December 5, 2012

Abuse 103

This entry is going to discuss a very important subject for those who are involved in the BDSM lifestyle.  Many seem to feel that it is something that can be overlooked in certain situations.  Sadly, this is not the case and it is this one activity which causes the horrific stories we read about in the mainstream press.  It is time to clarify this issue so that people are aware of the necessity of SAFE WORDS.

Safety Is Most Important

I cannot stress this enough.  There is nothing more important than safety in the BDSM world.  Everything is secondary to this.  There is nothing that a dominant person should place higher in the forefront of his/her mind than ensuring the person entrusted is well taken care of.  Submissive persons are putting themselves at great risk by handing that trust over.  Naturally, this should not be done easily.  It is crucial that the person who is being entrusted is worthy. 

Unfortunately, many are not responsible with the power they are given.  For this reason, a submissive must ensure that all activity proceeds in a safe manner.  Anything to the contrary would necessitate exiting the situation.  I am well aware of protocol and how a submissive needs permission.  Hogwash.  When it comes to matters of safety, if the dominant is not being responsible, the submissive needs to leave.  Protocol be damned.  Nothing is worth risking your life or body because someone is either naive or asinine.

Another point that must be mentioned is that there are many within the BDSM world who use it as a guise to abuse.  There are a lot of naive people who enter this lifestyle believing everything that is told to him or her.  It is scary at how these people are instantly prey for those who have an agenda to hurt.  Being dominant does not mean being able to take advantage of another however you see fit.  It means being able to control the mind and body of another while leading him or her to a predetermined outcome.  Growth is the foundation of all success both inside and outside the BDSM world.

Always Use A Safe Word

Notice the word "always" in the title.  This is word is not substitutable.  One cannot use words such as "sometimes", "most often", "occasionally", or "when I feel like".  A safe word must ALWAYS be used.  Every situation that involves any type of impact play, bondage, or other types of extreme interaction requires the use of this strategy.  It is something that a submissive needs in his or her arsenal.

I often hear that because someone is a slave, this is not the case.  Sure "it is fine for the subs but my slave does not need a safe word; I know when she had enough."  Again...HOGWASH.  I am in this way of life a long time in scenes with many different types of people, some who absolutely loved pain to the point of wanting to pass out.  That being said, I ALWAYS give one a safe word to use.  At any moment that it is uttered, all activity stops.  This is non-negotiable on either part.  If a sub wants things to continue, do not say the safe word.  It is an automatic stop sign.

The bottom line is that even if you are involved with a person for a long time, it is impossible to know how they are day-to-day.  Simply because one could attain a certain level one day, that does not mean that he or she can go there the next.  Each day our bodies, minds, and emotions are different.  Therefore, a submissive needs that exit strategy to cease the activity if it becomes too much.  One might be adept at reading the person under care but it is not foolproof.  Ignoring this concept is what leads to accidents, some of which are fatal.

If you are dealing with someone who says that he or she never uses a safe word or that "you dont need that", run the other way.  I am here to forewarn you about this person.  Also, if you find yourself in a situation where one is ignoring the safe word you state, as soon are you can get free, leave.  Do not deal with a person of this sort.  This is a point that is not open to negotiation.  BDSM is a consensual lifestyle for responsible people.  One who opts for the path just described is not responsible but, rather, an abuser.

Remember this as you trek around the Internet and real time BDSM world.  There are a lot of abusers out there.  It is up to you to recognize the warning signs.  

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Anonymous said...

I have been reading all your posts of late...they are VERY informative....and very ''real'' thank you

Dennis Najee on December 12, 2012 at 11:50 AM said...

You are welcome. Thank you for reading.

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