it gets very difficult to find information that is being taught at an advanced level.  Most of the workshops are targeted at new people and rightfully so.  Putting forth advanced ideas simply would be too limiting at something like this.

So where does that leave the masses?  There are many people who live the 24/7 lifestyle who do not attend munches nor travel on a weekend to spend at a fetish conference.  These people simply go about their lives concentrating upon what is important to them.  Obviously, they feel that their lives are not lacking by missing the festivities which so many seem to make ultra important.

To me, these people are BDSM "lifers".  They are basically going through life without the fanfare that others are seeking.  To them, BDSM is about service and mastery as opposed to showing off.  The main idea is that it is not about other people but themselves.  There is no need to advertise in front of others.  In fact, for many, if they were to play publicly, they might have to tone down their activities.  Extreme games are not for the general masses.  Nevertheless, I encounter so many who have the inherent need to feel like they are a part of something.

Ultimately, life is about how you choose to live it.  If you are one who truly adores the interaction with others and finds munches or conferences helpful, then by all means, attend.  However, make sure your motives are proper and bear in mind that many who are at events such as these are not there for the same reason.  As I stated, many (but not all) have the need to "show off" and present an image to everyone.  For them, what others think is more important.

 So, in closing, I would suggest you always look at your motives.  Understand that it is perfectly acceptable to live your BDSM as you see fit.  You do not need to be a "part of the community" to be involved in this lifestyle.  Your choice to live this way of life in your daily affairs is enough.  It is up to you to do what makes you happy.


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