September 4, 2013

Internal Versus External

 A few weeks back I wrote an article titled "Attracted to Domineering" that was widely received in a few different places.  In it, I discussed the major differences between someone who is dominant versus those who are domineering.  Many submissives find themselves in endless loop cycles of going from one bad relationship to another.  What most do not understand is that they are actually attracted to domineering as opposed to domination.  My experience is that when one deals with someone who engages in domineering behavior, the relationship is jeopardized because fear is the controlling factor.  This is why being able to see the difference is crucial.  BDSM success depends upon the interaction with someone who is dominant.

Alpha Male

This brings us to the subject of the Alpha Male.  Before going any further, I will remind my readers that, as I always do, I am going to discuss this topic from the male dominant/female submissive perspective.  Understand that the opposite is as applicable albeit not as common.  If you find yourself in a different arrangement, simply change the gender roles to fit your situation.

Many look upon the "Alpha Man" as the crux of domination.  Society has a way of placing this person in high regard.  Commercials, movies, and television programs esteem him as the one to be like.  Men want to be him while women want to be with him.  He is the center of attention.  His clothes are perfectly pressed, matching, and totally in fashion.  One a scale of 1-10, he is at worst a 10.

Most of you know the type that I am referring to.  He is a popular individual who has a high powered job.  Envy of others is something that is commonplace within this person's life.  Dating the best women is his modus operandi.  It is not uncommon to see a super model on his arm.  Wealth, power, and prestige are traits that summarize him.  He is in complete control of his life.

With all this evidence, it is safe to conclude that the Alpha Male is the one who is dominant.  He is completely in charge of his environment.  He is the epitome of self confidence.  Fear does not exist in his world.  Whatever feelings arise, he simply ignores them and achieves the task at hand.  Self-doubt rarely exhibits its ugly head.

Not Caring

I am going to discuss a topic that, when fully explained, will clarify this situation even more.  The subject is the idea of simply not caring.  A true dominant does not care.  It is that simple.  If you see someone caring, then you are not dealing with a dominant.

Now that most of you believed I feel off my chair and hit my head, I will explain what I mean.  No, I am not advocating the behavior of the pretenders and online wannabes who care nothing of the individuals they interact with nor the carnage they leave behind.  This behavior is pathetic and should be stopped at every instance.  At the same time, I am not promoting that a dominant should not care about those with who he is involved with.  If a submissive opts to involve herself in a relationship with a dominant, then that should be taken seriously and that person cared for and about as one should when deep feelings are involved.  So what do I mean?

Not caring centers around the mindset of the dominant himself.  It arises from the motivation that comes deep from within.  A true dominant is not dependent upon the views of others.  He concerns himself not with what others think about him.  Instead, his m.o. is to progress going through life doing what he feels best in each situation.  His interactions with the world are always based upon an internal focus.  If others do not like him or what he is doing, so be it.  His self worth is such that the high opinions of others is meaningless.  It is nice to receive, granted, but entirely unnecessary.

Again, I have to stress that this does not mean our dominant acts like a total a**hole.  Common courtesy is often a characteristic of this individual.  The internal self assurance he has means that he lacks the need to put others down.   He is in control and he knows it.  There is no need to make the outside world believe it.  It just is.  Actions speak louder than words.  The opinion of others simply do not enter the mindset when making a decision.  The facts are weighed and the decision made.

Internal Versus External

I hope that you are starting to gain some insight into the difference between internal versus external focus.  As you can guess, this comes into play when discussing the idea of domination.  Obviously, based upon what was presented here, you can conclude that a true dominant is internally focused.  At the same time, the Alpha Male, is externally focused.  One opts for domination while the other engages in domineering.

Why do I write this?  The answer is simple.  Once again, we go back to motives.  As was explained in the last article covering this topic, one who is domineering is driven by fear.  An individual of this nature continually lives under the worry of being "found out".  The "bravado" that he shows is a facade.  It is not true self confidence.  He is continually worried about what the outside world thinks.  Contrast this with the characteristics I listed in the last section about not caring.  An internally focused person simply does not care nor is he driven by the opinion of others.  The externally based person is completely wrapped up in this.

In conclusion, I again must issue the disclaimer so people will not take this information out of context.  I am not advocating acting like a total ass.  Not caring is a subject about where one's focuses his attention when making decisions.  True confidence is something that comes from within.  When it comes from the outside, it is lost when others withhold it.  This is what happens often to the Alpha Males.  As long as the crowds are cheering, everything is great.  However, when the noise dies down and he is left with just his thoughts, the truth comes out.  Be mindful of this when you are interacting with someone who is "dominant".  Ask yourself if this person seems internally focused as opposed to externally.  If it is the later, you might want to think long and hard about what you are getting yourself into.  It could well be a sign of something deeper.


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