December 9, 2012

Maturity Level

Today I am going to cover a topic that seems constant within the BDSM community.  It is sad that a lifestyle that is considered "alternative" and leads to the ostracizing of so many by the vanilla world would take such an approach.  But, alas, it is the case and one that I witnessed for years, especially in the online world.

Difficult Path

The Internet has been a mixed blessing for the BDSM community.  While it has allowed for the spread of information and opened up the lifestyle to many more people, it is also a medium that requires some specialized skills to navigate.  One of the foundations of the Internet is anonymity.   A person has the ability to become whatever he or she wants.  There is no way to verify everything that a person is saying.  That is why this mechanism is so wrought with fraud.  Almost all of us has received the email from the Prince who has $30M back in his home country that he is willing to share if you provide the $10,000 to assist him in getting it back.  It is a scammers paradise.

Certainly not everyone is a fraud and a scammer.  However, my experience is that half of the "people" online are not who they claim to be.  Some are married when they state they are single but are just looking for some online fun.  Others are assuming a role of the opposite sex for their giggles.  And still others are short and plump when they claim to be tall, dark, and handsome.  This is the reality of what we deal with when engaging others online.


In addition to the frauds, another problem I noticed if the fact that people can get very "clickish" when dealing online.  It is interesting to watch how people will protect each other when in fact, most likely, they are nothing more than characters on a screen to each other.  Sure it is possible that they interact through more traditional mediums but not likely when you notice that many are in separate parts of the world.  Regardless of their relations, the sad fact is that clicks are a sign of immaturity and the fact that they are so common tells me the level of maturity of most.  This is something that makes me think we are back in high school.

Another problem with this behavior is for those who are new and truly have the desire to learn.  Have you noticed how mistakes are not tolerated?  This is commonplace on the sites where "protocol" is the norm.  These are the places where a bunch of "doms" demand respect and all subs are to behavior in a certain manner.  Another part of my experience is that most of these dominants are nothing more than buffoons who really have no idea what domination is.  At the same time, someone who is new is being indoctrinated into this stupidity.  BDSM is about freedom and personal development.  Behaving in a rote manner is a sign of laziness and lacking in imagination.  Yet these are the places that many flock to.  In turn, our submissive is surrounded by others who believe this is how things are.  Sadly, if the new person begins to question or strays from the protocol, he or she (most likely she) is ostracized.


 The bottom line is there is a great deal of rudeness which takes place.  It still baffles me how common courtesy is absent.  I guess it is to be expected when one is a borderline fraud and he or she is well aware of it.  Fear makes people behave in strange ways.  When one is possessive of other or his/her place, it is natural that person is going to be aggressive in defending that.  Yet, this only reflects upon that person and tells anyone watching "I am insecure".

Those who are comfortable with themselves do not feel the need to be rude.  I have no problem with being respectful nor interactive with anyone regardless of their "position" within the lifestyle.  The fact that I am dominant and have lived a certain way thus gaining experiences that perhaps others do not have at this moment does not put me higher on the scale.  A new person,dominant or submissive, is just another individual.  That person has feelings and desires the same as everyone else.  Sadly, this outlook is not commonplace.

Again, one's behavior reflects more on them than the other person.  So, if you are one who is rude and ignoring people because they do not fit into your click, take a look at your actions.  What is that saying about yourself and, more importantly, why do you behave in such a way?  What are you afraid of?  Why do you feel the need to instantly degrade someone just because you are supposedly dominant?  It is best to remember the person on the other end of your interaction is a human being.  Just because he or she does not adhere to your protocol or fit into your click, that is your hangup.  If you need to behave in such a manner, that shows that you are both immature and scared.   Perhaps you should think about growing up; high school is over.

It is time that we all start approaching one another in a more respectful, genuine manner.  People who are involved in this lifestyle find enough ways to be ostracized by the vanilla world.  There is no need for us to compound the situation without our interactions.

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