October 12, 2011

Being Adult

Why do I title this post in such a way? My reasoning is simple: because too many people, in my observation, enter the BDSM world in a manner that is only befitting of a child. Their behavior, both online and in person, is abysmal. For this reason I figured I would deliver the message that it is time to grow up.

Miserable Failures

I see so many who come upon this way of life after being complete failures in their traditional lives. This stands to reason since most all of us are here because the vanilla world simply did not suit us. However, there is a percentage of our population who take this even further. In addition to being ill-equipped to deal with parity-based relationships, they show a complete inability to deal with life in general. And this is where the problems arise.

BDSM is not an avenue of escape. Too many determine this lifestyle offers the chance to rid oneself of responsibility. After having so many relationships (platonic in addition to sexual), our new dominants and subs conclude that BDSM is a way to shun all the problems. Of course, anyone who has any sense of practicality knows this is not the case.

Failure quickly ensures for people who take this approach. I see many "slaves", as an example, who proclaim on websites that they are looking for a Master "to take care of them". Certainly, any true Master knows this is par for the course. However, the slaves in question believe that being taken care of equates to a complete lack of responsibility. Any slave who feels he or she does not have to behave in a responsible manner or that feels everything will be removed from him/her are of no use to anyone. A good slave has many responsibilities that are assigned to her. Therefore, to conclude that the life of a slave is without onus are setting themselves for a harsh reality check.

Pragmatic Versus Fantasy

Part of being adult is being pragmatic about things. Certainly, it is a healthy exercise to dream, set goals, plan for the future, and, yes, even fantasize. However, these have to be balanced with a pragmatic outlook. Life is not lived solely in compliance with emotions nor does logic total rule. There needs to be a blending of the two to succeed.

We see those who arrive at sites online with the fairy tale outlook upon life. To start, they are thrilled to have found something that strikes a deep cord within them. I can appreciate this. I equate this initial realization to the feeling of finally coming home. My personal story attests to this. Nevertheless, the nirvana does not end there. Suddenly this individual "meets" someone online and, thus, begins the whirlwind love affair. Our new person goes from being excited to completely illogical in a matter of a few days. This is where we see the posts proclaiming love for the Master or slave forever.

In most cases this is purely fantasy and we usually see things peter out in a matter of a few weeks. In most instances, the truth does eventually emerge; the other individual was not exactly the person he or she proclaimed to be. This is commonplace. Anyone who looks at things pragmatically understands this and exercises a degree of caution. Only a child runs out into traffic without looking. Adults knows that a certain amount of investigation and relationship building is necessary before proclamations can be made. Over time, wonderful relationships can emerge that start online, but they take time and effort to develop. They also require the use of traditional modes of communication such as the telephone and in person visits. Without these, one is "falling in love" with words on a screen. Who knows if they are even real.

18 and Over

The final piece that I want to touch upon is the fact that we deal in a lifestyle that is adult in nature. Many people seem to miss this point. Instead, they behave in a manner that is befitting the bingo parlor. The fact is we are adults and discuss issues that are not meant for immature ears.

I am always amazed at how easily people are offended. The BDSM world, especially online, can have a bit of the wild west feel to it. In other words, almost anything goes. There are many different outlooks upon life and the lifestyle, thus increasing the chance you will encounter those who do not agree with your views. In addition, many people focus their attention upon sexual issues, oftentimes in great detail. If words such as cock, cunt, pussy, and ass offend you, perhaps heading back to match.com is a good move for you. Many sites require that you click that you are at least 18 years of age since the topics are adult oriented.

Another aspect to the Puritan outlook we often see pertains to sex itself. I am equally astonished how uptight some people are even when claiming to be in this lifestyle. There are many different aspects to BDSM and there will be some things that arent for you. However, just because it is not your flavor, that does not mean it is disgusting or perverted. That is the mentality that many of us are trying to get away from. Judgments, while always present, are to be kept to a minimum. There are people you will encounter who are into things you can only imagine. Every walk of life is represented in BDSM and some people live in completely outrageous manners. That is their business. If you dont want to have sex with a roomful of people, that is your choice. Nevertheless, be adult when dealing with someone who does (or did) and leave your ideals at the door. It is their life just as you have yours.

In closing, try to approach how we live in befitting of an adult. This is not Romper Room even those many of us does have a room full of toys.

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locales de intercambio on October 29, 2011 at 12:04 AM said...

I agree on your idea. Most people that do BDSM impose an abysmal behavior.

Christina on December 10, 2011 at 9:03 AM said...

Ive been away from reading blogs about D/s until sometime latter part of November when I ventured into a Submissive Reflections chatroom on AOL!

I use to read your viewpoints from 2006 to January of 2009 and thought your explanation of the lifestyle known as BDSM was worthwhile!!

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