February 9, 2013

A Higher Standard: Physical

This post is certainly going to offend some people and that is quite alright with me.  I hope some people are up in arms about what I am going to write simply for the fact that we, as a population, have become too complacent about things.  Therefore, since I believe those in the BDSM world are obligated to hold themselves to a higher standard, I am going to focus my attention here.

Frankly, the world is too fat.  This is a statement backed up by many studies.  Western cultures, the US and Europe, are experiencing obesity rates that are unseen at any point in history.  Today, I hear so many excuses as why this is so.  The truth of the matter is that a weight epidemic exists because people tolerate it, both among themselves and from others.

Before going any further, I will issue a disclaimer.  I understand there are some who simply cannot lose weight because of health issues such as a lazy thyroid or because of physical ailments which make exercise virtually impossible.  For these people, the struggle is difficult if not impossible.  If you are an individual who fits into this category, be it from paralysis, stroke, or heart ailment, obviously much of this will not apply.  However, it is worthy to read what is written here for those around you.

The Body

It is written that the "body is a temple".  If that is the case, looking at people in public, many should be condemned.  Physical fitness is a thing of the past.  As a fan of older movies, I am stunned each time I watch something from the 1970s or before.  Almost everyone in the movie is thin.  Sure, there is the occasional large person but that person is not the norm.  Contrast that with movies today and you see a completely different scenario.

We see this same thing in the BDSM world.  It is amazing to me to see the pictures of some people and how they look.  In addition to being unattractive there is a health aspect which I will cover in a bit.  The bottom line is people do not cherish their body.  Instead, they abuse it with the food they put in, thus, creating a host of problems down the road.

I am always amazed to see people post in their profile they are "Masters" and then to look at their weights only to find they are 75 or 100 pounds overweight.   To me, this is a total contradiction.  How can one believe that he (or she) is able to control another when dominating what is entering his (her) body is outside the realm of personal power?  While I will see intolerant with this view, the fact is that if one is going to be a "Master", I do not think it unfair that he (she) be held to a higher standard.

It is the same on the submissive side.  So many label themselves slaves yet are carrying around extra pounds.  Again, we see a contradiction here.  Slaves are suppose to be beings that one is proud of.  They do things on a daily basis to ensure maximum benefit to the ones in servitude to.  However, when one is unfit, this limits the options a Master will have.  Physical limitations which are present because of failure to do something within one's control is the result.  To me, this becomes an unacceptable scenario.


Overall, I conclude this is nothing more than an extreme case of selfishness.  I come across so many who have the attitude "accept me as I am".  This is a definite case of having a settlement mentality.  This might work for society in general but, in BDSM, we need to lift our sights higher.  There is no reason why anyone should settle for anything less than they can possibly be and offer anyone else less than 100% of our potential.

We see so many searching to find the right one.  On any given day, you can log onto any BDSM website to find people looking for that special someone(s) to get involved with.  It is a quest many spend years undertaking and, fortunately for many, a quest that is fulfilled.  Now, this is where the problem comes in.  How selfish is it that a person is going to fulfill another person with his or her presence only to check out early because of health issues?  It is no secret the life expectancy ramifications that carrying around extra weight causes.  Yet a person, dominant or submissive, does not even consider this.  The central fact is that one deprives another of years of interaction.

Heart disease, cancer, and other ailments all have been tied, at least in part, to excess weight.  The emotional toll on a relationship when one of these hits is tremendous.  Nevertheless, few take measures to prevent them.  Instead, they simply go about eating the double cheeseburgers and french fries without regard to the consequences.  Again, I cannot help but to ponder how selfish this is when one looks at the bigger picture.


If a loss of life is not reason enough to decide to change, perhaps sex can be a motivating factor.  To start, not to sound shallow, but everyone likes to have sex with a hot body.  Now, this is not to mean insist that physical attributes are the only important factors.  However, society esteems the beautiful for one reason: people want to have sex with them.  What woman does not want to spend a night with George Clooney?  I would say most of the English speaking female world fits into that category.  Sure his attitude, fame, and money might have something to do with it but the fact that he is in shape does not hurt his sex appeal.  The same is true for someone like Demi Moore.  If she was carrying an extra 30 or 50 pounds, she would not be seen in the same light.

In addition to attractiveness, sex is impeded by weight.  As we age, things do not work as well as they did when we were younger.  This is a basic fact of life.  However, those who maintain a certain physical fitness level are able to slow the aging process down a bit.  And when it comes to sex, this is a good thing.

To illustrate this point, we will go to the most basic sexual tool, the penis (Dick for those of you who were asleep in health class).  Studies reveal that a great deal of erectile dysfunction is directly attributed to excess weight.  The clogging of the vascular system impeded the flow of blood to the member when it is needed most.  An erection, unlike other muscles, cannot be strengthened and relies solely on the flow of blood to achieve the state of "attention".  Also, stamina and sexual interest have been also tied to how fit one is.  Those who maintain a good state of fitness tend to last longer in bed and want it more than those who do not.  Finally, medications can impede performance yet many that people take are due to excess weight.  We find many of the same correlations with women as they age.

Again, I wonder how selfish a person is to not want to be able to perform, sexually, as well as possible for his or her partner?  Within BDSM, there is a mindset that a submissive exists for the dominants pleasure.  That is true but I have news for you: if the submissive is not taken care of, he or she will not hang around too long.  Subs have needs too.


There are a number of reasons why someone would tolerate being overweight when there is something that can be done about it.  Again, focusing upon BDSM although I am sure it is consistent throughout mainstream society, one big reason is emotional.  Many simply have not dealt with their past issues.  Instead, they opt to make themselves "unattractive" by using weight as a protective blanket.

Sexual and physical abuse is common among many of the members of the BDSM community.  Many were molested as children and a number of people have not dealt with this.  It is at this point that I will strongly suggest getting with a therapist or counselor to deal with issues arising from those past events.  I met so many who admitted they used weight as a means of ensuring that sexual abuse does not happen again.  On the surface, this makes no sense but when one delves into the mind of a victim of this sort, the rational is perfectly logical.  However, as we all know, it is flawed in that it provides no defense, especially in light of the negative health/social consequences.

Another factor that enters the picture is that many do not know how to handle their emotional states.  I am a firm believer that emotional control is imperative in a BDSM relationship.  Those who do not know how to handle their feelings are best off uninvolved until they can learn how to deal with people as adults.  The stimulus/react technique might be okay for children but does not pass when one reaches adulthood.  Yet we see so many who quite frankly cannot control themselves.  Therefore, they turn to something that helps them escape and for many this is food (or sweets, salty products, or fast food).  Again, this is something which might require some professional assistance.

The final reason for being overweight is that we became an inactive society.  Many people spend their entire day on their butts getting very little activity.  In the past, people naturally engaged in activities which got their bodies moving.  Today, video games and the Internet consume most of our time.  Research has showed that the average American watches 6 hours of television on average a day.  The net result is seen around the waistline.

The Solution

So why do I bring all this up?  As mentioned, I am a big believer that we, in the BDSM world, are obligated to hold ourselves to a much higher standard than the average person.  We consciously sought out a lifestyle that is different from what is considered normal.  To do this, we had to break the conditioning that society did and embrace things for ourselves.  This requires strength, personal power, and inner fortitude.  In my mind, these are characteristics which reside within each person who lives this way of life.

Most of you know I state repeatedly that BDSM is a lot more than whips and chains.  The lifestyle was corrupted to a degree by the imagery promoted by the porn industry.  Many new people believe it is about being tied up and screwed.  Nevertheless, this is only the tip of the iceberg.  Making BDSM a part of your life means that it penetrates every aspect of your life.  Those who fail to understand this are shortchanging themselves.

We speak of words such as discipline, honor, trust, honesty, control, responsibility, and service.  Yet, for many, these are just words.  Instead of internalizing them as a daily part of one's life, they are paid "lip service".  We see this when we watch the behavior of so many.

BDSM entails being the best you can be in all situations.  Everyone has different aspects of their lives.  Regardless of whether we are focusing upon the financial, mental, career, family, or physical, BDSM mandates that one strive to attain the highest standard.  Again, we showed the strength and courage to break from the norm and choose a lifestyle different from what we were taught.  It is up to us to apply this to every part of our life.

Therefore, the solution is to begin focusing upon all the things others see.  Take pride in yourself as a member of the BDSM community.  Realize that your physical appearance is something that everyone sees.  Do whatever is necessary to get healthy and fit.  Living in the age of the Internet, the information you need is only a web search away.  I can offer up hundreds of tips to assist you but that is not what this post is about.  However, the fact that many are aware of the 1950s lifestyle should delve a bit deeper and look at how our grandparents lived with regards to healthy and nutrition.  Turning back the clock in that regard provides us with a path to success.

In conclusion, please note that I am not inferring that everyone needs to have a supermodel body.  For most of us, this is unrealistic.  Nevertheless, there is a lot more each of us can do to improve our physical state.  This post is meant to motivate you to action.  Realize what is at stake.  While nothing I wrote here is a secret or not known by society in general, few seem to be paying attention.  That is fine for them.  However, BDSM requires that we each take a look at ourselves to see where we can improve.  If you are one who is already in terrific physical shape, congratulations.  Yet if you are one who is closer to the 60% who is consider obese by the medical community, perhaps it is time to take this post to heart.  The benefits of shedding pounds and losing inches cannot be described.  This affects every area of your life.  It is time to hold yourself to a higher standard. 


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