February 17, 2014

Life Is Just Life

Today I am going to cover a topic that I tend to touch upon repeatedly because I think it so important.

Too many people enter the BDSM world believing that it will be the "magical" answer to all their problems.  Sadly, we see so many who believe that this is somehow a fairy tale or romance novel coming into existence with just the snap of the fingers.  Of course, those who are around this way of life for any length of time know this is not true.  Life tends to mirror itself both before and after the entry into BDSM.


I think that many are thrown by the term "lifestyle".  For many, the image conjured up in their minds is the idea that one is somehow getting a new life.  While on a certain level this might be correct, the truth is that there are not radical differences to start.  Life is still life no matter what choices one makes.  There is no way to exempt ourselves.

A lifestyle is nothing more than a mental concept of the choice we make.  In turn, those who choose a  particular "lifestyle" tend to seek out those with similar views.  For example, those who are into the "gay lifestyle" are apt to interact with other of the gay persuasion.  At the same time, those who like the "furry" way of life are likely to associate with others who enjoy this.  We can say the same for nudism, swinging, or BDSM.  At the core, there is a major decision from which all other decisions flow.

In the BDSM world, anyone who is committed to this way of life will, naturally, seek out power exchange relationships.  They also will associate, either in person or online, with others who are also interested and living this way of life themselves.  We share ideas, experiences, and concerns in an effort to assist others.  All our decisions are intertwined with this foundational decision to life this way.  This "lifestyle" ultimately becomes the central basis for our lives.


It is heartbreaking to witness someone who is awoken to the reality of what this deal is all about.  Sure, it is enticing to consider this an entry into something new, exciting, magical, and unrealistic.  Who wouldn't want something like that?  However, as I mentioned, BDSM is not a romance novel turned real.  The movie "Secretary" is still a movie.  "50 Shades of Gray" is a glorified romance novel that is not centered in reality  It is imperative to keep these things in mine.

The truth of the matter is BDSM is work just like any other aspect of life.  A BDSM relationship, by its very nature, entails two people who are not going to agree on everything.  The only difference between a BDSM relationship and a vanilla one is the power structure.  Other than that, all circumstances that one is apt to encounter in the traditional world exist within BDSM.  People get sick; financial difficulties are present; incompatibility occurs; jealousy arises; emotions go unchecked; people fall out of love.  Anything you can imagine that happens outside of BDSM also occurs within it.

I do not like to see people entering BDSM under false impressions.  The truth that life is life cannot be ignored.  Simply because someone decides to seek out a power exchange relationship does not mean that only good times are on the way.  People suffer just like anywhere else.

So stop with the fantasy.  BDSM is a wonderful way of life for those who have the makeup to life it.  However, it is not a solution to our problems.  This is simply an alternative way which fulfills us while providing great satisfaction.  That is all it is.  Do not think that you will be exempt from things such as loneliness, fear, anger, and disappointment.  There are a lot of tears shed by those who are in the BDSM world.

As I always say, BDSM is about more than whips and chains.  The fantasy does not appear in reality.  It is best to burst that bubble right now.


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