August 6, 2011

Know Your Limitations

Knowing your limitations is a helpful concept no matter what walk of life one chooses. However, it seems to me that many on the dominant side of the BDSM world have not grasped this concept. Instead, they believe they can handle everything and present a 'complete package' to the world. This is not true.

The Human Condition

The human condition is something that cannot be escaped. No matter what one tries to do, at the end of the day, he or she is still human. Of course, this can present problems if one is putting forth the notion that he or she is infallible. Mistakes are a part of this equation and people need to own up to that fact. Too often, either the dominant and/or a submissive, will put that person on a pedestal. This is a situation which only establishes a downfall.

At the same time, we are all limited in some capacity. To start, human beings have to deal with the element of time. This means that one can focus upon whatever he or she selects. However, it is impossible to concentrate one's attention on everything. Like the old saying, you can have anything you want, you just cant have everything. We have to make choices based upon personal priorities about which we deem important.

Therefore, the idea that we are perfect or adept in every area is misleading. The online world makes it easier to present this image since the realities of life are often masked. Being 'virtual' enables one to smooth the rough spots by hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet. Ultimately, if something is going to progress, the truth needs to be revealed. Perhaps this is why so many opt to remain in the online domain.

Honest Appraisal

For one to be able to learn what limitations exist, first it is crucial that one have the ability to honestly assess the situation. This is where problems can arise. Often, as human beings, we have a slanted opinion of ourselves. What this means is that many lack the ability to be honest with themselves. Instead, they will 'soften' the truth. It is not uncommon for one to state "I am late once in a while" when, in fact, he or she is always tardy. The point is that we routinely need the outside assistance of others to get an accurate assessment of ourselves.

Of course, there are many glaring defects which the individual might be aware of right off the bat. For example, it might be evident that a person suffers from procrastination. In fact, this person might beat him or herself up repeatedly about the inability to overcome this issue. Either way, the truth needs to be uncovered.

Routine self-appraisal is something that I see lacking about the online BDSM world especially among the dominant ones. These are individuals who seem to believe they have it all together. It is apparent in the way they handle themselves. Oh the bravado. Sadly, this is all it is. Anyone who claims to be on this level is truly delusional.

This weekend was a reminder of my limitations. I will stray outside the BDSM environment to mention something on a personal note. My daughter graced us with a visit after some months of being absent. While on decent terms, this is a relationship which saw me as the absent parent. This has left me ill-equipped to deal with the circumstances that come with a teenager. In other words, my parenting skills are lacking a bit.

My point here is that I had to own up to the fact that I have limitations in this arena. Since I have no practical experience in dealing with a creature of this nature (and I am starting to question whether the teen years allow one to exist as part of the human condition), I had to invite the assistance of another. Fortunately, my slave went through life with a teenage girl so she has greater understanding (and patience) for what they bring. This is an occasion where I admitted my limitations.

This concept applies to all aspects of our lives. Too often, we try to do too much. This is especially true of those who are really driven. Motivation is a wonderful thing, yet it can cause one to be overwhelm. Being able to own up to the fact that one reached a limit is a healthy exercise. Those who pretend the opposite is true are dangerous people. They are the ones who tend to overstep the bounds and that is where people can get hurt. This is true either for him/herself or another in that person's care. Safety often ceases to be an ability with a person of this ilk. Keep that in mind.

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