Societal Lies: Domination

BDSM involves power exchange relationships of some type. This is the essence of the Domination/Submission part of the acronym BDSM. However, these are two qualities that society doesn't necessarily promote.

Domination-Not Overtly

Society seems to preach domination. It talks about being in control and taking charge. In the business world, we are taught to forge ahead while making the company more profitable. The wealthy are glamorized on television and in magazines. We follow the lives of Lindsey Lohan, Brad Pitt, Donald Trump, etc... This is a part of Americana that we cherish.

However, society actually degrades these people in a not so overt manner. We are taught that the rich take advantage of people and the wealthy are mean and arrogant. People like Donald Trump are equally pounded for having an oversized ego as for the deals he puts together.

At the same time, the male species was 'wussified' by the ever evolving sentimental mindset. Aggressive behavior is no longer an admired trait but one that gets a person entered into counseling. Men were taught to be sensitive; that it is okay to cry. They were taught to get in tough with their 'feminine' side so as to be mindful of feelings. The hard, coarse Marlboro Man was replaced with the Metrosexual.

In short, society is promoting its equality concept. A strong man being in charge is underhandedly slapped down. The elite write papers and books describing how destructive the animal instinct is in mankind. One who acts in an authoritative manner is found to be mean and insensitive. At the same time women were shown how to assert themselves more. It's no longer a 'man's' world. Instead, the battle of the sexes forged a new interaction with each genders roles changing.

Masters/Doms

Most Masters/Doms do not have what it takes to control and dominate. The natural instinct that was within each of these individual's was stamped out of them by society. Few are skilled at the art of making decisions, providing leadership, and taking control in risky situations. Instead, most excel at the fine art of procrastination, indecision, and indifference. This makes one a good slave in society's eyes (its goal) but an awful person to be in charge of a D/s relationship.

Those who succeed in power exchange relationships do not buy into the lies of society. One needs to know in his heart that it is perfectly acceptable to choose a life of domination. Since that is what is within one naturally, it is an easy transition to make...if one is willing to engage in the proper mindset. And that is where most fall down.

Domination is not something that can be faked. A submissive who is seeking someone to assume control will not submit to one who lacks the skills to uphold her. While some will impress a new one in the immediate term, the truth is that long term domination requires the skills I mentioned previously. Self discipline, another factor rarely talked about in the victimization world, is another component that will enable one to follow. However, as can be guessed, most lack this ability which negates their domination.

Masters/Doms need to continually have the mindset of excellence. The idea that one is moving towards elite status is what separates him from the masses. And separation from all the other noise is required to get (and keep) the attention of a true submissive. Excellence should always be on the mind of a dominant one. He is not one to settle. Everything around him is subject to his control. This is contrary to what society promotes but is basic for success in the D/s world.

So once again, excelling in the BDSM world requires one to shed the mindset that society promotes and not buy into its lies. Domination is just example of how many are ill prepared to live this lifestyle. It necessitates a total transformation in one's thinking.

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Isolation

This is a tactic that is universal across the online spectrum and used as a means to control a sub/slave by one who is otherwise unable to do so.

Isolating a sub/slave is a tactic the pretenders use consistently in an effort to keep their lies and misinformation alive. The truth is these people prey upon newcomers in an effort to get what they want. At a minimum they are annoying...at a maximum they are dangerous. Do not allow yourself to be placed in a situation like this.

Fear of Someone Taking Her

Often the reason for this tactic (cited) is because there are so many trollers who will hit upon her that I need to protect her from them (yeah and who is protecting her from you). Of course, what our virtuous doesnt realize is that she somehow managed to navigate things before he came into the picture. The truth is that a person of this ilk is actually insecure and afraid someone real will steal her away. This is the pretenders worst nightmare.

Lies are an interesting concept to analyze. As we weave them, they get deeper and more complex. Remembering them is difficult. Thus, the best way to maintain the deception is to isolate one from any source of knowledge. Mankind has done this for centuries. Ever noticed how the illiterate are ones who tend to be further behind everyone else ? Reading was/is a method that allows one to prevent another from seeking knowledge. Isolation is another method.

The truth is that no real dom is concerned about a sub being taken. If one's relationship is real, there is no reason to go to this length. I have a live in slave who is allowed to speak with whomever she chooses in open forums. Does this bother me or make me think that she will suddenly be swept away by someone else? Of course not. Nobody is going to succeed in that area as long as I maintain my domination and control in the proper manner. This is what a dominant does.

Our fearful, albeit virtuous dom doesnt have this confidence. The reason is because he knows deep down he is a farce. In other words, he has nothing real to offer. Over the years I saw so many of these dimwits it makes my head spin. Yet they all do the same thing. Isolation is a practice that is not done for the protection of the sub/slave but, rather, for the lies and deception of the pretender.

Danger

Anyone who agrees to this is a complete fool. People who think like this are dangerous. The BDSM world is wrought with peril simply because of the lifestyle we lead. Many of the activities that we are involved in require specialized knowledge. There are many things which need to be done only with expert supervision. A new person trying these things out is downright horrific. Tragedy can strike at any time.

The online world is wrought with scams, lies, and deception. It is the nature of this medium since anonymity is so easy to maintain. I cannot tell you how many people I interacted with who mentioned the idea of moving themselves (and kids) to a Master they knew nothing about. When questioned, the response is often 'Master doesnt take questions from slaves'. Hello. Get the hell out then. How can any sane person expect to formulate a relationship in such a manner?

Knowledge is key. People come to this lifestyle knowing very little about it. There are many preconceived ideas most of which are wrong. Then, our sweet little subbie compounds the issue by getting involved with someone in under 2 weeks. Hence we have a naive mind able to be coaxed by the pretenders. There are a number of sites which are full of kiddie doms and comic book masters. They pounce on every new person as soon as the profile goes up.

When dealing with these fools, the best thing that can happen is for some emotional trauma to take place. Many get suckered into believing what they have is 'real' when it is nothing more than misleading lies. Ultimately, in many instances, since these people were playing online games, the person is crushed to realize he or she was taken. However, if that is the extent of the damage, then all is well. Sadly, this isnt always the case.

Meeting one of these people in person ups the stakes considerably. This is where the real danger comes in. Unfortunately, since our person is new and extremely naive (in addition to being woefully in love), she wasnt aware of the proper means to protect herself. Hence she is at the mercy of someone who might not have her best interest at heart.

Without going any further down that path, I will state the best way to protect yourself is to avoid this situation totally. If you are talking to someone and he tells you that you are not to talk to other Doms/Masters, tell him to screw off. I mean it. Run for the hills. Get out of Dodge. Move on Batman. Forget all the feelings you have and the 'need' to serve him. This is a person who is not worthy nor capable of taking your submission. I can promise you, the odds are not in your favor. Pretender tactic 101 is a sure sign that this is a person to avoid. In the long run, you will save yourself a lot of heartache and perhaps a lot more. DO NOT TAKE THESE WORDS LIGHTLY.

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Society's Lies

Society is totally and completely full of shit. Everything you were taught is most likely a lie. All your training was done to simply make you a non-consensual slave. This is the plight that the masses suffer. Few, in a 'civilized' society amount to much more than that. The land of the free is an illusion for children.

It Doesn't Work

Why do I make these harsh statements? Simply because they are true. And the reason why I can state this so emphatically is because what society teaches does not work for the majority of the people. The general populous is chasing a pipedream which, if achieved, is untrue.

Think about some of the lessons you heard. Try this one on for size:

Go to school, get a good job, meet the right girl, get married, and live happily ever after.

Okay, where do I start with this mess. In the United States, at this moment, unemployment is hovering around 10% (officially-the unofficial number is really closer to 18%). That means there are a whole lot of people who went to school who are having trouble getting a good job. Thus, happily ever after is going to have to wait a while.

At the same time, we know the divorce rate is close to 60%. That means 6 in 10 marriages fail. While I will grant there are many 'repeat offenders' who can skew the numbers, there are also ones such as myself who never married. Ergo, we have another piece of the equation that is out the window. Getting married is not necessarily the path to happiness.

Madison Avenue

Of course, the above is just one example of how we are misled. Look at the propaganda put forth by Madison Avenue. Almost every commercial simply lies to you in some form. The basic tenet of most ads is that 'you need this product'. Well, I can emphatically tell you that you do not. The truth is that you will be okay even if you do not have that exotic automobile. You can get laid without spending huge sums on designer perfumes and cologne. Whatever they are selling you do not need.

The reason why they are effective is because people lack the esteem to make their own choices. Here is where we also see society's lies in action. What percentage of the population has a high enough level of esteem to be able to make choices for themselves? I would say a very small percentage. Most follow like blind seals; rarely questioning anything. The advertisers, religious zealots, and political figures all use this to their advantage. They know the masses are asleep.

Your Life

One of the grandest lies is that you exist for someone else (unless you choose that route). This outlook is deemed selfish by society which is a sure sign of conditioning. The fact is that your life is yours. You are free to spend your time on this planet as you see fit. If there is a particular path that you would like to follow, it is up to you to do that. However, those who supposedly love us will cast their judging eyes upon us. This is something that only a few can tolerate.

Our society is made up of a bunch of 'people pleasers'. It is a conglomerate of weak people who are lead around by those with the foresight and power to take control. Thoreau was correct in his assessment that most live 'lives of quiet desperation'. The need to be liked, fit in, or feel love is so great that we will do anything to please those around us. We lose the ability to say 'no' to the whims of others which means we are saying 'no' to life. Whenever our choices are unknowingly made in this manner, then we are slaves. This is not something that is consciously known, thus, being non-consent. History shows this is nothing new.

The Awakened Are Free

Those who wake up to the lies are free to live. The other day I wrote a post that dealt with the freedom of bdsm. Those who consciously choose the BDSM lifestyle are free for a simply reason: they broke from the mindset that society implemented and forged a direction based upon a decision they made. These people are no longer asleep.

BDSM is about truth. It is a way of life that allows one to select something that is not in the mainstream but will provide the happiness and fulfillment (an often overlooked quality in life) that many are seeking. Is this a path for everyone? Certainly not. However, for those who find they do not fit into the general equation that society presents, perhaps this is something to pursue.

I found that BDSM is not about living a lie but about living. It starts with respecting the concept that one is free to choose how her or she opts to structure life. While many will cast a negative opinion about one serving in the capacity of a slave, the fact is that if this is what makes one whole inside, then it is a perfectly acceptable choice. When one wants to live in such a manner, who are we to try and deter that person.

Individuals awaken before the masses. Throughout history we see individuals who took a stand against the mainstream mindset. Rosa Parks is one who comes to mind. Society is the one that planted bigoted beliefs in people's minds. Generations were taught to hate coloreds. They were also show how homosexuality was despicable. And, today, we see the same powers show their followers how 'infidels' need to be eliminated. Dogma can come from anywhere and blind adherence is, historically, the path to slavery.

Remember all the lies society told throughout the ages the next time you are confronted with an implanted belief. The odds are that it doesnt work in your life. Awaken and choose your own path.

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Domination: Not Something You Fake

What does it mean to be dominant? We often hear this term but have you ever considered what it really means? How does one recognize domination? What are the qualities? Many of these questions cannot be answered yet we all understand what is meant by the term. And, we also can identify it when we see it.

Taking The Lead

In its simplest form, being dominant means 'taking the lead'. This is a phrase that will encompass all behavior of a dominant on. That person will not wait for approval or direction. Instead, the person chooses the path which he or she will follow. When you couple this with another when involved in a BDSM relationship, the result is the path both individuals will follow.

One component that is critical in this scenario is the ability to make a decision. You would be surprised how many people cannot do this. Instead, they excel at the art of 'waffling'. Whenever a person of this ilk is confronted with a choice, he or she hesitates to decide. Fear of making the wrong decision is the usual motivator in this situation. Of course, by not making a decision, one is actually making it. No decision is a decision.

Therefore, for one to be dominant, he or she must be decisive. Decisions need to be made quickly and with conviction. Personal development experts claim that the best leaders make their decisions quickly and are slow to change them. This means once they decide, it is full tilt forward. Confidence in oneself is imperative. While the fact is that bad decisions are made by everyone, a leader takes into account that he or she will be right more often than not.

Faking It

Many try to fake this part of the process. As opposed to making a decision, many newer people will waffle. This is a sure sign that someone isn't quite skilled as a dominant. Anyone who enters this lifestyle while suffering the perilous trait of mental inertia is doomed to fail as a dominant. The responsibility will ultimately crush a person like this.

The only way to better oneself is to practice making decisions. Procrastination needs to be recognized as the enemy. Those who major in that characteristics also champion the idea of nothing. They will not make a decision to save their life. Instead of choosing this route, opt to decide on every matter before you quickly. Here is where we develop the ability to live decisively.

A submissive type is looking for someone with the qualities that he or she is seeking. Decisiveness is one of those that almost all need to witness. This is how a dominant can built trust. Deciding quickly and emphatically will enlarge a submissive's view. He or she will follow behind when that decisiveness is proven to be a consistent quality. Whenever a dominant one is lacking this, the submissive is left with nothing to do but wait. He or she is there to follow. Without direction, there is stagnation for both.

Newer people try to fake this. Certainly, it is helpful to make decisions immediately when dealing with a new relationship. However, this is something that needs to continue over time. As mentioned, often people are in the habit of being inert. Society doesnt promote decisiveness as a trait for people to develop. The net result is most fail in this endeavor from a lack of effort. Now, when one attempts to fake it, he or she will soon realize the ability is not there. Inconsistency is another sign that someone is not what is proclaimed.

Resolve today to be decisive in all that you do. Whenever you are confronted with a decision, make it. Here is an exercise I often do when I find that I allow inertia to creep into my life. Take out a piece of paper and write down the next 5 things you are going to do. Thing about it for a few seconds then write the items down. Next, go complete those items. This little exercise will help you with you decision-making ability. Do it and do not second guess what is on the paper. Simply resolve to get it done. This is decisive behavior, a skill that your BDSM relationship depends upon.

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