Society's Acceptance

In case you missed it, society is not exactly accepting of people leading alternative lifestyles. The basic premise of that people should follow the existing dogma. Obedience is what is desired. Your personal happiness is not relevant to the majority of the population. Everyone has an agenda. It is crucial that we all remember that.

Our Loved Ones: The Worst

It is sad but usually the strongest opinions come from those who are closest to us. Most will proclaim they 'only want us to be happy'. However, I challenge you to do something that goes against their beliefs and you will see what the real meaning of this is. What people often are saying is 'I want you to be happy as long as you are doing what I believe you should be doing'.

This theory is tested regularly by teenagers all over the world. However, they are not the only ones who need to be spitting in the face of conventional wisdom. Sadly, there is always an agenda and it is meant to control you. Look at the religious bodies; many of them are intent on pushing their ideas upon you. Parents have a similar outlook; most parents are intolerant of alternative choices of an offspring. This is reality and to deny it is foolhardy.

BDSM: One Path to Freedom

To me, BDSM is about freedom. Any time a person makes a choice that goes against the traditional model, that person is exercising an option to live as he or she sees fit. This is what freedom means. Slavery is living according to how others decide. This is not what mankind was meant to do. I believe that our internal fibers seek to live in accordance to what is within us.

Understanding that most of society behaves like obedient slaves is paramount to comprehending what occurs. To start, many are jealous of someone living in a way that makes them happy. There are so many people who are miserable and find it easier to rip someone else down as opposed to improving their lives. These people share the same blood line with us in many instances. This means their own happiness is transferred to us if allowed.

BDSM is a private affair. This may seem strange when posting on a public forum. However, the truth is that people should keep their private affairs to themselves. It is no one's business how you choose to structure your relationship. Many enter this way of life and want to tell everyone what they found. This is a bad move. Most seem to find an unexpected backlash. It is your freedom that is important. Allow others to live as they see fit. Concentrate your efforts upon your own life. This is what BDSM is all about.

Courage

It takes courage to search out and find what makes you happy. It also requires tremendous strength to follow that path once you find it. BDSM is not something for those who are weak. Many seem to believe that people who live this way, especially submissives, do so out of weakness. This is incorrect. While many will enter this life from that place, those who succeed are not weak. Strength is evident in every true sub/slave I ever met. Simple consider the potential backlash from loved ones to decide how easy a choice it is. Many have to make extremely tough decisions and leave situations that are fairly comfortable. Courage is their only ally in many instances.

Society knows that it is not easy to face these decisions. Every step of the way, it uses guilt to tear down one's confidence. When one's self esteem is low enough, then it is simple to control that person. And this is exactly what society does. Those who fear being pointed out as different blindly obey whatever dogma is handed to them. Few ever question what those beliefs are. Instead, they simply accept it as true and follow that path. Individuality is erased and replaced. One is nothing more than a conformist.

Therefore, to excel in the BDSM lifestyle, one needs to be an individual. Conforming to a set of beliefs that are never questioned is not what we are about. Each of us needs to take a path that makes sense in our own minds. To do this we risk being ostracized by those who we love. Nevertheless, it is what is often required for us to find our own happiness and fulfillment.

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Slavery

I will start by stating that this post is going to tick some people off.  However, it is something I feel moved to write after encountering a few people who struck me as real.  They were the types who we all seek out when we enter this lifestyle.  Nevertheless, these people were experiencing the same frustration as most because of all the pretenders.

Slavery

Slavery is extreme!

This is something that is non-negotiable in my opinion.  Too many try to water down the concept to fit a variety of lifestyle choices.  To me, this is not what it is all about.  I see so many who want to remove the idea of Total Power Exchange (TPE) from the equation.  They want to term themselves "slaves" while retaining power over choices in life.  This is not what it is all about.

A slave is someone who opts to give all up to another.  It is that simple.  I do not know why such a basic idea got turned upside down.  But it did.  Somewhere along the way, people decided that this was going to be an all-encompassing term.  I disagree with this sentiment.

The choice of being a slave is something that only a few can actually live up to.  It is extreme in the sense of how one agrees to live his or her life.  I can attest that it is not for the weak.  It takes great strength, courage, and knowledge to be able to completely turn oneself over to another.  Those that do it deserve the utmost of respect.  At the same time, their lot in life should not be degraded by all those who want to "play slave".

Property

Anyone who opts to live as a slave is agreeing to be seen as property.  That is what a slave is.  It is one that is owned and used as the one in possession sees fit.  This is another idea that has been diluted over the years.  There are no rules when it comes to how one uses a particular item that is owned by him or her.

My sofa is a prime example.  I am free to do whatever I wish to is since I own it.  I can piss on it if I see fit.  Sleeping on it naked is my choice.  Masturbating and covering it with cumstains is an option I hold.  And, nobody else can say anything about how I use my sofa.  There is no right or wrong way for me to treat my possession.

A slave is the same way.  Anyone who truly wants to live this aspect oft he lifestyle should remember the extreme nature of this idea.  When one submits to another, he or she is agreeing to be on the same plane as anything else that particular Master owns.  Property is picked up and used based upon the desire of the owner.

The "Cherished" Slave

I cannot tell you how many I ran into who have the desire to be "cherished".  This is an idea that seems common among the Gorean types.  They are led to believe that their service and submission is something that a Master should hold in high regard.  In my opinion, this is nothing more than an attempt to put themselves on an ego-driven pedestal.  It is a method for him or her to dictate the treatment that will be received.

Here is a secret: the treatment received in a M/s relationship is solely at the discretion of the one in charge.  Just like I can do whatever I want to my sofa, the same holds true for my slave.  I treat that person with respect, indignation, or contempt.  All decisions reside with me and my concern is not how she will receive them.  Her service is a value to me and I get results that I like, but she is no more cherished than some of the other items that I own.

Thoughts/Feelings

This is something else that goes against our basic social conditioning.  A slave's thoughts or feelings are mostly irrelevant except when asked for.  There are times when I value my slave's input.  However, as for the way she receives the decisions that I make, that is a consideration that is not needed on my part.  She agreed to this when she submitted to me.

Again, this is another example of the extreme nature of this aspect of the lifestyle.  A slave is used for the benefit of the Master.  How he or she perceives the situation is immaterial.  They often get upset at the decisions that are made.  That is a part of the lifestyle.  Feelings are not facts and the central fact is that when one is owned, he or she is treated accordingly.

Harshness

The Master/slave dichotomy is a harsh one.  There are many times when a slave will be treated with respect.  However, there are others when she is on the end of a whim of the Master.  This could come in any for including anger, sexual, sadistic, and neurotic.  A Master might show compassion one minute while telling her to clean out the garage the next. 

This is a 24/7 way of life.  There are no holidays or days off.  One cannot earn vacation time.  A slave is expected to be on call every minute of everyday.  She forfeits the choice of establishing her own schedule or maintaining her friends.  All is given is only done so with the approval of the Master.  A slave cannot earn anything.  It is all granted to her by another.

I will tell you this way of life is too harsh for most.  They cannot handle the one-sidedness of all interaction.  Service is something that few actually consider and how literally the meaning is taken.  When you are in my service, you are completely under my domain.  I will utilize you how I see fit.  Most cannot handle this yet this is what being a slave is all about.  Sadly, those who are presently living this way are being disgraced by all the frauds online who simply sign up for a site and call themselves "slave".  

Remember this idea the next time you encounter someone who claims they are seeking to live 24/7 as a slave.  The odds are they are not equipped to live in this manner.  Only a small percentage have what it takes.

Next, I will write a post about what it takes to truly live as a Master. You will not be surprised to know that most who profess to be Masters are not.

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Being a sub

There are many who seem to confuse being a sub versus being a slave. In my book, An Owned Life, I spend considerable time detailing the differences between the two. For those who read this, the confusion quickly ends.

That being said, there are some in this lifestyle who seem to demean the position of subs. This comes not only from dominant types but also those who choose to go the slave route. For whatever reason, many believe that a sub is not as good as a slave. It is as if they are considered "submissive light". Nothing could be further from the truth.

A sub has nothing to be ashamed of. If he or she is simply following an inner inclination, then that is fulfilling a personal trait. Someone is not "less than" just because he or she is not cut out for 24/7 slavery. There are only a select few who truly can live this lifestyle in that manner. My experience is that most tend to fall under the sub category.

There is nothing wrong with one choosing to be a sub. Many want to retain control over certain areas of their lives. If this is natural for him or her, then it is most likely the right choice for that person. Trying to move further out into submission will not work. We would again encounter the square peg in the round hole situation.

Remember this idea the next time you are tempted to demean someone online who claims to be a sub. There are many different facets of the BDSM lifestyle. To ridicule anyone because they choose to live a different way is intolerable. This way of life is all about freedom. Those who choose to live differently are exercising that freedom and ought to be commended.

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Detecting Pretenders

Online is full of people who claim to be something they are not. This is no truer than in the M/s lifestyle. Travel through some of the different chat rooms and you will encounter numerous Masters and slaves. The sad truth, based upon my experiences, the vast percentage of them are fakes. They are playing games while the spouse is upstairs sleeping. Therefore, I put together a few tidbits that might help one to determine who is real.

1. Presume they are fake:

The greatest percentage are. Approach all with hesitation. Take what they say with a grain of salt (it isnt worth more than that). Make that person prove to you that he or she knows what is being talked about. Check anything they say with other reliable sources. Information off different websites as in the input of on here. Regardless, make sure what that person is saying is true about the lifestyle.

2. Get the information:

If you are interested in getting involved with someone, make sure you get his or her personal information. Would you accept a proposal for marriage without having that person's home phone number or address? Obviously not. They why would you consider submitting to someone without this same information?

I hear that a slave has no right to ask for this information. Horseshit. She does so. If someone is unwilling to provide it then tell him or her to go fly a kite. Or give that person my email and I will tell them what I think. Most fakes hate to encounter someone who lives the life in real time.

3. Use common sense:

Common sense will go a long way to saving you heartache and assache. We all gain interpersonal skills as we age. All the relationships we have from the time we are toddlers teach us how to interact with others. Thus, we gain some intuition as to what is sensible and what is not. Do not think that because you entered the world of M/s that you suddenly entered the twilight zone. The same rules apply to this as any other relationship. The main difference is the breakdown of power. That is it. Everything else comes down to basic interpersonal skills.

4. Move to human interaction:

Online is an effective way to start interacting with people. However, without human contact that person is just characters on a screen. They are not real. Virtual communication is devoid of human contact. It is only through the other mediums that we can truly get to know someone else.

I always move from online to phone communication. This personalizes the interaction. Hearing a voice allows you to hear what that person is feeling. Also, you can crossreference some of what you were told. If he said he is not married and has no children yet you hear an infant screaming in the background, you have cause to question. Of course, you cannot garner this information by just chatting.

The best way to interact is face-to-face. Try to push for in person meeting. I had slaves fly down to me and spend a week. They were able to see for themselves that I was real. Even though I believe their visit was sexually motivated, it was a real time interaction that is not possible without being in the zip code.

5. Ask for references:

What is this a job interview? No but it as equally important. You want to know his or her experience. When it comes to dominating someone, experience is crucial. There are so many ways to phsycially, mentally, and psychologically harm another, that taking another's life in your hands is a big responsibility. Giving this power to a know-nothing type is not to your benefit. You want to know who he or she dealt with in the past. Get a name and a number and simply find out if this person is for real or not.

6. Go slow:

The M/s relationship is a relationship. All relationships take time and this is no different. Just because someone says that you have to move at a certain speed because he or she is in control of you, that is not necessarily so. A true Master takes the time to learn the limits that a slave has. It is only then that he or she can properly assist in that person's growth.

These are just a few ideas that might help you when dealing with people online. Be careful with who you interact with. I have no idea their credentials. Do you?

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Fearing a Master

Fear is a powerful weapon. A study of history shows that many people and institutions use fear as a form of control. Many believe this is what religion does to ensure the obedience of it's followers. What better way to manipulate behavior then to threaten eternal damnation. At the same time, Stalin and other leaders use the threat of beatings or death to maintain control over entire countries. When the fear is great enough, people will do just about anything they are told.

Fear is something that is within each person. We all experience on a regular basis. There is not a single person walking the planet who doesn't feel this emotion. Those who claim to have no fear are usually the ones who are scared the most. They allow their ego to hide what is really inside of them.

In the BDSM world, many believe that fear is a tactic which should be employed with a sub/slave. This is incorrect in my estimation. Any relationship that is based upon fear will end.

This concept gets increased the further along one proceeds in the BDSM way of life. Those who are involved in M/s know how easy it is to turn one's submission into a fear-based existence. Some think that it is their place to instill fear in the one submitting. This shows a lack of character and control on the part of the Dom/Master. A sub/slave need not be afraid for her to be effective.

I wrote about this subject in my book An Owned Life. Those who use fear as a method of control show their inability to properly maintain a relationship. The problem with fear is that it requires some type of physical presence to be most effective. When the person who is feared leaves, the fear will diminish. This creates the situation where one is always looking for a means of escape. While I will grant this could take a long time, eventually it will happen. We see this in the traditional world where abuse occurs. At some point, the person will find a way out.

In addition, a fear-based relationship is not very healthy. In BDSM, there are certain things for a sub/slave to fear. Punishments for inappropriate action is an example. However, often the anticipation is worse than the activity. Also, a punishment is undertaken not to scare but, rather, to alter future behavior. It is no different then disciplining a child. You want the child to fear the punishment, not the parent.

BDSM is a wonderful way of life for those who take the time to learn what it is all about. The need to fulfill an inner desire is within all of us. Speaking from a Dom/Master perspective, the thrist for control is not met by instilling fear in another. To me, this is being a bully. A much better approach is the power which is derived from her complete and total submission. This is a power that is more enduring then fear. It is derived from her desire to serve as opposed from her fear of being hurt.

Remember this tidbit the next time you are tempting to try to intimidate another. It will often backfire on you.

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Poly versus multiple Slaves

Poly or multi-slave owner? This is something that I rarely seen mentioned yet has serious consequences in any relationship. Those who fail to look at the larger picture tend to encounter issues. This is true in life and certainly in the BDSM world.

Many think that because they have multiple subs/slaves, they are poly. According to the general definition, this might be correct. I can agree with this if there is a relationship between all parties. However, often, the more accurate situation is where one is involved with multiple people at the same time.

In my post, Poly is more than a word, I mentioned some of the pitfalls of living in a poly situation. Many believe they can handle the emotions that arise when existing under such conditions. Nevertheless, most find difficulty when they enter real time. This typically leads to conflict which often cannot be resolved. Some people simply cannot get along. This creates a fragmented situation where poly is replaced with multiple relationships. Each person interacts with the Dom/Master individually while maintaining a separation from the other(s).

My experience leads me to state this is commonplace. A true poly interaction where a "family" unit is established is rare. Personalities frequently get in the way of establishing such a structure. Fear and jealousy are powerful emotions. They cause people to behave in ways they normally would not.

Sabotage is quite common in multi-slave situations. People tend to enter the poly world believing there will be assistance and commonality with the others. Sadly, the proverbial catfights break out where each one vies for the Dom/Master's attention. Each has an agenda which will be superimposed into each relationship. In the end, fragmentation is the result.

Therefore, when entering into a situation like this, consider how all parties will get along. Conflict in the beginning might be a warning of things to come. Also, ponder the past experiences of each person involved. Those who were in "poly" relationships often have negative experiences. This might cause the defenses to instantly be erected. With time and patience these can be overcome. However, it will only happen if each person is committed to making it work. Two out of three is not enough.

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Slavery is 100% Power Exchange

As I surf the Internet, I am always amused with what is written about the BDSM lifestyle. In fact, there is so much misinformation out that I am amazed anyone can find the truth. The saddest part is that much of this information is written by people who claim to be in the lifestyle. From my perspective, they fail to grasp what this is all about.

Today I will focus upon the Master/slave relationship since it takes the power exchange to the extreme. Those who regularly read my blog know that this is not a lifestyle that is suited for everyone. In fact, I believe that it is the minority who were cut out for this way of life.

In my book, An Owned Life, I wrote how the power exchange is the most fundamental aspect of the relationship. It is the exchange of power which separates it from any other type of relationship.

In traditional relationships there is a somewhat equal exchange of power. Both parties are free to voice their opinions, wants, and concerns. Personalities might skew the power to one side or another, but the basic principle is in place.

This is different in the M/s world. Here the power exchange is total. It is a 100%-0% breakdown. All decisions and power is in the hands of the Master. The slave retains no control over any decisions unless so granted by the Master (or Mistress). Every area of one's life is under this fundamental concept.

Failure to adhere to this simple premise changes the dynamic of the relationship. Many people claim to be into M/s when in reality they are just submissive types. They are not slaves. This is evident in how they assert control over their Masters. They dictate what they will and will not do. WRONG!!! In M/s, the only dictating is from the Master.

Anyone who reads about the Gorean lifestyle will understand how the power breakdown is. That is an extreme example of how total and complete it is. Under Gorean, all actions of the slave are with the permission of the Master. She cannot even use the toilet unless so authorized by her Master. That is total power.

The same procedure holds true for sex, eating, friends, and sleeping arrangements. The slave has no choice in the matter. If her Master wants to use her as a sex toy in the middle of the night, she is not at liberty to say no. At the same time, it is also not her place to initiate the interaction unless so authorized by her Master. Her place is to wait until he instructs her what he wants done. This is what M/s is all about.

Some say that I am to rigid in my views. Well, my answer to that is that the lifestyle has not changed since it was first introduced many centuries ago. Slavery is all about the exchange of power. That is it fundamental definition. Failure to have this as a basis means that one is not into M/s but, rather, a D/s relationship. While there is nothing wrong with D/s (one is not better than the other), to call it M/s is misleading. And those involved are not slave but subs.

Be mindful of this when reading the works of others. I do not write this as a means of demeaning those people. Most of them are kind and wonderful. However, when one is writing something that is misleading, I feel the need to try and clarify matters. M/s is an extreme relationship with little flexibility. If you want something more amicable, try D/s.

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A sub or a slave

There often is a great debate as to what is the difference between a slave and a sub. Many will aruge that they are both the same with no difference between the two. I surmise this is the minority viewpoint. However, it is one that is strongly held by those who have it. In my opinion, the two vary significantly.



A slave is one who engages in total powere exchange in all areas of his or her life. Through this exchange, the person is property of Master. No aspect of his/her life is off limits. This is known as being 24/7 within the lifestyle. A slave is owned 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Things such as holiday or vacation are non-existent. This particular method of the lifestyle is complete.



The other side of the equation is a sub. A slave is a sub while a sub is not necessarily a slave. Basically, a sub is one who is desires giving control over to another. He or she is a submissive person in a particular area. The most common area to see this play out is sexually. A sub is not necessarily submissive in all aspects of life. We often see men and women who are powerful in business become submissive sexually. It is how that person chooses to release.



A sub will often limit his or her submission. While engaging in a total power exchange in that areas, the power is limited only to that aspect. Also, the exchange can be temporary in nature. For example, a sub might be submissive to a Dom/Domme during a scene, it ends when that scene is over. A Dom/Domme could engage some erotic humiliation by calling the sub names during the play time. However, after they are done, they go back to an equal basis. It could be inappropriate for One to call a sub a slut or whore outside the bounds of the scene. This shows how there can be a limit to all that can occur within the realm of a sub.



It is best to think of a sub as one who maintains a degree of control over life. This is not true for a slave. He or she has nothing to say once the submission occurs. The main difference is the power exchanged.

The Reality Of The BDSM Lifestyle

Many think that the M/s relationship is the cure-all for whatever ails them. This really seems to be prevalent among those who’s experience is limited to online interaction. It is vitally important to remember that the M/s relationship is just another of the many relationships which people experience in life. It is a method in which like minded people interact.

Just because someone enters into this arena, it does not mean that life stops. The everyday situations which all people encounter still exists. We are not immune to life problems. There are circumstances which are unenviable that must be dealt with. Submitting to another (or receiving the submission) means that we have reconciled a certain aspect of out lives. Issues such as career, health, and family still must be handled accordingly.

I had a situation which exemplifies how this can occur. My last live in slave left me about a year ago. She was a faithful and dedicated submissive. We were both happy and fulfilled in the relationship. One day, she calls me at work to let me know she just received a phone call from back home. Her son was hospitalized with a serious life threatening condition. (Thankfully he made it through and is fine). The course of action which was evident to both of us. She returned to her hometown up north to tend to her family situation. Because of her ex-husband’s inability to deal with things, she was forced to remain to tend to her son.

As you can imagine, this radically changed our relationship. Looking back, there is absolutely no regret with how things transpired. Her place was tending to her offspring. At the time of her leaving, she was not released since she had the intention of returning. When it became apparent that she would not be, I set her free. I find it extremely difficult to have an online relationship after being 24/7 with someone. As important as the M/s relationship was to each of us, her family was a priority.

This example shows how the M/s relationship is susceptible to all the other life influences. I could have just as easily been her boyfriend, new husband, or some guy that she ran away with. Regardless, her course of action would have been the same. The fact that I was her Master did not alter what her priority was.

I am certain there are some who will question the level of commitment that we had to each other based upon how things worked out. There are some Masters who believe they are the only One who matters. Well, I am a believer that the M/s relationship exists in the larger context of life. Anyone with children has a responsibility to tend to them. For me, getting in the way of a woman acting on her maternal instinct is improper.

Also, the fact that she has not returned might be taken as a lack of commitment. Again, I will not impede her fulfilling a responsibility that existed long before I entered the picture. Time and distance make this relationship at a deep level impractical. With no end in sight to her commitment to her family, it is impossible to plan in the future. The reality is that outside issues affected this relationship.

The lesson here is that life still happens. Many brides (or grooms) feel that getting married will solve all their problems. We know that once the honeymoon ends, life hits. Applying the same logic to the M/s lifestyle will yield the same fruitless results.

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Unrealistic Expectations

Of late we have referred to some of the expectations that people have when entering a M/s relationship. It seems that many believe this type of relationship is the solution to all their problems. It is common to find a new person who is truly submissive (or dominant) take to this lifestyle immediately. Years of failure in traditional relationships left them with a void. Finding the M/s way of life is like a homecoming to them. They realize where they belong.

However, as we have mentioned on a number of occasions, life does happen. All that others need to deal with arise in our lives. While the M/s foundation affects all areas of our existence, it is not the only area where we operate in. Everyday responsibilities must be attended to. Failure to acknowledge this is setting oneself up for disappointment.

A great deal of what we experience in any situation is directly tied to the expectations we have entering it. What are your expectations with your M/s relationship? Do you believe this is the solution to all your problems? If so, you might want to reconsider that idea. The same problems that one enters into this lifestyle with will still be prevalent after submitting. Life issues continue to exist. This cannot be stressed enough.

Having someone else involved in your life can help you to overcome certain difficulties. By submitting, many of the decisions are taken away from you. This can be a blessing if one is bad at making decisions. Financial circumstances can change since there is someone else helping with the bills. However, just because one submitted does not necessarily mean that all problems go away. To expect this is completely out of touch with reality.

To have a successful M/s relationship, and to avoid future disappointment, it is necessary to enter with a realistic idea of what will happen. This lifestyle does not solve all of one’s problems. It is a way of living which allows us to be true to our nature. We develop a manner of interacting with another which is based in a methodology which works for us. It is understood that the person we are dealing with is human and will make mistakes. We resist the temptation to put him or her on a pedestal.

A M/s relationship can be one of the most fulfilling interactions one ever had. To be successful at it, there is a lot of effort required by both parties. Remember this when you suddenly realize that this lifestyle did not magically solve all your problems. In fact, different problems will arise because you entered this relationship. Accepting that as the reality will better prepare one to handle the unenviable situations when they arise.

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Poly Master

Many encounter the poly aspect of the BDSM only to find their surprise at the emotions which arise. As we wrote in other posts, jealousy is something that is best checked at the door. It matters little whether we are referring to a scene or to a long term relationship, the impact is still the same. Jealousy will destroy one if not both relationships.

There are a fair number of Doms/Masters who are involved with numerous people. This is a fact of the lifestyle that one needs to accept if she is to be happy. Failure to do so will result in her misery. When people first hear “poly” they immediately go to the sexual aspect. This is certainly a factor where this emotion needs to be dealt with. However, many encounter issues at greater depths. It is these issues which also crop up to hinder a relationship.

When One is involved with more than one person, His time is split as He sees fit. There is certainly the concept that He will be sexually involved with others. This is one of the areas where things are different than the non-poly situation. He also will divide His time among each in a way that best suits Him. How He decides to do this is not for a sub/slave to determine. Many fail to grasp the full meaning of this concept. If He chooses to have you sit at home while waiting for Him alone, then that is how it is to be.

The natural tendency is for one to want more. Unfortunately, it is not her place to insist upon this. Many will try to “Dom from the bottom” by acting like a spoiled brat. This will also have negative results with most Doms/Masters. They simply will not stand for it. If one cannot accept the terms of the lifestyle, it is best if she seek out something else. Perhaps a traditional model is a better fit for you.

Many will try to alleviate this entire situation by getting with One who is not poly. That might work in the short term. However, He always has the right to take on more in the future if He so chooses. Again, this is a reality of the lifestyle. Many cannot handle this type of situation. The jealousy bug is something that is too great to overcome. Sadly, I saw many who had to depart this way of life because of this single issue.

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Your Body Your Voice

Here is a story which was submitted by one of our readers. We decided to print it for your enjoyment.

Laying on top of the bed clothes… my body naked .. ripe… eager.. I am waiting.. just laying there,.. not touching myself.. not moving… my eyes closed as I listen to the sweet hypnotic tones of Your voice

Feel My breathe, warm on your body, feel it caress your skin as I move over you, slide above you, not touching but you know I am there, you can feel My presence as I glide My body close to yours, never touching you, never even a glancing brush against you.

Feel My lips My sweet one, feel them brush yours as I lean my head to touch your luscious lips, feel them touch you, feel them taste you as I deepen My kiss, open your mouth for Me, let me taste your sweet nectar as My tongue teases you, let Me drink from your mouth My love, taking your breath as I deepen My kiss.
Can you feel Me? Can you feel My body over yours, can you feel the heat from Me engulfing you as I move above you? I want your cum , I want you to cum for Me, I want your juices to flow when I command, I want you to beg Me for release, beg Me to please you, beg Me to grant your deepest wish, and this I will have.

My body aching as I listen to You, hearing Your words, moving slightly on the bed I feel my pussy weeping for You, the desire in me so strong, the need to touch so great, my fingers unbidden move to my wet, throbbing pussy, a brief passing touch as I gasp aloud.

NO….. YOU WILL NOT TOUCH….. LISTEN TO ME…. LAY STILL AND SILENT MY ONE AND LISTEN ONLY TO MY VOICE….
Hand moving to my side as I sigh, knowing that to touch is forbidden, wriggling on the bed more as I try to find comfort, the ache in me so strong, the need so great,

Open your legs for Me, open them wide, let Me come between them , let Me touch you with My tongue, let Me lick you, let Me taste your essence, let Me kiss your sweet clit and nibble on it, let me take it in My mouth and suck on it, feel Me take you in My mouth, feel Me cover you with My warm wet mouth as My tongue teases your hard nub, moan for Me, let Me know you feel Me pleasing you, feel Me making your body want more.

My hips lifting as I hear Your voice, my pussy throbbing for You, Your touch running over me, my eyes closed tight as Your voice invades my head, Your thoughts mine, Your desires mine, Your touch on my body so real, so gentle, so firm, my gasp the only sound as I feel Your mouth closing on me.

Feel My fingers stroking you, feel Them touching you, feel Them invading you as I slide them deep in you, curling Them as I move Them, My fingers moving inside you, slowly at first, them faster, deeper, lift your hips for Me, open wide for Me, grind for Me, beg Me to give you what you want, what you need.

My hips moving up, my legs opening wider, my desire clear on my face as You whisper to me, your voice so clear and strong in my head, so close, so strong in my thoughts as You talk, my body responding to just Your words, Your power of suggestion. The bed dipping as You settle by my head, leaning over me, talking all the while as I writhe on the bed, Your voice hypnotic, Your suggestions clear, Your words opening my mind to Your suggestions, Your movements, not touching me but in my head You are, in my head I feel Your fingers moving in me, in my head I feel Your mouth on me, I feel You.

Feel My mouth close on your hard nipples, feel Me biting softly on them, feel Me suck on them, feel Me close tight on them as I pull them from your body, feel My mouth and my tongue running over them as My fingers bring you closer and closer to release, move your hips, lift for Me, push against My hand, take My fingers deeper inside you, take My mouth harder on you as you arch your back for Me, needing My touch, needing My body to give you pleasure.

My head spinning as Your words echo in my ears, my body a mass of nerve endings as I writhe on the bed, unable to stop myself as You talk so softly to me, whispers caressing me as You tell me to listen to You, only You, always You.. stretching my arms above my head.. my back arching as I feel Your fingers. Tongue, breath, body covering me.. Touching but not touching, but pleasing, always pleasing. My moans growing in my throat as I beg, needing release, wanting release, begging You for the ultimate release.

Feel My mouth kissing you, feel My weight pressing you to the bed, feel Me moving My fingers deeper, faster, feel your pussy throbbing on My hand, feel My thumb on your clit, rubbing it, teasing it, pleasing it as I bring you to orgasm, can you feel it, can you taste Me on your lips, do you want Me to let you cum for Me, only Me, always Me?

My head moving side to side on my pillow, my breathe coming in gasps as I squeeze my eyes tight shut, the stars behind my lips dancing in time to the throbbing, pulsing of my body, hips lifting and lowering, my body not mine, my body Yours as I feel my orgasm, ohhh god, my orgasm, single tear escaping as I try to hold it back, shaking as I feel the power of my orgasm build, not sure if I can stop it, not wanting to stop it, need to release it, opening my mouth I scream ‘ Oohhhhh god please Sir,, oohh please I beg You, please please please ‘

‘CUM FOR ME NOW ‘You command.. ‘GIVE IT TO ME….. NOWWWWWW’

Body going into spasms as I cum hard,, stars shooting behind my lids as I feel the power of my orgasm running through me. Taking my body… invading my senses as I buck on the bed,, juices flowing as I pulse, throb, ache. The power, the feeling, the naked desire clear as I move on the bed, hands balling into fists as I ride it out, letting it take me, control me, giving in to it as I feel my ears flow down my face. What seems like years pass, my body calms, my breathing steadies as I finally open my eyes, turning my head I look at You, Your smile So Bright. So Strong. So Wonderful

Leaning close to me, Your lips brush against mine … ‘ Good Girl ‘ You whisper

Ego Deflation

There is lots written about the deflating of the ego within a sub/slave. It is common practice to focus upon her gaining the humility to properly serve her Dom/Master. However, one area that is often overlooked is the ego of the Dom/Master. Few speak of the importance of Him being humble in His approach to this lifestyle.

We have all seen the egoism taken to the extreme in the pretenders. They come around looking to dominate another without any clue about what this lifestyle is all about. The first thing they like to do is to tell how great they are. It seems that the opinions of others matters little to them. Their quest is to use and abuse. That is it.

At the same time, we see similar behavior from some Doms/Masters. These are the Ones who cannot be told anything. They feel that since they are the One in control, that they are always right. It is easy to spot these individuals: they are the Ones who allow no input from the sub/slave whatsoever. Her ideas are totally dismissed because of her position. That is a sign of One who’s ego is in full flight. Simply, He is out of control.

There is not a person walking this planet who is perfect. Also, no individual is right all the time. It is impossible to know everything there is to know about a particular subject; including this lifestyle. There is always something to learn. One who listens to others shows the humility necessary to improve Oneself. Therefore, ego deflation is vital to growth. Anyone who thinks that He knows has all the answers is just as dangerous as the pretender. There is an old saying: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

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Limits

I recently read something on line which peaked my interest. This particular individual believed that a slave had no limites; not if she was a true slave. This statement made me stand back and think. I was perplexed how someone could come to that conclusion. It made me re-evaluate what I believed on this matter.

Does a true slave have limits? Her desire is to serve her Master fully. Along the same lines, her place is to do whatever her Master desires. Once she submits, her life is no longer her own. With this reasoning, and up to this point, I can see how the above belief is correct.

However, there seems to be one fact that this individual was missing. A slaves place is to do whatever her Master desires if she is capable. This addition changes the situation a great deal. A slave might not be able to perform certain tasks. Of course, if it is something that she requires some training, then it might be an activity which she can learn. Yet, there are certain things that one might not be able to do no matter what her willingness. A Master needs to be aware of these.

Here are some examples slaves might have a tough time fulfilling if requested: dunking a basketball, performing brain surgery, rebuilding a car engine, solving mathematical equations, or translating an ancient text written in arabic. Even those her willingness might be complete, there are challenges which might not be overcome. Simply, the knowledge base isn’t there.

Here is another situation which is more applicable. Often a Master will ask a slave to perform some sexual activities which she is physically unable to do. An individual with a back issue comes to mind. Again, the person might have all the desire to do what her Master wants. However, physical limitations can exist. For a Master to push her past this is irresponsible and potentially dangerous. This is one of those situations where a Master needs to know to pull back.

So, a slave can and will have limitations. Even thought she exchange all her power, her trust is that her Master will act responsibly. One of the roles of a Master is to help her uncover her limits, try to push past them, and pull back when she cannot go further.

The Types Of subs/slaves

Here are the different types of slaves as seen through the eyes of a slave akittenone. This is from her blog.

The Window Shopping Slave/Sub

Likes the look of it but not sure if she really wants to buy into it, will try it on a few times but still remain undecided

The Part Time Slave/Sub

A common type of slave/sub, they like the idea, they even enjoy the excitement rush but when its over, they go back to their normal lives and mark this up to a fun time, most of the time these are found online with no real time experience

The ‘I can change You’ Slave/sub

These are ones who believe that this life is one that You are only in because You have not met her yet, the white picket fence type, who really believe that You will change Your life to be with her only, a vanilla type with a few kinks,, which will no doubt be tamed over time and You will end up a married person with lights off and flannel nightgowns when in bed .

The online Slave/Sub

This is a dangerous one, she will agree to anything, no matter how ridiculous as she knows its only for 10 minutes, when He is gone she lights a cigarette and paints nails, ignoring all she has been told to do, when next online she will tell Him she has done all she has been told to do

The No Limit Slave/Sub

There is actually no such thing as a no limit slave/sub,, if they say they are then they are either delusional or not been with a Master with imagination

The Perfect Slave/Sub

This is one who tells her Master/Dom what ever He wants to hear, no matter her true feelings, she pretends to Him that she is a perfect person and no matter what He says she is in total agreement with ,, she tends to tell her Master/Dom one thing then complain to others about what He has said

The Pretend Slave/Sub

This is a good one, she is what ever a Master/Dom desires,, she has no limits and she will do the most ridiculous task given, this type is to be found mainly online as in reality she is instant messaging with 6 other people while doing tasks set by her Master/Dom

The Book Slave/Sub

This is on who has read every book she could find, searched every web site going, lots of knowledge but no practical experience, she can talk the talk but has yet to walk the walk , but to hear her talk she is a mine of information and knows everything on how it SHOULD be

The Judas Slave/Sub

This can be a dangerous one, she pretends to be friends with you only to then cause trouble within a relationship, she is an innocent party in all trouble that then takes place, acting as if she has no knowledge of what has been going on

The Selfish Slave/Sub

This is one who loves to interrupt when she knows her Master is with another person, she interrupts and makes her presence known, not one to take a back seat in any decisions, she loves to be the focus at all times

The Ageless Slave/Sub

This is one who in her profile is 18 but on her birth certificate is 55,, enough said ,, again mainly an online slave/sub

The Real Time Slave/Sub

This is a slave/sub who is actually now or has been a real slave/sub, they know the way things are and respect the lifestyle we live

The Reality Of Real Time

Many come into this lifestyle by getting involved with someone online. The Internet has allowed for communication and interaction with others worldwide. A drawback to this wide communication network is that we have lost a lot of the one-on-one interaction. This is seen in the BDSM arena where people have “online relationships” which they mistake for being the real thing.

Let us start by saying that an online BDSM relationship is not the same as a “real/time” relationship. They are two completely different worlds. Too many mistakenly believe that the later will be the same as the online was. Sadly, this is not the truth. Online tends to glamorize the relationships. It is when one makes the switch to real/time that reality hits her squarely in the face. In this instance, she often wonders what happened to the wonderful relationship that she had.

Often a sub/slave is asked to do things when online which are a test to see her level of commitment. Of course, without being there, a Dom/Master has no way of knowing if the task was accomplsihed (in many instances). It is left to the word of the sub/slave. Many times she will agree to something knowing that she is not going to do it. When living online, she can get away with this.

The same cannot be said for reality. When she is with her Dom/Master, he will know if something is not complete. In these instances, He probably will opt for some form of punishment. Again, online punishments are a lot different then real world. Some of the actions which might result:

-she might be told to hold off pissing for a few hours (one of my personal favorites)

-she might have to sleep on the floor for a certain length of time.

-her meals may be served in a dog dish

-her residence may be a cage for a day or so

-she may find that orgasms are prohibited for a few weeks (or longer)

-or she could find that she is ignored for a long period of time while her Dom/Master lavishes attention on another.

These are just a few of the options that One might choose. The point is that real/time is vastly different than online. For many online, it really is a fantasy game to them. They are not serious about the lifestyle. I believe this is why they resist when it comes time to transition to the real world. Their intention was simply to play for a while. The dedication that is necessary to be successful in a real relationship is too much for many to handle. Yet they often believe what they are engaging in is real. Sadly for those who are in this situation, it is not.

Gorean Lifestyle?

Many ask Me about the Gorean lifestyle and is it for them? This is a question only they can answer. However, I state that it takes a certain type of person to be successful in that way of life. It requires a great amount of discipline on both the Master and slave to adhere to the edicts presented in those books.

What is Gor? John Norman wrote a series of fictional books over a period of 25 years that garnered a cult following. In them, he creates a planet where slavery was the foundation for the society. Women we held in captivity and treated in certain ways. Every detail of a slaves behavior was spelled out throughout the entire series.

Over the years, people have listed all these behavior patterns. These are the basics of living in a Gorean relationship. It spells out everything that a slave is to wear, how she is to address her Master and others, the branding ceremony, and punishments. This way of life offers little flexibility. People who are attracted to this way of life seem to be more extreme with the M/s relationship. To them, ever aspect of the relationship is lived according to the precepts of Gor.

I am not here to say that this is a right or wrong choice. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the Gorean way of life if it is for you. Many have successful and long relationships within this model. The point that is being made is that it will take a fair amount of time to learn the different disciplines. If one wants to have a successful time with it, she must get with an experienced Master. This is not something that a couple really can learn together in my opinion. For One to train a slave under as a Gorean requires years of studying. Just another thing to consider as you look at this way of life.

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